There’s a certain guilty pleasure that comes from reading about other people’s horrific traffic experiences without having to experience them. And so, when I heard that traffic coming off Cape Cod July 4th weekend was basically the worst thing that’s ever happened in the world, I couldn’t resist taking a look at the Tweets emanating from Route 6.
And I’m not going to lie: They were funny.
“Wait, hold up, traffic to get off the cape is TWENTY-FIVE MILES? 25?” Tweeted @Mark_Chiarelli last Sunday. “Good lord.”
“Cape Cod traffic is the worst thing you can ever imagine. I don’t wish this on anyone in life,” wrote @CoachRix8.
“You don’t know adversity until you sit in Cape traffic for 3 hours with no A.C.,” said user @DelaneyFlynn.
Existential loathing about the perils of weekend Cape-going was coupled with the anguish of some travelers who were devastated to miss Wimbledon and ended up following Andy Murray’s history-making triumph on their iPhones.
Probably, a lot of these people shouldn’t have been on their smartphones anyway, considering the fact that they were operating a motor vehicle — even if that vehicle was moving at a painfully slow crawl.
But reading their heart-wrenching dispatches, it’s hard not to have sympathy with their need to connect with the outside world.
“Would rather pour a bottle of shampoo in my eyes than sit in this car any longer,” wrote Darby McLaughlin.
“Like HOW is there still this much traffic going off cape,” said @Faynetastic.
And in a wonderfully holiday-appropriate, though perhaps somewhat inaccurate quote of one of our founding fathers, @TheNEClassic declared: “‘There are 3 sure things in life: death, taxes, and Cape Cod Fourth of July Traffic.’ —Benjamin Franklin.”
And some enjoyed the delights of Cape Cod traffic from a decidedly nonvehicular location.
After re-Tweeting MassDOT’s Sagamore Bridge update, @JamiePGallagher declared what everyone else was thinking: “I love my couch right now.”