Revelations stun colleagues and public

The revelation that Firefighter Paul J. Cahill was drunk and that Firefighter Warren J. Payne had cocaine in his system when they died while responding to an August fire in West Roxbury left the firefighting community, a fraternity known for its unwavering loyalty, devastated and divided by a profound sense of betrayal and regret.

As a result, the deaths that had demonstrated the courage of those who rush into burning buildings at a moment's notice are raising disquieting questions about their readiness and putting firefighters in the awkward position of defending their own reputations without criticizing their fallen comrades.

Some firefighters said that long hours, boredom, and high levels of stress contribute to a culture in which drinking is accepted, if not condoned. They hoped that the reports would shine light on a problem some described as pervasive.

"It happens more than people think," said a Dorchester firefighter, who declined to give his name because he said his peers would ostracize him. "It happens more than we want to admit."

For men and woman who live by a code of brotherhood and shared sacrifice, there were two reactions to news that the autopsies of the two firefighters found alcohol and drugs in their systems on the night of the fire.

Active firefighters willing to speak publicly said they feared the reports would dishonor not only the men and their families, but the entire profession. Many bristled at the notion that drug and alcohol use is widespread and worried that the incident would shatter the image of firefighters as brave civic servants. Others lashed out at the news media for publishing autopsy results, saying the men should be allowed to rest in peace and their relatives left alone to grieve. Still others expressed concern that the reports could jeopardize the families' chances at collecting federal death benefits.

"It's not about me; it's about the family you shot in the foot," said Captain Patrick Nichols, who supervised Payne and Cahill at the West Roxbury fire station on Centre Street. "All the media is now all over this. They've already gone through hell. This is a lot of crap."

But privately, other active firefighters said the news cut deeper than the legacy of two men and new grief for their families. The news, they said, raised unsettling doubts among firefighters that their fellow workers may pose a safety risk and should force the profession to confront the hard reality of substance abuse among firefighters.

"I just don't want everyone to think that this is all of us," said one Roxbury firefighter, who asked to remain anonymous because headquarters had instructed firefighters not to speak to the media. "We're not all just sitting around watching the Red Sox and knocking back a few beers. But I guess that's what people are going to think."

Jerome Posey, a retired firefighter who worked in South Boston from 1982 to 1990, is one of the few firefighters willing to publicly acknowledge the issue yesterday. He said alcohol abuse had been pervasive at his station, and that he had responded to calls when he was drunk. Fortunately, he said, he had never been hurt.

"With nothing to do, firefighters just tend to drink a lot and they tend to do a lot of drugs," said Posey, who now coordinates a substance abuse program. "I drank in the firehouse on a regular basis. There was no limit."

"When you're impaired, the training goes out the window," he said.

But Edward Yalmokas, 62, who retired 10 years ago after 25 years as a firefighter in South Boston, said he never noticed drinking on the job. "It wasn't like that," he said. "Most guys would study, read a book, play cards, whatever, wait for the bell to go off."

Karen Miller - president of the Boston Society of Vulcans, a nonprofit organization of firefighters - said she worries people will rush to judgment about the profession. "The only thing I can say is that the firefighters are public safety workers, and, like public safety workers everywhere, they're human beings," she said.

"They're still heroes," she added. "They died in the line of duty."

Residents of West Roxbury, a block from the fire station on Centre Street, said the fallen firefighters deserved compassion.

"This is a job with a lot of down time and a lot of stress," said Roslyn Pedlar, 45, of West Roxbury.

"It's not necessarily an indication of character. These are stressful jobs. I just hope people in that situation get help."

A firefighter at the door of the station declined to talk to a reporter and referred all questions to headquarters.

On the front of the firehouse, rosaries hung beside a picture of Jesus. Flags and stuffed animals, left in tribute to the two dead firefighters after the Aug. 29 blaze, remained alongside the entrance. A sign above the bay doors read, "The members of Engine 30 and Ladder 25 thank everyone for your support, prayers, and generosity."

Peter Schworm can be reached at schworm@globe.com. Tania deLuzuriaga and David Abel of the Globe staff contributed to this report.