Two brothers, two weddings, one family

Page 8 of 10 -- It seemed a strange plea coming from his parents, unabashed liberals, a couple who counted many gays and lesbians among their friends.

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Eric had met Alex at Harvard. And the two young men had fallen in love. But the thrill of their relationship felt muted because it was still a secret. The college sophomore decided to visit a therapist.

The therapist told him he had a crucial decision to make, that it was up to him: If he kept having sex with men, he would end up gay.

The analysis set Eric back on his heels. It was so ham-fisted, so unsophisticated, so outrageous.

"As though I had a choice!" he remembers thinking. He began to tell his friends.

And during a stretch of gloomy, frigid days in January of 1989, he prepared to tell his family, too.

He invited his parents to meet him one weekend morning at a venerable institution on Harvard Square -- the Wursthaus, famed for its German sausage and vast selection of international beers.

Eric walked in and approached a booth, sliding in across the table from his poker-faced parents.

After a few pleasantries, he came to the point.

He planned to leave school for an indefinite period of time, he told them. "I'm leaving for Tokyo in two weeks, with Alex, who is my lover."

The rat-a-tat announcement was steeped in anger, frustration, and hurt.

There was a stunned silence. And then a cascade of emotions.

For Eric, it was a matter of expectations. He believed he had done his best -- as a son, a sibling, a student.

What else could they want from him, he wondered.

For Barbara, the news landed with tectonic force.

"What are you talking about?" she remembers asking. "Are you going away forever? Is this it?"

She had set aside baby clothes for Eric's children. She had clear visions of his Radcliffe wife. Now she scrambled to adjust to her family's radically altered reality.

Norman's first impulse was more practical. He told Eric he was free to go, but without the family's financial support. "I said, 'You have four years to finish college. This is not a five-year deal because Brian's coming up. I can't afford it.' "

Yet, within moments, Eric heard parental promises of support. We still love you, they promised. This doesn't affect anything, they said.

But to Eric, it seemed a rote reaction, right out of a parenting manual. And, as he left, he simmered still.

When his parents returned home, Brian knew something profound had occurred. But Norman and Barbara kept the news from him. Eric called and asked Brian over for a visit. Eric's tone on the telephone was grave, and -- considering the funereal mood at home -- his brother suspected the worst. Cancer? What?   Continued...