Pat Locke and her husband, Iain Miller, of Hudson are adopting sisters from Kyrgyzstan.
Hard choices as the year dawns
For 10 years, Pat Locke and her husband, Iain Miller, have been making decisions about what's best for them as a couple. Not anymore. Early in the new year they expect to become parents, and then the tough choices really start to mount.
"What we realized now is we've got to do what's right for the girls," said Locke, who is adopting two sisters, ages 4 and 6, from Kyrgyzstan.
In the new year, the couple, who live in Hudson, must decide whether to relocate, where to send their new daughters to school, and how to juggle work and child care, to name just a few items on their to-decide list.
Miller commutes to Houston for his job in the oil industry. Locke runs a gift shop. They've talked about moving, but are conflicted because Hudson feels like home.
"The Massachusetts area, to my mind, is a hell of a lot nicer than Houston," said Miller, who added that he is thinking about working one month on and one off to avoid the move.
So what if they stay?
"Do I take a step back from actually being in the shop?" said Locke. "Or do I have a nanny or use day care?"
Locke said she and Miller really have to get to know Dina and Ella better before they can make sound choices.
"A lot of this will be dictated by how they adapt," she said.
Miller agreed, saying he is eager to get past the first few months for the girls' sake, because he has been told that will be the most difficult period of adaptation for them.
"At the moment we're both nervous but excited," he said. "I'm really looking forward to it."
Locke sounds thrilled and confident about becoming a mother, perhaps because the couple has already stared down their fair share of challenges.
Locke, 50, and Miller, 47, married just before Locke's 40th birthday, and intended to have a baby on their own. About nine years later, they had exhausted pretty much every fertility treatment available, said Locke.
In October 2006, they went to Wide Horizons for Children in Waltham to pursue adoption. They soon learned that many countries have age restrictions and long waiting lists. But the program in Kyrgyzstan was brand new and didn't have either issue. And once the couple received the photo of the sisters, nothing else mattered. They wanted the girls.
Wide Horizons expects to place roughly 600 children with parents in 2008, approximately the same number the agency placed this year, according to Vicki Peterson, executive director.
That means leading hundreds of potential parents through their options. For example, every country has different requirements and quirks. Also, adopting an older child can be faster, but it can also mean taking on a child with emotional baggage - parents need to be aware, Peterson said.
"We want to make sure they know what the options are and the pros and cons for the choices they will be making," she said.
Although Locke knew Kyrgyzstan was part of the former Soviet Union, she admitted she didn't exactly know where it was.
"I'm looking at the globe," she recalled, "and I don't even see this place."
They visited in October and "fell head over heels in love with them," said Locke of the girls she already thinks of as daughters.
Yes, there are a million details to work out.
"I've got butterflies in my stomach," said Locke. "And I'm going to have to learn to cook."
© Copyright 2007 Globe Newspaper Company.
