Women advised not to try to 'do it all'

The idea of professional women being able to ''do it all"-- have children, maintain a healthy marriage, and balance a successful career and community obligations -- is unrealistic, said a panel of female executives yesterday at a leadership conference for women in South Boston.

Women who are both career- and family-oriented should focus on accomplishing their goals sequentially, rather than on doing everything at once, which can lead to significant levels of guilt and stress, the panelists said.

''It's almost impossible, and I don't know anyone who has it all," said Sherry Lansing, president of the Sherry Lansing Foundation and former chairwoman of Paramount Pictures Motion Picture Group, during a panel discussion on business and leadership.

The panel was held during the Simmons School of Management Leadership Conference at the Seaport World Trade Center. About 2,500 women looking to network and gain insights on career management attended the conference, which included discussions on workplace equality, mentoring, and money management.

''Yes, you could do it all, but you will have a nervous breakdown," said Lansing.

The message is a far cry from the can-do spirit of previous decades, speakers indicated, when female leaders heralded the ability of businesswomen who worked long hours while also shouldering PTA duties, organizing fund-raisers, and spending time with their children and spouses.

Other featured speakers at the conference included CNN anchor Soledad O'Brien, actor and human rights activist Alfre Woodard, and lawyer Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former vice presidential candidate John Edwards.

Lansing, who was the first woman to head a major movie studio, spent much of the morning talking about her decision not to have children. Lansing eventually married and now helps raise her husband's two sons from a previous relationship, she said.

The conference also addressed discrimination in the workforce.

Young women are often not aware that inequalities based on gender still exist, said Brenda Gaines, former CEO of Diners Club North America. Women are still overlooked for positions because of the fear that they will go on maternity leave, she said. Traditional male methods of bonding, such as playing golf, still matter in the boardroom, she said.

Gaines encouraged attendees to not take more than five years off from their careers to stay at home with children. Even then, she said, they should keep their resumes up to date by doing volunteer or freelance work.

Cristina Silva can be reached at csilva@globe.com