Writer urges civility on gay marriage
Many people oppose gay marriage on religious grounds. But they also would disagree with certain biblical traditions of marriage, including some of the teachings of Jesus. Journalist Jonathan Rauch makes the point not to pick a fight, but to spur a respectful debate in "Gay Marriage: Why It Is Good For Gays, Good For Straights, And Good For America" (Times Books/Henry Holt and Co.).
Rauch reasons civilly against all aspects of the arguments against same-sex marriage, while acknowledging the powerful influence of religious opposition in particular. He writes of asking a devout Christian friend whether anything could persuade him to drop his opposition to gay marriage. No, the friend replied, because "marriage is bigger than we are."
With the state to begin issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples Monday, Rauch spoke at a Boston Public Library panel discussion this week on the topic. He has been in a relationship with another man for more than seven years. He describes himself as culturally Jewish, but religiously unobservant.
Q.You write that even religious conservatives disagree with some traditional views on marriage, including some Jesus had.
A.The religion of our forefathers, the biblical patriarchs, sanctioned and embraced polygamous marriage. Monogamy came much later. Jesus was strongly opposed to divorce. He said nothing about homosexuality, but divorce he was absolutely clear on. Divorce [today] is not only legal, but widely practiced. The point is that lots of religions have lots of different views of what marriage is, and in many respects, those views are not in accord with what marriage has become in American society.
Q.You predict that "houses of worship will bless gay unions" someday. Why?
A.To say to somebody, "I take you, I give you care, I give you commitment, on good days and also on bad days, for better and for worse, for the rest of our lives," is an ennobling commitment. And it's something that I believe many religions will come to see as an ennobling commitment, the ultimate gesture of a deeper kind of love than passion or infatuation. Unitarians have been blessing same-sex unions, and I think Christian denominations are not more than a generation behind. I think I will live to see the day when mainstream churches and synagogues are sanctifying same-sex unions.
Q.If that's so, are you surprised by the ferocious opposition to gay marriage, the Catholic Church in particular?
A.I don't expect the Roman Catholic Church to come around any time soon. I think, though, that in the Episcopal Church, we're a generation away from many churches celebrating same-sex unions.
I'm not surprised [by opposition]. Marriage has been male-female continuously in Western culture for 3,000 years, and religions are our keepers of tradition. That's part of their job. I would guess that Roman Catholicism will be either a holdout or slower in coming. They have a quite evolved theology which regards homosexuality as a particular kind of sin and a very specific view of marriage. They've got a lot of structure built around the prohibition of gay marriage.
Q.Are religious objections to gay marriage the hardest to answer intellectually, morally?
A.Not morally. The moral basis for same-sex marriage is very consistent with what most religions teach -- the sanctity of love and the nobility of union and committing yourself to something larger than yourself. Intellectually, religious objections can be tough, because there isn't all that much you can say to somebody who says, "Look, I don't care about arguments. God says it's wrong." The pleasant thing is finding that most religious people are very willing to talk about this. American religious people believe in reason. They believe in using the mind. They believe that God gave us that organ for a reason.
Q.You make a point that religion influences the way we think about civil marriage.
A.Marriage is a hybrid of legal marriage and social marriage. Legal marriage is the stuff you get at the courthouse. It's the more than a thousand legal benefits and burdens. Social marriage is the engagements, the stag parties, the bridal showers, the weddings, the rings, the anniversaries, the how's-your-husband, how's-your-wife -- all of the expectations our communities weave that help keep couples together.
Religion is an important component of social marriage. The real job of gay marriage will only be done when, someday, gay marriages are conducted in places of worship -- when they've reached the level of social acceptance that society expects the same thing of gay married couples that it does of straight married couples.
Q.Have [you and your partner] considered being married in one of the churches that performs it, like Unitarian?
A.No. Neither of us is a Unitarian. It's no good to be married in someone else's religion. The point of social marriage is to be married in the eyes of your community. Rich Barlow can be reached at rbarlow.81@alum. dartmouth.org.
