That time of year
Every year around this time, we promise ourselves things will change come Jan. 1: the gym will become a more frequent stop, McDonald’s a less frequent one; we’ll be nicer and kinder to our kinsmen; etc.
This year, we feel like some of Boston’s best (athletes, owners, celebrities) need to step up their game in 2013. Hopefully they agree with us. Either way, here are some (tongue-in-cheek) suggestions on how they can make us all proud. Next
Resolved: Rajon Rondo will stop getting suspended by the NBA
We all love Rondo’s hustle and his basketball IQ, but the getting-into-fights stuff has to stop. Who wouldn’t love to hit Kris Humphries? After all, he’s a guy better known for his former significant other than his play on the basketball court. Still, keep your fists to yourself. Next
Resolved: The Bruins will play hockey in 2013
It’s time for the National Hockey League’s owners and players to get ’er done. The lockout (as in, the owners locking out the players) has gone on for nearly four months now. We want top-level hockey, even if it means we’ll be gouged at the box office. Next
Resolved: Something will happen to that ugly hole in the ground at Downtown Crossing
Really, haven’t we had to look at it long enough? A perfectly good, historic building (in the old Filene’s structure) was knocked down.
Yes, the global economic slowdown put the kibosh on financing for a massive project here. Yes, we’ve heard promises before (even earlier this year) about progress. But really, let’s get something done. Next
Resolved: Drivers and bicyclists will play nice on our roadways
The streets in our region are narrow, and we’re a provincial people, so when we see a cyclist trying to take an inch of roadway from us, we get angry. Let’s not do that anymore. We’re all on the same team, and probably all trying to get to the same place. Why can’t we spare the extra minute and let the biker make that right turn in front of us? Next
Resolved: Red Sox owners will remember that they own, well, the Red Sox
John Henry and Tom Werner are powerful men with deep pockets. It’s no surprise they’d try to be sports titans on two continents, hoping they could hit it rich with the Red Sox and Liverpool Football Club. But if anything, both teams have moved toward the middle of the pack as opposed to excelling. Do what you need to do to make your baseball team successful, John and Tom and remember which team you owned first. Next
Resolved: Robert Kraft will date someone his own age
Robert Kraft, newly single after his wife’s death, was born in 1941. Ricki Noel Lander, his girlfriend, was born in 1980. This makes Pizutti-Henry look tame by comparison. He’s old enough to (reasonably) be her grandfather! No question Ms. Lander is an attractive woman, but Bob might want to stick to his own neighborhood. And, yeah, avoid taking part in those script readings that could end up on the Internet. Next
Resolved: Wes Welker will catch every ball thrown his way in Super Bowl XLVII
We’re sure he doesn’t want to hear about getting the wrath of Gisele, again. So when the Patriots make the Super Bowl (we know they will) and when Tom Brady throws a ball his way (even if it’s not the best pass in the world), Wes will catch it. With his contract up at the end of the season, he has a few million reasons to want to do so. Next
Resolved: Gisele Bundchen will figure out a way for Tom Brady to throw and catch the ball
Speaking of Gisele, is there anything that woman can’t do? Well, this could be the ultimate test. She complained after the Patriots’ Super Bowl loss that Tom Terrific “can not [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.” But if she could make that happen, it would revolutionize football and make Brady immortal. Next
Resolved: Bill Belichick will smile more often at news conferences
We understand that the grand poobah of Patriots football doesn’t like to deal with the scribes and electronic talking heads; he views it as a step removed from a root canal. Fine. But try to fake it a little more, Bill. (In fairness, Belichick does come off pretty well when meeting in small settings with media members he likes. It’s just the large-scale sessions that seem to get under his skin.) Next
Resolved: Stephen Drew will promise not to be like his brother
They will share the same number jersey, but let’s hope Stephen is a little more fiery than his way-too-cool brother. (Us Boston fans like helmet throwing and public cursing; that’s why Kevin Youkilis was so beloved in this town.) He’s already assured us that he won’t be overly calm. “I’m laid-back but probably hold a little more emotion on my shoulder,” he promised at his recent introductory session with the local media. Next
Resolved: Governor Patrick will take responsibility for at least one of the scandals that erupted on his watch in 2012
Governor Patrick, let’s make a deal. You can pick any of the crises that confronted your administration this past year and take responsibility for just one of them. This is a generous offer so, we hope you’ll see the wisdom of falling on your sword for at least one of the following debacles:
1. A nationwide fungal meningitis outbreak tied to the New England Compounding Center in Framingham that has killed 39 people so far;
2. A scandal at a state drug lab that has already led to the releae from jail of 159 drug defendants;
3. The hiring of Sheila Burgess as state highway safety director, despite a driving record including seven accidents, four speeding violations and two failures to stop for a police officer.
Your move, Governor. Next
Resolved: Rob Gronkowski gives up porn stars for Lent
Ex-porn star Bibi Jones, who’s also known as Britney Maclin, keeps showing up like a bad habit for the Patriots tight end. We first met the pair in October 2011 when Gronkowski made headlines by posing with Jones, who was wearing his Patriots jersey. She resurfaced again during the Super Bowl. And then again in September, maybe.
So, it might be time for Gronk to just steer clear of the pornography industry altogther. Next
Resolved: The Green Line won’t have a crash in 2013
Green Line crashes are familiar headlines in Boston. The system experienced crashes in May 2008 in Newton, in May 2009 near Government Center and last month at Boylston Street Station.
The crashes could be avoided if the T invests in an automated system to track and control trains to prevent train-to-train collisions and derailments when drivers speed or miss track signals that look like traffic lights. The catch is it would cost $645 million to $721 million and require nine years to design, install, and test a modern collision avoidance-system for the Green Line. Next
Resolved: David Ortiz will admit Esther Rolle of “Good Times” is his mother
The picture says it all here. Back to the beginning
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