Among same-sex couples, proposals, tears flow

Lighty, 38, and his partner, Andrew Bigelow, 36, have been together for five years, and have two sons, Malik, 8, and Fernelis, 6. Now the boys will be best men at their wedding, which will be "a big blowout," Lighty said.

"My partner called and said, `Are you ready to do it?' and I said . . . `Absolutely,' " Lighty said. "I feel like I live in a different city today, a different state. I never thought it would happen. I'm still in shock."

Massachusetts saw more than the usual number of marriage proposals yesterday.

On the heels of the Supreme Judicial Court decision, gays and lesbians across the state became betrothed. While not every couple was planning a sprint to city hall, many who have been living together for years said they were determined to marry as soon as the court's ruling takes effect. Not just because they had been waiting for so long, but also because they were worried things could change if they left it too late.

"The minute we can apply for a license, we're there," said Jennifer Hess, 39, who is raising two children in Cambridge with her partner, Jennifer Bragdon, 43. "We'll probably have a huge wedding. It will be harder to reverse the law once people have started doing it. And we've been together 18 years, and we're hungry for the benefits marriage will give us. All these years, we're married in every way except on paper."

Hess, a technical writer for a software company, said yesterday's decision made her feel as if she could "sit at the table with other Americans, finally."

"This day to me means freedom and it means everything to me," she said. "I hear the words `liberty and justice for all' and I feel like I'm part of that, and I'm not carved out of that anymore. [Our] 10-year-old son Emmett can say, `My parents are married too,' and he hadn't had the power of those words, ever."

While some gays and lesbians aren't interested in marrying, or say the issue is not urgent to them, Scott Gortikov of Jamaica Plain wanted to act right away. Yesterday morning, he proposed to his partner Ross Ozer over the phone after hearing of the decision.

"Oh, God! I can now say I have a fiance," said Gortikov, 45, holding back tears during an interview.

Gortikov, a corporate training consultant, and Ozer, 42, a vice president at Fidelity Investments, already have decided on a wedding in their backyard. The couple met playing volleyball 17 years ago, and began dating even though Gortikov did not share Ozer's love for Johnny Mathis. They have an 18-month-old named Sam.

"I'm feeling ecstatic, and really tender, and really proud," Gortikov said. "I actually feel proud to be an American today."

John Murphy of Medford declared that his wedding will not be a modest affair. Murphy, 37, and Jose Gonzalez, 34, have been together almost four years, and are raising a 15-year-old together. Murphy, a bookkeeper, wants a traditional ceremony, with a hall and flowers and all of their family and friends. He is even hoping that his father will pay for the wedding.

"We're looking at a year from now," Murphy said. "I'm not going to rush out and get married just because it's there. It's not easy to coordinate a wedding. It would be big -- I have a big, supportive family, as does Jose -- 150 to 200 guests."

For Claire Humphrey and Vickie Henry, a Massachusetts wedding would be their third ceremony: They were married by their Unitarian minister at Wellesley College in 1998, and again in July in Ontario, a month after the province ruled gays could marry. Humphrey, 45, and Henry, 37, have been together for 10 years, and have two children, a 2-year-old and a 2-month-old. Their third ceremony will be low-key, Humphrey said.

"We are already married in our church and in the eyes of God," Humphrey said. "This is sort of like the state catching up with us. We are going to join the really long line of people going to the clerk's office in May."

Chelsea Elwell and Bridget Snell had planned to go to Canada next year to marry, but are now determined to apply for their license "as soon as you can get the permit," said Elwell, 34.

"There's no question there's a giddiness, like when the Patriots won the Super Bowl," said Snell, 39. "But at the same time there's nervousness. I'm sure [opponents] are going to make every effort to undermine what the Supreme Court has decided through changing the constitution. I'm thankful I live in Massachusetts because I believe the citizenry and Legislature will not make it possible. But there's that bit of hesitancy, [that it is] not totally won yet."

That hesitancy is felt more keenly by Bijan Etemad-Moghadam. He and his partner, Matthew Gilbertson, already have a Vermont civil union, and were married in Canada, but will not rush into marriage in Massachusetts until they are certain the SJC ruling will stick, he said.

"I'm very happy they made the right decision, that they had the courage," said Etemad-Moghadam, 35. "But I know that whenever there's one step forward, there's a lot of backlash. A lot of that hatred toward our community just comes out in force, and it's scary. You expect the worst to happen now, but it will only be a wave, and we'll still be standing, and then we'll go forward again."

The specter of a constitutional amendment to undo the court's decision looms large for James Costa, 39, who has been with his partner, John Archibald, 61, for 10 years. He wants a wedding that is "totally private, nothing splashy," he said. But not until he knows for sure the marriage ruling will stand.

"I would do it when the law says 100 percent that they're not going to take what we do and throw it out the following month," Costa said. "You don't want to go through it all and have the rug pulled out from under you."