Charities' decision leaves Catholics torn

The decision by Catholic Charities of Boston to abandon adoption work rather than allow adoptions to same-sex couples left a tumultuous wake of misgivings yesterday among the city's Catholics, whether they support or oppose the Vatican's ban on adoption by gays.

Some applauded the decision, saying it was a relief that Archbishop Sean P. O'Malley had adhered to Vatican teachings, even as they rued the end of Catholic Charities' 103-year-old commitment to finding homes for foster children. Others expressed dismay that Catholic Charities, the archdiocese's charitable arm, was unable to bridge the gap between Vatican doctrine and the advances gays have made in civil society.

On both sides of the issue, people said they had been proud of the church's adoption service, and now they were grieving its end. Many Catholics said they felt a sense of anguish, torn between what they felt was good for children and acceptable in the church.

Donna Field, 46, a physical therapist from Lynn, said she was happy that church leaders had stood up for the Catholic teaching against adoption by gays. But it was hard for her to celebrate yesterday, she said, when the defense of that teaching had caused the demise of what she called one of the church's proudest charitable missions -- finding families for foster children.

''I'm not happy that it had to be done, but I'm happy that they're standing up for our faith," Field said as she sipped coffee outside a Dunkin' Donuts on Adams Street in Dorchester's Lower Mills.

''We have to have some moral guidance, and if that's what our church teachings are -- which they are -- then we have to follow them. We can't be wishy-washy and be cafeteria Catholics," she said. ''It's about time they stood up for what they believe in."

A block away, Michelle Finneran, 39, an advertising account manager from Dorchester, said she was also mourning the decision by Catholic Charities of Boston to abandon adoption work. As a Catholic who believes that gays should be allowed to adopt, she was upset that leaders of her church had decreed otherwise. And now, she said, she's not sure she can raise her children as Catholics.

''I am so conflicted right now," she said outside Flat Black Coffee Co. on Washington Street in Dorchester. ''I mean, those children are better off with parents, rather than being in foster care. That's the bottom line, and who am I to say a gay couple is not going to be good parents?"

Such reactions swept Boston, a day after O'Malley and leaders of Catholic Charities of Boston had announced that the agency would end its adoptions rather than comply with state law requiring that gays be allowed to adopt. The Rev. J. Bryan Hehir, president of Catholic Charities of Boston, and Jeffrey Kaneb, chairman of the board, said that after wrestling with the issue, they could not reconcile church teaching that says placing children in gay homes is ''immoral" with Massachusetts law prohibiting discrimination against gays. Hehir, announcing the decision, called it ''a difficult and sad day for Catholic Charities."

Catholic Charities that are part of dioceses in Fall River and Worcester have yet to announce any changes regarding their adoption policies.

Finneran said it seemed that Catholic Charities of Boston had walked away from needy children.

''I'm trying to keep the faith, saying we'll get through this, we'll get through this bad time, and then something like this happens, and it just makes me sad," Finneran said.

Her husband, John Finneran, 40, a teacher, said he was also dismayed.

''It's kind of hypocritical, what's going on in the Catholic Church, for them to dictate who can and can't have a family," he said.

Yesterday, some prominent Catholic Democrats also said they were dismayed that the church had decided to forgo a social service that had been a source of pride for the city.

''This is a sad day," said US Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who was at a rally for his supporters yesterday at a Dorchester union hall. ''Catholic Charities has done an extraordinary job helping children and that was always my primary concern, and so it's just sad for children that need help."

Outside the rally at Florian Hall, Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly called it a ''tragedy" for Catholic Charities and the children they helped place in homes, about 720 over the last 20 years.

''They've lost sight of what's really important here," Reilly said. ''They've lost sight of the mission, as I understand it, of Catholic Charities and of my church: Children come first. And children are going to be hurt by this."

The agency's decision was remarkable for the churning distress it provoked among Catholics on both sides of the divide over gay adoptions. Some, like Veronica Donovan, 72, owner of Donovan's Village Tavern on Dorchester Avenue in Dorchester, said they felt forced into a conflict between the gay families they see around them and the faith they have in church teachings.

''The children that I know who are adopted by gays, they're doing fine," Donovan said. ''So I have mixed emotions because, in my head, I'm a true Catholic. It's kind of pulling me both ways."

Bob Frazer, 70, a former telephone company worker who had come to the Kennedy rally after a Mass yesterday, was happy about Catholic Charities' decision. ''It's the right thing to do," Frazer said. ''When a child is born, it should have a male and female as his parents. That's the way it's written."

He faulted society for forcing the church to abandon adoptions.

''It's the culture today," he said. ''They want to turn against all that is good."

Paul Nevins, 61, a West Roxbury lawyer who was at Kennedy's rally, was having less difficulty with the issue. He called it ''stupefying" and ''mean-spirited" of Catholic Charities to quit adoptions after more than a century. Educated in Catholic schools in Boston, Nevins wondered if the Catholic Church would survive.

''Perhaps they can survive this generation, given their endowments, but they're going to be dead the next generation," Nevins said. ''They've made a decision -- institution over laity."

Some said the decision seemed inevitable, as the church's teachings come into conflict with the policies set by a relatively liberal Legislature. Lawmakers have so far ignored attempts by O'Malley and other church leaders to win an exemption to the state's antidiscrimination policy, one that would allow Catholic Charities to abide by Vatican teachings and exclude gay couples from adoptions.

Walking yesterday on Washington Street in Dorchester, Lynda Watson, 46, a Milton shop owner, said she wasn't so much distraught as resigned to the news that Catholic Charities of Boston was quitting adoption work.

''It's a shame that they're giving up adoptions," she said, ''but if they're not willing to be fair and equitable, then they should get out of the business."