Ed Perruzzi first glimpsed his son through the window of a Worcester foster home. Eleven-year-old George peered out, waiting for him. Then the screen door opened and George said, "Hi, Ed." And that was it.
"I was cooked," Perruzzi said. "I knew he was my son."
Before they met two years ago, George was just another foster kid in a big book of pictures and bios compiled by the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange. Based in Boston, the nonprofit organization connects children in state care - especially hard-to-place children, who may be older, have special needs, or accompanying siblings - with adoptive parents.
Perruzzi had spent hours with the book - the Photolisting - in the downtown library, carefully studying life stories, needs, and interests, photocopying the pictures of promising children. George was one.
Single and in his early 50s, Perruzzi owned a five-year-old hair salon that was thriving. He had bought a spacious home in Roxbury. He had completed his training through the state Department of Social Services and attended resource exchange adoption parties. He had met with social workers. He had always wanted to be a father, but now he felt ready. "I just wanted to create a family of my own," he said.
Children in foster care crave the same thing, said Lisa Funaro, executive director of the exchange, which celebrated its 50th birthday at Jordan's Furniture in Reading last Sunday. On National Adoption Day this Friday, the center will mark the adoptions of more than 200 foster children - initiated at different times but finalized on the same day - with ceremonies at eight courthouses across the state.
Since its inception, the adoption agency has helped place more than 5,000 children in permanent homes. About 600 foster children in Massachusetts are always waiting for families, Funaro said. It's a constant struggle to place them, as more trickle in. The exchange facilitates that flow, working with the state and private agencies to find homes. Its main tools are the Photolisting books, available in many public libraries, and regular features - WBZ-TV's "Wednesday's Child" and the Globe's "Sunday's Child."
The center also sponsors adoption parties and a traveling photo exhibit of waiting foster children, the Heart Gallery. The show will hang at South Station until Nov. 19, when it moves to the Boston Children's Museum. "A picture tells a thousand words," Funaro said. "To see that face makes it that much more real."
Of course, adopting is far more complex than an emotional response to a touching picture. Even after state training, prospective parents have tons of questions, Funaro said. They carefully weigh the academic and mental health needs, as well as backgrounds, of foster children, she said. Many are comforted to learn the state pays for therapy, healthcare, and state-university tuition bills for the children.
The biggest worry is that birth families will fight to take them back, Funaro added. "And that can't happen." Parental rights are terminated before children are adopted, she added. But adoptive parents are also counseled to accept that their "new" children have histories. "It's about adding, not subtracting," she said.
The resource exchange - where a "real person" still answers the phone - helps parents through the steps and questions, Funaro said.
Despite thorough planning, Willie and Pam Jones said there was no way to fully prepare for adopting their son Demakis, now 17. The Roxbury couple found themselves eager to give back, after they raised two children and Willie survived cancer in 2002. Like Perruzzi, they were in their early 50s with room and resources. Pam had a soft spot for foster children, having spent a short time in state care herself.
One Friday in the spring of 2003, they decided to adopt. "The following Sunday's child in the Boston Globe was Demakis," Willie said. Pam added, "I just immediately fell in love with him, looking at his picture." Later, they were surprised to learn some characteristics that attracted them to Demakis weren't true - he did not, for instance, enjoy jazz or reading the newspaper. Still, Pam's love-at-first-sight survived.
The family has also survived tough times, including the time when Demakis told his social worker his new parents were aliens, Willie said, laughing. He believes Demakis was testing them. They didn't break. And today, after counseling and work, he is a loving and successful son.
"It sounds easy intellectually, but in the real world, it's human beings developing trust and confidence in each other," Willie said. Tapping counselors, social workers, and doctors is crucial, they added. "You want to think all these kids need is love, but they need a whole lot more too," Pam cautioned.
Perruzzi, too, admitted that creating his family has not been easy. In June, he adopted a second son, 8-year-old Jay. George was not thrilled to share. Jay stressed over the transition. The boys are just starting to consider themselves brothers, Perruzzi said. He too, had to adjust. With two sons, his time is now filled with play dates, practices, homework, and dinners.
But he would take on two more, he said, happily. "When you hear them running up and down the stairs and playing, you feel so content. It makes a happy home."
To learn more about adoption, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange at 617-542-3678 or visit mareinc.org.
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