Gay actress, at conference, shares her struggle

Heather Matarazzo hated high school. The 22-year-old actress, best known for her movie roles in ''Welcome to the Dollhouse" and ''Saved," said she has known since second grade that she was attracted to other girls. But shame forced the actress into years of silence and self-destruction. She abused drugs and alcohol. She ran away from home.

Yesterday, Matarazzo described her experiences to more than 500 teachers, students, and parents who attended the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network of Boston's 15th annual conference at Brookline High School. As the keynote speaker, Matarazzo drew tears and applause when she described her struggle to gain acceptance of her sexuality.

''It was such a burden, because I had to pretend to be this person that I wasn't," Matarazzo told the audience.

Dozens of students surrounded the actress after her speech, wanting to share their own struggles, to thank her for being an inspiration, to get her autograph. Wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and Birkenstocks, Matarazzo hugged them one by one.

The goal of the conference was ''to give hope to the young people, build self-esteem, and empower people to change their schools," said Adam Glick, a therapist at a special-education high school in Brookline who organized the event.

In workshops, students and educators learned how to respond to homophobic slurs. Teachers practiced how to respond to young children who ask about the meanings of ''gay," ''bisexual," and ''lesbian." Conference participants learned about preserving equal marriage rights for same-sex partners. They learned how gay-straight alliances design presentations to educate teachers.

Gay, lesbian, and bisexual students are significantly more likely than their straight peers to abuse drugs and alcohol, according to a 2001 Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the state Department of Education. Gay youth are also four times more likely to have attempted suicide and twice as likely to have been threatened with a weapon at school.

''We're making a lot of gains, but there's a lot of backlash that comes with it," said Eva Rosenberg, president of the Gay Straight Alliance at Lexington High School and a board member of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. ''We have to be ready to fight the fight."

Last week in Lexington, the father of an elementary school student objected to a book his 5-year-old son brought home about families, including same-sex couples raising children. The father was arrested for trespassing when he refused to leave a school after meeting with the principal.

Lesley Strang, a second-grade teacher at the Atrium School, a private school in Watertown, led a workshop on how to talk to young children about gay and lesbian issues. She said she had spent the last five years teaching students to respect all kinds of families. She always sends home a transcript of her discussions with students, to let parents know what was said.

''Family communication is the most important part in doing this work," Strang said. ''The unknown is so scary, and you want to protect your children."

In previous network conferences, protesters have demonstrated outside, and some have managed to disrupt workshops, student organizers said. No protesters were seen outside the conference yesterday afternoon.

Matarazzo advised her audience to ''kill protesters with love."

Jiovani Robles and Valdir DePina, eighth-graders at the Academy of the Pacific Rim, a charter school in Hyde Park, attended the conference to support their gay teachers. Robles said he had not known until hearing Matarazzo's speech that gay youth struggled so much for acceptance. He said his Catholic parents had taught him to respect everyone. But the boys said the conference opened their eyes to how much work still needs to be done to teach tolerance in schools.