After May 17, marriage is no cake walk, gays are told

PROVINCETOWN — Gay couples will have the right to get married May 17 in Massachusetts, but many may find that the questions over marriage benefits may have only begun, a panel of lawyers and probate judge said yesterday.

When ceremonies are over, gay couples will have to grapple with unresolved issues about how their marriages will affect issues such as taxes, wills, and adopted children, panel members told more than 125 gay men and lesbians at a free seminar on the legal ramifications of gay marriage. The answers to many legal questions may take months or years to be resolved. ‘‘We don’t have the answers to a lot of it. It is completely new ground,’’ said Joyce Kauffman, a Cambridge lawyer and member of the Massachusetts Lesbian and Gay Bar Association Family Law Section, which sponsored the seminar at Town Hall. ‘‘Frankly, if the Legislature hadn’t been trying to ban gay marriage for the past six months, we’d have all this figured out. But we don’t.’’

Unanswered questions include whether employers have policies in place that will extend health insurance coverage to same-sex spouses; whether same-sex marriages will be recognized in states that do not have a Defense of Marriage Act; and whether domestic agreements remain valid.

For out-of-state gay couples who had planned to marry in Massachusetts, the picture got even murkier yesterday. Governor Mitt Romney, who has said that a 1913 state law prohibits them from marrying in Massachusetts, said he planned to rewrite state marriage license application forms to require evidence of where gay couples live or plan to live.

‘‘There’s going to be litigation,’’ said lawyer Jo Ann Citron, of the Boston firm Altman & Citron. ‘‘We won’t have the answers. I can tell you that people will sue, and cases will have to go through the courts’’ to find the answers.

The panelists, which included Judge Angela Ordo ˜ nez, first justice of Dukes County Probate and Family Court, tried to present a realistic, if unromantic, view of marriage to those considering taking the step.

In some circumstances, being married will afford gay couples rights they do not have under domestic agreements.

For instance, panelists said, if a gay couple own a house today, and one partner goes into a nursing home, the federal government can put a lien on the property to pay for nursing home care, potentially leaving the healthy partner without a home. If legally married, the spouse is protected and the house can’t be seized.

However, panelists said, gay couples who are considering marriage also need to realize that, once married, either partner’s family members may be able to contest their will, meaning that a family member of a deceased spouse could sue for the couple’s joint assets. As of now, they cannot do that.

‘‘We just suggest that you look before you leap,’’ Kauffman said. The panelists listed other potentially sticky issues that will arise once gay marriages are legal. Gay couples may have to declare they are single on federal tax forms because the US Defense of Marriage Act does not recognize same-sex state marriages.

When having children, gay couples may still need to legally adopt even if they are married. Spouses of employees of federal agencies, such as the post office, would not have the same benefits as spouses of nonfederal employees.

For gay couples who live in the 38 states with Defense of Marriage Act policies, their Massachusetts marriage certificates would not be recognized in their home state.

‘‘The first place you should go if you want to get married is to the doctor for a blood test,’’ said Maureen Monks, a lawyer with the Women’s Law Collaborative.

‘‘After that, go to your lawyer, your human resources administrator, your financial adviser, your accountant — and then maybe tell your family.’’

Jacqueline Sperry, 66, of Provincetown, who attended the seminar with her partner of 39 years, Nancy L. Ross, said she has wanted to get married her entire life: They even bought wedding rings together in 1963 at Tiffany’s in NewYork City.

But because the legal aspects of gay marriage remain unclear, Sperry said, she is not sure she and her partner will take the step. ‘‘I’m 66. I’m a senior citizen.

What I have to be concerned about now is stability and what’s best for my partner. I don’t know [if marriage] is,’’ she said.

Others were not worried by the unknown, though. Joanne Holland and Mary Ann Newcomb, of Marshfield, have picked June 26 as the date for their wedding.

‘‘We’ve been waiting so long to be married. I want to take advantage of it,’’ saidNewcomb.

The MLGBA Family Law Section plans to hold a similar information session at Northeastern Law School on May 12 at 7 p.m.