Unemployed use gift of time

Matson volunteers at Marlborough Hospital, teaches water aerobics, and leads a group of fellow former Raytheon employees that meets regularly to share information on unemployment benefits, retraining, and job opportunities. And she has filled her holiday season with family, friends, and modest gift-giving.

"The holiday time is not as depressing for me because my attitude is `keep busy,' " she said.

Nearly 190,000 Massachusetts residents are in a similar position -- jobless amid the holiday hubbub -- according to the state Division of Employment and Training, but not everyone manages as well. While the stress of holiday shopping and socializing can be a burden for anyone, counselors say, the anxiety is often worse for those out of work.

"They don't just have the stress of the holidays, they have the stress of unemployment," said Pat Bruno, assistant director of a state-run counseling program for job seekers called New Perspectives.

That stress can stem from having to dash their own and their family's holiday expectations, Bruno said. At worst, it can lead to isolation and resentment, counselors say. But some who have lost their jobs say cutting back has reminded them that opening presents is not all the holidays are about.

"This is exactly the way it should be," said Nikki Kane, whose "pared down" Christmas season has involved sending out cards and getting together with friends and former co-workers.

Kane, who is involved with the WIND, or Wednesday Is Networking Day, group, lost her job in technical support earlier this year and estimates she has since applied for 120 positions. She recently took a part-time job in retail near her home in New Hampshire.

Kane has not bought gifts for friends this season and is "adamant" that they not buy anything for her. "I'm telling everybody all I want for Christmas is a job," she said. Kane admits that this holiday season would likely have been more difficult if she had children. Dean Ouellette, a Natick resident who lost his job in marketing communications about 21 months ago, said he and his wife have been determined to give their 6-year-old son what he wants for Christmas.

"He comes first," said Ouellette, explaining that in his family, Christmas has always been "for children."

Ouellette's wife works and he has found temporary employment, so "this situation hasn't broken us," he said. But he and his wife each come from families of six children and have 15 nieces and nephews to remember. While members of the extended family are understanding, he said, explaining his situation is not easy.

"How do you communicate to them . . . that you are on a budget?" he said.

Recognizing that everyone has different perceptions of the holidays, Ouellette said it can be difficult to suggest alternatives to gift-giving. "You don't want to come across as all of a sudden turning family traditions on their ear," he said.

Dwelling on one's own circumstances can seem at odds with the seasonal focus on giving to others. But Kim Corwin of New Leaf Financial Counseling in Northborough said people should not feel forced into giving gifts, suggesting that can lead to resentment.

"Sometimes for our emotional survival . . . we need to decide what's best for us and put ourselves first," Corwin said. "If you're not taking care of yourself, it's hard to take care of others." Andy Massa, a Hudson resident, lost his software job more than two years ago. After a fruitless search for work in his field, he has since taken seasonal jobs at Stow Acres Country Club and Wachusett Mountain Ski Area, as well as a job at a local golf shop. Although Massa works a full-time schedule, he does not make as much money as he used to, and he says gifts for his wife and grown children have to be "practical" and "desirable."

"This year we're being more careful," Massa said. "We're being very selective as far as gifts go."

His busy schedule also has prevented him from spending as much time with his family as he would like. His son is a full-time student, and his daughter was expected to return home from her job in England earlier this week.

"Right now I want to be able to give them as much time as I can," Massa said.

And counselors say that is often the most valuable gift of all.

"You tend to remember that more than the sweater up at the top of the closet anyway," Bruno said.

Emily Shartin can be reached at eshartin@globe.com.