Parents, take the offensive on kids' drinking
It's spring, and that means prom and party season. Dresses, tuxes, limos. Bud Light. Wine coolers. Vodka.
Even though the legal age is 21, teen drinking has become the norm. Many parents don't think it's a big deal if their kid drinks. (Dumb.) Others are in denial that their child drinks. (Dumber.) Some even allow drinking parties in their homes with the poor excuse: I'd rather them drink here than in the woods. (Dumbest.)
This is the time of year when towns hold forums on teen drinking. Milton, Weymouth, Avon, Braintree, and other towns on the South Shore have invited parents and students to hear school, health, and law enforcement officials, as well as other young people, speak out on the issue.
During a recent session sponsored by the Milton Healthy Communities Coalition, the most sobering speaker was Corey Scanlon of Halifax. He told the audience about killing his two best friends during a drunken driving accident after graduation from Silver Lake Regional High School in 2002.
Scanlon, now 24, served two years in the Norfolk County House of Correction for vehicular homicide, lost his driver's license for life, and must live with the fact that he killed his friends. In a perfect world, he and others like him would go into every single middle and high school in the state, because drinking starts at such a young age.
According to a recent survey of Milton students in grades 7, 9, and 11, nearly half (45 percent) said they took their first drink between the ages of 11 and 14. Another 10 percent had their first drink between 15 and 16. The good news is that 38 percent said they had never taken a drink.
The most common age for a first drink is around eighth grade, says Alan Cron, assistant principal at Milton High School. Cron is coordinator of a federal Safe and Drug Free Schools grant that sponsored the survey. In my own scientific survey of the two former eighth-graders who call my house home, it's a time of dizzying hormonal swings and toxic peer pressure - enough to drive a mother, if not her kids, to drink.
I consulted another expert: a 16-year-old boy who lives on the South Shore. He does not want to be identified for an obvious reason: He drinks.
"Everyone drinks," he says. Kids get fake IDs for $65. They go to "sketchy" liquor stores, mostly in Boston. They party in the woods or at people's homes. One girl's house sustained $25,000 in damage during an unchaperoned party he attended, he says.
Children are making tough choices at young ages: Should they join the in-crowd and drink, or will they have the sense to put it off until they are more mature? It's hard to say no when so many others are saying yes, and communities should find ways to reward those decisions, and to offer alteratives for fun.
According to the National Institutes of Health, more than 5,000 underage drinkers die each year in car crashes, falls, drownings, burns, homicides, and suicides. Alcohol kills more young people than cocaine, heroin, and every other illegal drug combined. And these days, you've got to worry not only about the kids getting into your liquor cabinet, but into your medicine cabinet, too.
There's that corny commercial that makes my kids roll their eyes: "Parents: The Anti-Drug." But it's true. We can be good role models or bad examples. And if all else fails, we can always resort to the time-honored method of threats and bribes.
More than half of all Massachusetts students will ride in a car where a driver has been drinking. One pact many of us make with our children is that if they do drink, we will pick them up regardless of time or place. There's usually a "no questions asked" clause in there. It's tough but worth it, and you can always invoke parental privilege and ask - later.
Parents need to know where their children are. As I've told my own, I'd much rather have them embarrassed than dead. If they think you are going to hunt them down via phone or car, they may decide to reveal their whereabouts and obey curfew.
I have a neighbor whose motto is "Trust, but verify" (with apologies to Ronald Reagan). She has no compunction about calling or driving around to check up on her teenage son when he gives her a vague destination. She's spoken to parents she's never met just to make sure he's there. If there's a party going on, she'll call to make sure it's supervised.
In some towns, police take a strict zero-tolerance approach toward underage drinking. You get busted, you get arrested.
In Milton, on the first offense, police call parents and have them pick up the kids, either at headquarters or at the party site: woods, parks, and ponds. Usually, says Chief Richard Wells, it's a wakeup call: They don't see those kids again. (Possibly because their parents have grounded them for eternity.)
But repeat offenders, or "frequent fliers," as they're called, are arrested and may be sent to Quincy District Court, where they are required to pay fines, attend 12-step meetings, and listen to those whose lives have been shattered by alcohol abuse.
Wells's message to parents: "Know where your kids are. Just because you buy your kid a cellphone doesn't mean you know where they are all the time." Unless you get the new kind, with the GPS.
Columnist Bella English can be reached at english@globe.com.
The Norfolk County District Attorney's Office has created a video called "In A Split Second," in which Corey Scanlon tells his story; it can be found on YouTube.
