College freshmen, don't forget to write - home
Q. I've chosen to attend a college that is a few hours away from my home. How much contact should I maintain with my parents next year, in terms of both speaking with them and visiting? How much is too much or too little? We get along pretty well and I want that to continue.
A.A., Hull
A. During the elation of stepping foot on a college campus, few freshmen stop to consider their parents’ long ride home to an empty, or less lively, nest. Kudos to you for having the foresight to weigh the matter now.
Though most parents wouldn’t want to dampen their child’s joy by lamenting his or her absence, or indulging in nostalgia, the absence of one they’ve loved and seen daily for 18 years can weigh heavily.
While your orientation is toward the future and the many paths and opportunities it presents, your parents tend to rewind past years and replay scenes that range from the dramatic to the mundane.
Attempt to be sensitive to this sea change. Take the time to call your parents a couple of times per week. Regardless of your folks’ email savvy, consider writing a letter every week or two as well.
There’s truth in the essayist Vivian Gornick’s remark that ‘‘a phone call is a reflex; a letter is an act of faith.’’ Planning a visit or two per semester seems apt. Alternate locations. After a month or two, you’ll want to give them a tour of your new world or revisit the familiar one of your home.
Many high school students participate in the adolescent tradition of creating distance from their parents, which often is necessary and salutary. Consider a different tack for the college years.
Use phone calls, letters, e-mail, and visits to make your parents cotravelers. They’ll enjoy learning about all that you’re learning inside and outside the classroom. In turn, you’ll discover dimensions to their character you never guessed existed.
Q. What advice would you offer a senior heading off to a liberal arts college next fall with no idea about what to choose for a major or what profession he wants to pursue?
M.G., Stoughton
A. First, take comfort in your decision to attend a liberal arts college, which exists to give you a chance to sample numerous subjects and, more important, to learn how to learn. Realize that few students have identified an eventual professional path as college begins and that many remain undecided as they accept a diploma. Rare is the postcollege job that makes specific use of college courses. Most employers will look at your college transcript and résumé for evidence of intellectual challenge, creative problem-solving, a talent for collaboration.
Play the field, particularly during your freshman and sophomore years. Seek out courses ranging from philosophy to physics to art history. Befriend an upperclassman and find out who the inspiring and challenging professors are; take their courses. Your goal is to become a versatile, resourceful scholar with myriad interests. In an ever-shifting job market, the protean thinker will flourish and find his or her way.
Again, there is time not only to read Shakespeare for a semester, but to test the validity of a line from "Hamlet": "by indirection, find direction out."
Ron Fletcher teaches English at Boston College High. To submit a question, e-mail asktheteacher@globe.com. Include your name, town, and e-mail address. Questions, upon request, can be printed anonymously. Ask the Teacher runs on alternate Sundays with Campus Insider, a roundup of higher education items.
