No baby is a defective baby

Thanks for Beverly Beckham's column on raising a child with Down syndrome ("Lucy's learning. But are doctors?" City Weekly, Feb. 4) .

I was offered amniocentesis for my first (and, it turned out, only) child. I was 38, hence the test. I knew there was miscarriage risk . The prior June, I had miscarried (blighted ovum) another baby, one loved, wanted. As minimal as the risk for miscarriage was with amniocentesis, it was not a chance I was willing to take.

What about birth defects? the clinicians asked me. I will have this baby come hell or high water, birth defects or no, I replied.

Essentially, they were asking me to undergo the amniocentesis in case I wanted to abort. No thanks -- been there, done that, in my selfish youth. Twice. Two abortions, two blighted ovums.

The clinicians knew me well. Career-happy. Happy-go-lucky. Could I be at home in my heart with so-called birth defects ?

There are no defects in babies. All babies are wonders, I told them.

At the end of the day, I chose to be a stay-at-home mother to a child sans "defects." Which is where I am today -- at home with a 9-year-old, and me, now 48, just returning to graduate school (postponed for almost a decade).

I look back in wonder at my strength in denying some very strong clinicians their inclinations for me.

Beckham made an analogy between turtles and hares. I have a hare at home. She is my life, heart, soul. But I would have been just as delighted with a turtle.

DEBORAH SAN GABRIEL Brookline