Taking it on herself to sound a warning

DERRY, N.H. -- Having finished her shift ringing up groceries at Market Basket, 17-year-old Haley Cyr eagerly drove to a friend's house last Nov. 4 for a party. Her boyfriend, Carl Burke, was already there, and Cyr expected him to spoil her with a warm embrace and kisses, she wrote in her college essay last fall.

Instead they got into a fight. Burke, who she says was drinking, wanted to drive to Wendy's for some food and wanted her to come with him. Cyr, who was sober, thought it would be better if she drove, but he repeatedly refused the offer. He accused her of not trusting him; she walked away.

'Shame and guilt slowly started to make my stomach churn," she wrote in her college essay. ''I knew he was going to make a mistake."

With keys in hand, Burke got into the car with a friend and drove away. Two hours later, Cyr received a phone call no girlfriend would ever want to get, a phone call that would change her life. Burke's car crashed into a tree on Back Chester Road in Derry.

She rushed to a Manchester hospital, where he died a few hours later; his friend, Steven Hodgeman, died a few days later.

Derry police are still investigating the car crash, but believe alcohol was involved, said Derry police Captain Vern Thomas. Police are pursuing charges against a 17-year-old Derry boy and his mother for allegedly hosting the Nov. 4 party and for a previous alcohol-related gathering that allegedly took place at the home. As part of that investigation, affidavits supporting arrest warrants for the mother and son state that police removed beer from the car Burke was driving.

Cyr, stricken with sadness and regret, made a decision that night. She would share her boyfriend's story with other teens in hopes they will make good decisions when it comes to alcohol. Cyr believes if she had been drinking that November night she would have gotten into the car with her boyfriend and not thought twice about riding with him. She had done it before.

''What was I thinking all those times?" Cyr said in an interview at Pinkerton Academy, where she is a senior.

But later she explained: ''I trusted him and things seemed to be so perfect you don't think anything would go wrong. You don't think anything bad would happen to you."

Cyr first shared her experience publicly at a community forum in Derry on teenage drinking in December, and then she spoke at three school assemblies in January at Pinkerton Academy, which serves as the public high school for 3,500 students from Derry, Hampstead, and Chester. Burke, of Chester, and Hodgeman, of Derry, were seniors at Pinkerton.

In the coming weeks, Cyr will be talking with middle school students in Derry about teen drinking. She also got a job with the Community Alliance for Teen Safety, a citizens group in Derry that started almost a decade ago in response to teenage drinking and driving.

''I think what's helping her get through the grief is by talking about the accident," said Deb Boniface, the substance abuse counselor for the Derry Cooperative School District, who is helping Cyr put together a presentation for middle school students. ''She's taken it upon herself to get the message out."

Indeed, Cyr said, giving the talks has provided her with the strength to move beyond the grief of her boyfriend's death, but she remains devoted to his memory. Around her neck she wears a heart-shaped locket given to her by her friends, with a picture of Burke inside. On her back, she has a tattoo of Burke's initials and dates of his birth and death. In her bedroom, she has assembled a shrine of pictures, flowers, and little stuffed animals.

One of her most cherished items is a brown and tan baseball hat that slipped off Burke's head that November night before he got into the car. Cyr picked up the hat. She had a feeling that night she should hold onto it.

Cyr and Burke had dated for about six months before the accident. He was her first serious boyfriend, and he made her feel good about herself. When they first started going out, Cyr said, she suffered from low self-esteem.

''He gave me a new outlook in my life. He picked me up and turned me around. He changed my life for the better," she said in an interview. ''He taught me to love myself."

Time with Burke was always exciting. Outgoing yet humble, Burke liked to snowboard, skateboard, and cliff dive. Around a campfire, he would play the bongos and could get a crowd laughing hysterically with one of his stories.

One midsummer night, while lying on a barge at a camp in Windham, gazing at the stars, the two fell for each other, she said. They talked for hours that night about everything. They became inseparable.

''We knew each other inside and out in such a short period of time," she said. ''I felt like he was my soul mate."

And they started planning a future together. Both would stay in New Hampshire for college. She was going to apply to Southern New Hampshire University, and he wanted to go to New Hampshire Community Technical College.

Everything seemed to be falling into place until that November night.

The argument about who should drive kept going in circles, she said. She was caught off guard. She became angry and disappointed.

But none of those feelings seemed to matter when she got the phone call from a friend about the accident. She had no idea how badly hurt Burke was. When she arrived at a Manchester hospital, where Burke's family had gathered, she learned that the prognosis wasn't good. Burke was in critical condition, unable to breathe on his own. A broken rib had punctured his lung, and it was filling with blood. Cyr started crying hysterically.

''I knew this was going to be goodbye," she wrote in her college essay.

Moments later, Cyr walked into Burke's hospital room. IV's were strapped to his arm, and tubes were in his throat. She could only imagine his pain. The bitterness she felt earlier that night, she wrote, turned into a feeling she couldn't describe.

''Relief had come over me -- relieved to be able to hold his hand for a last time, relieved I could brush my hands through his hair and tell him to be the fighter he is," she wrote.

She told him once again she loved him.

''As I spoke my last words to him, I gathered the strength to kiss his forehead," she wrote. ''I knew it was my time to leave his side."

Outside his room in the waiting area, she prayed for a miracle that would never happen.

Burke left behind his mother and stepfather, Debra and William Wright of Chester; his father, James Burke, of New Mexico; two grandfathers; a grandmother; and three sisters. His mother did not return phone calls for this story.

A week after Burke's death, Cyr began writing her college essay, which took her two months to complete. She began rethinking her future. She wanted Burke's life and death to have a purpose. She wanted his story to help other teens make good decisions about drinking. She believes personal stories carry more sway with teens, especially girls, when they are told by other teens.

She said she doesn't believe the story will stop teens from drinking, but she does hope it will persuade some teens not to drive drunk or get into a car with a drunk driver.

It's a message, she said, she thinks Burke would have wanted to get out.

''I feel like he's my motivator," she said, ''that he's pushing me to do it."

Thomas, the police captain, said the department hopes Cyr continues to speak publicly about teenage drinking.

''We're glad to have her young energy and reaching out to her peers," he said.

Civic-minded teens, like Cyr, and adults aided Derry police greatly with their investigation. Police received numerous e-mails and letters that stated the two young men were at the party consuming alcohol in a barn with other teens, according to the affidavits supporting the arrests of the alleged party hosts.

Police ultimately interviewed 56 teenagers about the party and other gatherings at the home before filing charges.

Cyr said she has days where she breaks down with grief, but mostly she said she has been strong. She credits Burke for her strength.

''I'm going to be successful so I can inspire someone," she wrote, ''just as he inspired me."