How we remember

Tommy McGuinness will take off in a Cessna 172 tomorrow with his mother and sister on board and fly across the late-summer sky over southern New Hampshire.

The 19-year-old will honor his father, First Officer Thomas F. McGuinness, the copilot on American Airlines Flight 11, the first hijacked plane to crash into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. Terrorists killed his father, but not the younger McGuinness's quest to follow in his footsteps.

``It was my dream to fly with him," said McGuinness, a student pilot at Daniel Webster College in Nashua. ``He'd be the captain. I'd be the first officer." ``Jen [his sister] would be flight attendant. My mom would be in first class."

He flew on Sept. 11 in 2004 as a high school student training to be a private pilot. ``I wanted to show my Dad what I could do," he said. ``I know he'd be really proud of how I'm remembering him."

On the eve of the fifth anniversary of Sept. 11, the loss is still raw. An only son misses his dad. An aunt weeps for a lost niece. Their grief, shared by dozens of other victims' families, is a sharp reminder of the human toll of the terror attacks and the unique public response, including permanent memorials and anniversary tributes.

``Everyone grieves and responds in a different way," said the Rev. Robert Leroe of Cliftondale Congregational Church in Saugus. ``But whenever something traumatic like Sept. 11 happens, we don't just say `Wow, that was terrible.' We need some kind of ceremony to show we care."

Silence, song, and prayer will mark tributes today and tomorrow. Dozens from northern Massachusetts and southern New Hampshire were among the nearly 3,000 people who died when four hijacked planes crashed in New York City, at the Pentagon, and in rural Pennsylvania.

In Danvers today , Karen Martin , the head flight attendant on American Airlines flight 11, will be honored in a ceremony that will include a special gift from Emma Grace Cunningham, 2 1/2, Martin's cousin twice removed, who was born a month before she was due on Dec. 18, 2003 -- Martin's birthday. The little girl will lay a rose on a bench dedicated to Martin outside the town library.

``Sometimes I look at her and say, `Karen, are you in there?' " said Joan Greener , 65, of Salem, Martin's aunt and Emma's great-grandmother. ``She's a delightful child. She's really helped me heal."

Public memorials to victims -- benches, flagpoles, even a miniature model of the World Trade Center -- have been erected as reminders of loss. They also serve as focal points for grief. ``Markers give us a place to go back to," said Leroe, who will officiate at a candlelight vigil tomorrow in Saugus. ``We need places to remember."

In Portsmouth, where the McGuinness family moved a year before the attacks, a flagpole outside the Post Office is dedicated to Tom McGuinness, who was 42 when he died. Other memorials to McGuinness have been dedicated in communities across the country, including a lake near the family's longtime home in San Diego, which was renamed in his honor. ``That's probably my favorite one," said Tommy McGuinness, a boy of easy smiles. ``He taught me how to fish. I caught my first fish there. I ran home and held up the pole with the fish still on it."

A granite replica of the Twin Towers, the two 110-story buildings that collapsed into smoking rubble after the attacks, stand as a roadside memorial on Highland Avenue in Salem. They were erected on Sept. 12, 2001, by landscapers who were preparing the site for a new Market Basket supermarket.

``In their own way, they make you remember," said David McLean, a Market Basket executive. ``They also express how a lot of us felt that day. The towers had fallen, and we wanted to put them back up."

A stone outside Saugus Town Hall is dedicated to a native son and daughter. Gertrude ``Trudi" Alagero was 37 and an investment banker working at the World Trade Center. David DiMeglio , 22, who lived in Wakefield at the time of his death, was an aspiring computer technician when he perished aboard Flight 11.

In Lynn, Donald DiTullio , 49, who was on Flight 11 with his fiancee, has a square named for him at Dartmouth and Lynnfield streets. Friends have been trying to find land for a public dog park to honor his fiancee, N. Janis Lasden, the proud owner of two German shepherds and a Rottweiler. ``Janis would be smiling down on us if we could have a dog park in her memory," said Sandra St. Pierre , a friend and neighbor. ``What we need is help to find enough land."

Other victims are remembered through charity. A basketball tournament funds scholarships honoring Ralph Kershaw , 52, a marine surveyor from Manchester-by-the-Sea, a passenger on United Airlines Flight 175, the second plane to hit the World Trade Center. The Karen A. Martin Memorial Fund is dedicated to helping children's charities. Since 2002, it has given thousands to build handicapped-accessible playgrounds in Beverly, Peabody, and Swampscott.

Donations from the fund have paid for horseback riding lessons for a handicapped child at Windrush Farm, a therapeutic riding center in Boxford. A digital piano was purchased for a blind boy. ``We were able to bless him," said Greener, who administers the fund. ``Children were very important to Karen. Her charity has enabled me to do a lot of healing by being able to give in her memory. It keeps her spirit alive."

Tommy McGuinness keeps his dad's spirit alive every time he gets into the cockpit. They shared a love of fishing, ping-pong, and the Red Sox. And they bonded in the sky. ``When I would go on trips with him, when I was like 11 or 12, he'd leave the cockpit and come sit with me in coach," McGuinness recalled. ``He would explain the dynamics of the airplane to me in 12-year-old lingo. He'd talk about where the airport was. He'd mimic what would be said between the pilot and air traffic control."

McGuinness earned his private pilot's license this year. He made his first two memorial flights with instructors. At Daniel Webster, he is training to be a commercial pilot. And he hopes to wear the navy blue uniform of American Airlines. ``Hopefully, I'll fly for them," he said. ``My Dad didn't make it to captain, but hopefully I will. I think it would be a nice tribute to him."

Kathy McCabe can be reached at kmccabe@globe.com