Nanny knows best

It's a Tuesday afternoon, and Michelle LaRowe is folding T-shirts from the dryer that proclaim "My Nanny Loves Me This Much," while 5-year-old twins Daniel and Ryan Kuntz of Newton chow down on PB&J sandwiches and sip milk from Buzz Lightyear glasses.

One boy burps, and both explode into giggles. "Where are your manners?" asks LaRowe. Daniel, eager to be back in her good graces, wiggles over for a hug and offers a sweet smile. "Excuse me, 'Chelle."

This is an average day for LaRowe, named by the International Nanny Associaton as 2004 Nanny of the Year. She presides over the sunny family room filled with Dr. Seuss books, hockey equipment, BRIO train sets, and the little boys she has adored since they were 10 days old.

"You love them like they're yours," she said. "But you know they're not."

Bringing up these boys is LaRowe's passion, and she sees nannyhood as nothing less than a calling, her life's work.

For decades, nannies were seen as little more than housekeepers who baby sat or women who hadn't settled into a real career. They were paid poorly, often off the books, never earning Social Security credit.

But that is changing. A new breed of well-educated nannies is emerging as bona fide domestic power brokers, partners in parenting who hold an esteemed role in the high-income households fortunate enough to have them.

Recent nanny-as-savior television programs such as Fox's "Nanny 911" and ABC's British import "Supernanny" glorify nannies as saints of sanity for dysfunctional families, adding to the mystique of the profession.

All the press is good for nannies, said LaRowe, 29, who lives in Waltham and who has become somewhat of a media star herself, after appearing as a guest at a "Nanny 911" casting call at CambridgeSide Galleria last month.

She likes the attention, but runs every interview request past her employers. She does not want her 15 minutes of fame to interfere with taking Danny and Ryan to kindergarten or karate lessons.

Becoming professionally and personally devoted to other people's children is not what LaRowe imagined while studying science at Bridgewater State College.

Raised in East Bridgewater by a "very patient" mother, LaRowe enjoyed baby-sitting as a teenager and loved working part time as a nanny with two other families while she was going to school.

Through an agency, she was offered the position in the Kuntz home shortly after graduating. "I have a degree in chemistry, and I could do whatever I wanted," she said.

"But I really wanted to do this."

On the job, she learned an entirely different kind of chemistry. She once had a boss who didn't allow her to take the children out of the house. "That's a bad sign," she said. "It's very isolating for the nanny."

Before her job with the Kuntz twins, she worked as a guest nanny for Lady Bird Johnson's grandchildren. "It's strange to change diapers with Secret Service agents watching," LaRowe said.

As part of her effort to professionalize her field, LaRowe founded the area's first industry advocacy group, Boston Area Nannies, in 2000. Through the group, she has mentored scores of nannies, coaching them on how to be assertive with their employers, obtain an annual contract providing a reasonable wage and benefits, and establish fair working conditions. The industry is largely unregulated, and no one keeps data on the number of nannies employed in the area.

The average Boston-area nanny referred through one of the city's professional agencies is paid $12 to $15 an hour, LaRowe said. Many have years of experience, degrees in childhood education, and training in CPR and first aid.

Over the decade she has spent being a nanny, LaRowe has developed her own child-rearing philosophies. She is adamant about consistency in rules and routines, frowns on between-meal snacks of anything but fruits or vegetables, and liberally applies "time out" in response to misbehavior. She is a believer in the controversial cry-it-out Ferber sleep-training technique.

She carefully researches afterschool activities for her charges -- such as apple-picking, sports, and music groups -- and arranges and attends their play dates. She would rather work overtime on a weekend than have a stranger baby sit the boys. She takes care of almost every household duty relating to the children -- laundry, lunch, dinner, dishes, and errands -- and has a special credit card for her own use on child expenses. She's the one who organized the playroom for optimal fun, and when the parents decided to buy a lawn sprinkler for summer play last year, they got the model LaRowe wanted, with a remote control.

She is given wide latitude to take care of Daniel and Ryan, a level of trust that she believes is key to an outstanding nanny-parent relationship, she said. "They let me love the kids unconditionally," LaRowe said. "They trust me. We work as a team."

Too many parents, she said, particularly guilt-ridden working mothers, treat the nanny as a threat to their hold on their own children's affections. "Good nannies empower parents," LaRowe said.

Karen Kuntz, Daniel and Ryan's mother, said she knew that feeling jealous or competitive with her children's caretaker would never work.

"I'm laid back, which I think helps a lot," said Kuntz, an associate professor at Harvard University's School of Public Health. "It's a serious relationship. Michelle is a very important part of our lives and our family and always will be. I feel incredibly fortunate."

There have been very few conflicts over the past five years, Kuntz said. While the most minor of rules can waver depending on who is in charge (for example, Kuntz allows gum-chewing; LaRowe does not), any serious difference is resolved in Kuntz's favor.

"There may have been once or twice where I wanted something different than Michelle did, and she bit her lip to keep peace," Kuntz said. "But we really agree on most things."

Have other mothers ever tried to woo away nanny talent, a la "Desperate Housewives"? Yes, LaRowe said, other mothers frequently offer her nanny positions, but she is firmly committed to the twins.

In her spare time, she pursues hobbies such as ballroom dancing, making scrapbooks, and skiing. Does she want children of her own someday? Definitely, she said.

Pat Cascio -- president of the Houston-based International Nanny Association, which represents nannies, nanny placement agencies, and related businesses -- said the group chose LaRowe for its top honor last year for her work advancing the industry.

"Today's nanny is well educated and totally dedicated to the children," Cascio said. "These are women who are taking continuing education classes and sitting for credentialing exams."

Cascio -- who opened Houston's first nanny placement agency, Morningside Nannies, in 1982 -- remembers well the bad old days of nannydom.

"People used to hire house cleaners without documentation," she said. "Nobody paid payroll taxes or did security or background checks. [They hired] sisters of cousins of someone their neighbor employed, and nobody thought anything of it. There were people who didn't know the last name of the woman they employed."

Now the hard part is bringing parents up to date with the new expectations, she said.

"You hear, 'Send me Mary Poppins!' " Cascio said. "But Mary Poppins came on an umbrella, had no references, and paid no attention to the parents."

The kind of sophisticated teamwork found in the Kuntz household is unfortunately not typical, she said. "We hear of nannies who got fired for suggesting the child wear a hat outside, and nannies who were not offered a pay raise when the parents brought another baby into the house," she said. "Most parents want the nanny to follow their rules. They feel like, 'I'm writing the check and it's my house.' "

Sometimes the richer and more powerful the parents, the more unrealistic they are about hiring a nanny.

Barbara Kline -- owner of White House Nannies, a placement agency in Bethesda, Md. -- said that some high-profile Beltway parents send staff members to screen nannies. Some of them seem more concerned about the care of their pets than of their children, Kline said. One parent informed her in a screening interview that any nanny hired was forbidden to use the word no with her children.

"We have rejected some parents, knowing that if they aren't good with us, they aren't going to be good with one of our nannies," said Kline, whose good clients have included power couple Mary Matalin and James Carville and MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews.

LaRowe said she wants to see Boston continue to improve as a place not only to be a nanny, but also to hire one. "I can't think of anything more important to do with my life than have an impact on these children's lives," she said, sitting on the floor of the Kuntz family room with Daniel and Ryan. "The world should know what nannies have to offer."

Erica Noonan can be reached at enoonan@globe.com.