Flight attendant changes course

Elise O'Kane arrived in her Detroit hotel room, looked in the mirror, and thought, ''Things will never be the same. My job will never be the same. Flying will never be the same."

It was Sept. 11, 2001.

United Airlines Flight 175 and American Airlines Flight 11, hijacked by terrorists, had hit the World Trade Center in New York, killing everyone aboard.

If not for a computer glitch, O'Kane, a veteran flight attendant, would have been on United Flight 175 to Los Angeles, which she had flown regularly for the previous six months. Instead, she was assigned that morning to a Denver flight, which was diverted to Detroit after the attacks.

''I knew I had to make something positive out of this," O'Kane said.

After returning home to Atkinson, N.H., she took a leave from the airline and decided to become a nurse.

O'Kane, 42, is graduating with high honors from Northern Essex Community College's nursing program in Lawrence, one of 82 nursing students and 893 graduates overall who were scheduled to receive diplomas yesterday.

''It's the hardest thing I have ever done," said O'Kane, who attended school full-time for 2 1/2 years and graduates with a 3.89 grade point average.

''I really like to set a high bar," said O'Kane, who's married and has an adult son and stepdaughter. ''Sometimes that can be a little stressful, but I really wanted to do well. I really want to be a good nurse and make a difference."

Maureen Dadekian-Eckel, who teaches psychology at Northern Essex and has a private practice in Kingston, N.H., wasn't surprised by O'Kane's decision.

''Trauma of any sort, especially if it's something we all experience as a nation, helps you reevaluate your life and prioritize," she said. ''She's taking her life, energy, intellect, and goals, and using the fact she survived, to continue to be a contributing citizen of the world."

O'Kane had been flying United Flight 175 between Boston and Los Angeles on and off for two years and for six months straight up to the Sept. 11 attacks.

But when she was signing up for flights for the month of September, she made a computer error, typing in the code 289 instead of 298. That scheduled her for the Denver flights for September, although she had the opportunity to fill openings on other flights on a day-to-day basis.

''I was terribly disappointed," she said, adding she had never made such an error in 16 years as a flight attendant.

She made several attempts to switch onto the flight, but had computer problems. When she finally got online, she saw there was an opening on the Sept. 11 flight.

She put in a bid.

The deadline was 8 p.m. Her request was logged at 8:01 p.m.

''I get goose bumps thinking about it, still," O'Kane said. ''Was it fate? Was it divine intervention? Was it just my computer not connecting?"

She went to the airport the morning of Sept. 11 for the Denver flight, which had the same departure time as Flight 175. As the crew bus was leaving the employee parking lot, she saw a flight attendant running for the bus.

''I said, 'Stop. Hold the bus,' and this adorable 21-year-old, who reminded me of my son, got on and said he had just been called for Flight 175. And I said, `You're taking my trip,' " O'Kane recalled.

They talked about his first visit to Los Angeles.

''What amazes me is if I hadn't held the bus, he would have missed the check-in and I would have taken [that spot] on the flight," O'Kane said.

It's for that young man that she has suffered the most survivor guilt. She said she plans to ''finish his trip" by doing the things and visiting the places in Los Angeles they talked about.

O'Kane has also grieved for many friends and colleagues. ''To go to as many memorials as I have is a little unsettling," she said.

O'Kane was accepted into the competitive nursing program at Northern Essex, one of 80 students chosen from 650 applicants, and was set to begin in January 2002. Then, on Dec. 24, 2001, her father was injured in a car accident and hospitalized in an intensive care unit.

''What I saw from those nurses was incredible," O'Kane said. ''It reaffirmed what I was doing."

O'Kane, who wants to become an intensive care nurse, has not left flying behind.

Her leave of absence from the airline, which she took after Sept. 11, was scheduled to expire March 2007. But she was recalled in April, on the first day of her spring break from school.

''I was looking forward to relaxing," she said. But she didn't hesitate in accepting the callback.

''I will not let Sept. 11 be my last flight," she said. ''I will not let a terrorist make me quit my job. I will leave this job on my own terms."

She recently boarded a plane for the first time since September 2001. ''My feet hit the curb at the airport and the tears started," she said. ''And I had an anxiety attack at the gate. But once I got on the plane, it was, 'Yeah, this is still part of me, too.' "

O'Kane is looking for a nursing job, which, she said, is a priority. But she may try to juggle both.

''With the airlines there is a lot of flexibility," she said. ''Maybe I could fly weekends and work at a hospital during the week. Or fly during the week and work in a hospital weekends."

Gail Tangard, of the nursing faculty, said it is a good career choice for O'Kane. ''She's very bright and caring, very organized and able to juggle a lot of things, and she does a good job with patients."

O'Kane's husband, Bill, a former flight attendant, said he is thrilled with his wife's decision.

''The airline industry is very volatile," he said. ''Nursing offers a good deal more stability in life."

And for O'Kane, the past 3 1/2 years have been filled with change.

''The biggest lesson I've learned is I don't question why things happen any longer," she said. ''Every day since Sept. 11 that I'm alive is a bonus."