A little help for women, from women

When Sonja Grondstra's husband is away with the Merchant Marines for months at a stretch, she experiences life as a single mother.

During her lonely times, Grondstra, who has no family locally, came to depend on friends for support. Again, she realized she was lucky. Many women don't have such a network.

So, Grondstra created one -- the SHE Network, which stands for Share, Help, and Empower.

Since 2004, the core group of nine women -- and an extended network of several hundred -- has provided other women with financial, legal, medical, and emotional support.

"I have to take the trash out or, if it snows, I have to shovel," Grondstra said.

But, she's learned, that's sweating the small stuff.

"I realize there are a lot of women out there who have it super hard and are truly single," said Grondstra, a Swampscott jewelry designer with a 6-year-old son.

Many are divorced, on limited incomes, or coming out of abusive relationships. They may be grieving a death, battling breast cancer, or just in a tough spot.

SHE works on two levels. Each month, the network performs a "random act of kindness" for a pick-me-up or emotional boost. It could be flower bulbs for a woman whose mother has died, or bath products for someone who's just had surgery.

"It's just to be there and say, 'We are thinking about you,' " said Laura Capshaw of Marblehead, a network member. The money comes from the group's $10 monthly dues.

And there are "gifts of empowerment," which are larger amounts for items such as groceries, clothes, toys, or furniture. The money is generated by annual fund-raisers, the next scheduled on June 1. The network also seeks donations and sponsorships.

Composed of stay-at-home moms, lawyers, accountants, hospital technicians, and other professionals, the network provides free legal aid and other help and advice.

"Everyone has a little something to bring to the group, which is nice," said Grondstra.

Emotional support ranges from phone calls, to transportation to doctors appointments, to helping clean a newly rented apartment.

"Part of the initial idea was to work with women falling through the gaps," said network member Jennifer Pearlson of Marblehead. "They weren't at the point they'd qualify for any kind of public assistance, but they were struggling."

The network hears about women by word-of-mouth. "Everyone knows someone who needs help," said Holly Schmidt of Swampscott, a network member.

And referrals come from agencies such as Help for Abused Women and Children in Salem, and the Marblehead Counseling Center. Women who have been helped range from 20-somethings to a grandmother. They live in many communities north of Boston, and their involvement is confidential.

"We want to give the people we are helping comfort that it's anonymous," said Schmidt.

Paul Crosby, executive director of the Marblehead Counseling Center, said while his agency can help with finances and counseling, it can't provide "hand-holding and emotional support on a day-to-day basis." That's where the SHE Network steps in.

"It's unusual work because it's mentoring women who otherwise wouldn't have anyone to stand beside them when they go through the tough times," he said

Just ask Nancy Swiniuch, 44, a divorced mother of two with a limited income who is in a protracted dispute with her Marblehead landlord.

The SHE Network came to her aid last Christmas. "It was getting down to the stretch" of telling her children there would be no holiday, she said. The network gave her gift cards to buy presents and left a gift under the tree for her.

"I was in tears," said Swiniuch. "And when I opened the present for me, that was so great. It was the only Christmas present I got."

Now, the network has offered to accompany her to a court appearance involving her landlord. "They are just so awesome," she said. "They are like my best friends."

A 47-year-old divorced mother of four from Peabody, who asked not to be identified, received a microwave oven, the first she has ever owned. She also was given money for a lawyer, a gift certificate for groceries, and "a nice card," and was offered free tax advice.

"Those emotional boosts mean just as much, sometimes more, than the money," she said. "They are lovely women and seem to understand life can deal some tough cards. They are just really supportive and encouraging to us gals in this situation and it's nice to know that."

The network wants to help not just during a crisis, but in the long run.

"It's not just about giving something that will last a moment, but something that will make a significant impact to help them to continue to move forward," Pearlson said.

Recently, members of the network transformed a run-down game room at Girls Incorporated in Lynn, a nonprofit that runs programs for girls 6 to 18, into a clean, bright space with new furniture and an entertainment center.

"Yes, the girls loved the stuff," said Patricia Driscoll, executive director of Girls Incorporated. "But they also loved the fact that other people, who are not their parents, teachers, or staff at Girls Inc., cared enough to spend a weekend doing this to their space. That makes an impression on girls."

Dance for Her, a benefit for the SHE Network, will be held June 1 at Tedesco Country Club, Marblehead. For more on the network, call 781-715-6134 or e-mail she_network@comcast.net.