Finding help for challenged student
Q Both of my daughters attend good colleges in Boston, but neither is achieving to her full potential. One, now a sophomore, refuses to make use of the college's learning lab, even though she had an individualized education program (IEP) for extended time on tests in high school. The other, a freshman overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work, will not take advantage of the resources at her school's learning center. I tell each of them to put aside whatever sort of embarrassment they think they will feel, and seek out the people who can help them. They don't listen. I don't want them to learn the hard way or to have to spend more money by not graduating on time. What can I do?
Anonymous, Acton
A Treat each daughter's situation individually. The daughter who had an IEP in high school faces a new set of responsibilities at college, which unlike a high school is not legally obligated by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act to provide an IEP or consult with parents about a student's educational program. The onus falls on the individual student to make his or her needs known to the school, and the college, under the Americans with Disabilities Act, must provide reasonable accommodations at no charge to a student with disabilities. These accommodations can range from easy classroom access for a student with a wheelchair to providing extra time on exams to a student with a learning disability. Tell your daughter that her disability is no reflection of her intelligence: the college accepted her based on her record of accomplishment and her potential. Remind her that seeking help when she needs it shows maturity and responsibility.
Hear out your freshman daughter's rationale for going it alone, then explain yours for seeking assistance. Visiting the school's learning center for help with the transition from high school to college, particularly when you're paying for the resource, is the smart thing to do. More, nipping an organizational problem in the bud can improve her days as well as her grades.
Later, all three of you can discuss the adult reality of investing in college. Let your daughters know why you consider a college education time and money well spent. Your honesty should help them see beyond whatever social awkwardness they've attached to seeking help in college.
Q My daughter is a junior in high school who has a learning disability and an IEP. She has her heart set on applying to Columbia University, a dream since she started talking about high school and majoring in psychology. I worry because she has striven to better herself, but her grades are not up there. What can she and I do to help her make it to Columbia?
E.P., Peabody
A Even with exceptional grades there's no surefire way to gain admission to Columbia University or the other "most competitive" schools. Sure, plenty of students with learning disabilities have been admitted to the top schools; however, the odds for them, like any candidate, are often slim given the intense competition and limited spaces. Now, begin to help your teen redefine her cherished aim. Let your daughter know that many schools can provide ample opportunity for her to pursue psychology and open her eyes to rich subjects she hasn't considered.
Also, ask her to explain her zeal for Columbia. Is it the school's reputation, location, professors, alumni? Seeing beyond the mystique of an Ivy League school should make your daughter aware of the merits of other universities. Most important, help your daughter to identify those schools that offer the greatest resources for her particular learning disability. As mentioned above, the move from high school to college shifts the responsibility of providing support from the school to the student.
Ron Fletcher teaches English at Boston College High. To submit a question, email asktheteacher@globe.com Include your name, town and email address. Questions, upon request, can be printed anonymously. Ask the Teacher runs on alternate Sundays with Campus Insider, a roundup of higher education items. 
