Turn, Turn, Turn
But where? Getting directions online isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Dear MapQuest:
This is not the customary complaint, which usually has to do with some little bit of outdated data in your directions. However, I should point out that, earlier this month, while we were driving in a maze to get to the airport, your suggested route still included a trip through the Ted Williams Tunnel, even though this entailed bringing Aunt Myrtle from Cedar Rapids into uncomfortably close proximity to falling concrete, men with guns, and other men with presidential aspirations.
No, my problem is one of overcalibration. I'm a simple man with simple needs. I need to know when to turn and in which direction, and that's it. For example, on a recent trip to Maine, I was driving per your directions through Acadia National Park, trying in the dark and lonely night to see if I'd gone "4.6 miles." I was also attempting to identify the side road onto which I was supposed to turn, because, if I missed that turn, all indications were that I'd be spending the night in a tree. Closer to home, the directions to my daughter's school, located in a neighborhood we like to call "down the block," consist of four items, each measured at "0.1" miles. I do not need this. There should be a function for those of us who learned to drive before the age of digital clocks. Click on it, and the directions say something like: "Left. Second right at the Dunkin' Donuts. Left at the third stoplight. Right at the live bait shack." Yes, some of the trips would read like the play-by-play of a heavyweight boxing match - "Left! Right! Left!" - or like basic training at Parris Island, but people of my advancing age would at least get where they want to go.
Charles P. Pierce
cpierce@globe.com
