Beware the Bra Bank

I don't like carrying a handbag and almost never have pockets, so I carry my valuables inside a silk change purse that I put inside my bra cup. Unless someone sees me reaching for it, most don't even know I have something in there. Some of my girlfriends say I look cheap and tacky doing this, while others say it's a good, safe way to carry valuables. I once worked at a cash register and saw other women pulling change purses from their bras, so I know I'm not the only one to do this. What's your opinion?

L.T. in Boston

You must have a remarkably well designed bra! How can you comfortably and unobtrusively carry cash, let alone "valuables," around in there? If I were to attempt to hide money in my cleavage, I'm afraid my valuables would be overwhelmed by my valuables, if you know what I mean.

Impressed as I am by the engineering of your undergarments, I'd love to go bra-shopping with you sometime. I'm afraid I'd have to avert my eyes when we got to the cash register, however. Your more conservative friends are correct on this one. Bras should store nothing but breasts, and it is in bad taste to pull items from one's underwear, magician-style, in public. (However subtle you may think you are being when you make a withdrawal from the Bank of 36-B, believe me, people are noticing.)

A friend recently told me he had a second ticket to a show and asked if I wanted to join him. I wasn't particularly interested in the show, but I agreed so that he would have a companion. When I asked how much I owed him, he said an amount that equaled one ticket (I knew the second ticket was free). said nothing and paid him the full amount, but the more I thought about it, the more bothered I was. Shouldn't he have offered to split the cost of the one ticket?

ANONYMOUS in Boston

Your friend behaved badly, and I think you ought to talk to him. But first, are you absolutely sure that the second ticket was free? If indeed it was, then your friend in essence got you to take him to the theater under the guise of doing something nice for you. This isn't kosher. It's possible his intentions were innocent or that he was simply mixed up, though, so don't start off on the attack. Mistakes happen. If you choose to talk to him, bring it up casually, and as though it had just occurred to you. Not "I've been stewing for six weeks over how you fleeced me, you freeloader, and it's time I said something!" but "Hey, was just thinking about that time we went to Blue Man Group, and didn't you get that second ticket free? So I really only owed you half, right?"

It would also be friendlier, if you want equity in this situation, to suggest he pick up the equivalent tab some other event, rather than hitting him up for the straight cash. Isn't there a restaurant that the two you have been thinking it might be fun to try out? Somehow buying friend a $40 dinner seems warmer and less mercenary than handing over a pair of Jacksons.

I befriended two mothers in an infant play group, and we were all close for several years. But then the two women had a major falling-out and no longer speak to each other. I would now like to invite both women (and their children) to my son's birthday party, but I don't want either to be blindsided by the other's presence. Do I let each know that the other has been invited? Is there a tactful way to invite feuding friends?

T.S. in Cambridge

Flip a coin to decide which one you're going to call first. (I'm serious about this.) Let's say Ms. Capulet comes up heads. Then call and invite her, and tell her that you're also inviting Ms. Montague and will be calling her subsequently. (This is where Ms. Capulet - or, later, Ms. Montague - might ask who got called first, which is why you'll want to be able to say you flipped a coin. Yes, it would be crazy and petty for either of them to ask that, but people can be that way sometimes.)

Explain to both that you value their friendship, that your son enjoys the company of both their children, and that you hope they will be able to be comfortable in the same environment for a couple of hours. Tell each of them that they can call you back to RSVP; they needn't make a decision right then.

If they both say they'll come, then each is already on notice that the other will be there and that good behavior is expected on both parts. If they do start sniping at each other at the party, calmly ask them not to or suggest that they might feel more comfortable if they left. Do not take sides.

Frankly, I think both women ought to be grownup enough to submerge their differences for a children's party that will last for an afternoon at most. If they aren't, I hate to think of the example they are setting for their children.

My Word!

The noted late psychologist Alfred Adler reportedly said, "It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." This is a good thing to keep in mind during a contentious election season. Are you a good advertisement for your beliefs?

Miss Conduct is Robin Abrahams, a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology.