Four families changed by Catholic Charities

Here are excerpts of interviews with people whose adoptions were made possible by Catholic Charities of Boston.

Leslie Markham, 21, and Mike I. Markham, 17, of Pepperell, and their adoptive parents, Cecily and Mike J. Markham

Leslie and Mike were foster children, ages 10 and 6, when they first met their adoptive parents. Leslie is a senior at Framingham State College, and Mike is a junior at Groton-Dunstable Regional High School.

Leslie: I remember a Catholic Charities worker taking my brother and I out of our biological family situation. When she came, Michael was crying and screaming. I was `Get me out, ASAP. Take me anywhere but here.' At 10, I was an adult. I had taken care of my brother.

Mike J. (father): There's a reason they're called special needs. The first year they came here, there was this one day he [Mike] didn't want to eat lunch. The only thing he wanted was his Doritos. I took the Doritos away from him and at this point, he starts crying, like a wounded dog. And this continued for two hours straight. Eventually, I was holding him in my lap.

Cecily Markham : A counselor explained what happened was the control was being taken away from Michael because of their issues. They never had control over their lives.

Leslie: We're becoming so open with the gay issue. The older generation may think differently.

Mike J. (father): I understand what the bishops were saying [about gay adoptions]. They're looking at it from a religious, spiritual, and scriptural tradition.

Leslie: As I've gotten older, my parents are my best friends. Now, I feel a part of me has the same mindset as my parents.

Mike I: I like school, but not as much as [Leslie] does. I like to learn, too, but I'm more the social kind.

Cecily : Remember he used to be quiet? Well, now it's the other extreme.

Leslie Sabatino, 36, of Dedham

Born in 1969, she was adopted as a newborn by a Roslindale couple, who had a daughter of their own. She is now a nurse at Brigham & Women's Hospital and was married last year.

My [adoptive] mother died when I was 13. I didn't understand adoption that well. I didn't know if contracts became null and void. Do I have to find a new family? `No,' my Dad said. `I'm your Dad, you're staying with me.'

I first heard about Catholic Charities in high school. I went to public school, and not everyone was the ideal Catholic girl. So things happened. They needed help.

I'm not sure I want to find my birth parents. I don't want my world tipped upside down. What if I don't like them? What if they were drug addicts? That would probably just ruin my confidence. If I found out, I'd be like, `Wow, that's going to happen to me. That's in my genes.'

When I heard Catholic Charities' adoption agency was closing, I thought `Where are my records in case in 10 years, God forbid, I get some catastrophic disease and I need to find my birth parents?' Also, nobody seems to be thinking about these little kids. Some people don't have money to go overseas for a baby.

One of the first things my husband asked me was: `Are you Catholic?' I said: `Yes, why? Are you Catholic? . . . OK, then, we can date.' It was like joking, but it was important because of my background.

My assumption is that my [birth] parents were not from around here. I heard they were a young Italian couple who came to the United States to do this adoption thing. It's just hearsay. But I like the hearsay because it sounds romantic.

Joshua Soly-Poirier, 3, Lowell, with his adoptive parents, Deb Soly and Jill Poirier

He was born with drugs in his system and put in foster care. When he was about a year old, his birth father's cousin, Deb Soly, and her partner, Jill Poirier, adopted him. Soly also has a 14-year-old daughter.

Jill: When he came to us, he had prenatal drug exposure. He's extremely oral with everything. He would scream for hours on end for food. He was delayed in his speech and involved in early intervention. Now, he is considered entirely in the normal range.

Deb: He'd throw things. Temper tantrums. It's a lot better.

Jill: [In preschool], the bad days are more than the good days.

Deb: We're working on the positive, giving him stickers toward . . .

Jill: What are you earning right now? A trip to . . .

Joshua: The Rainforest Cafe.

Jill: When Catholic Charities first called us [as the agency for Joshua], our question was Catholic Charities? Is there going to be an issue? They said no, none at all. Their home study was based on what's best for that child. Even when we went through [adoption training] last fall, you have a choice of where you go, and we chose to go to Catholic Charities. Two other lesbian couples were there.

Deb: It's upsetting that they [Catholic leaders] think our relationship is depraved. He gets the love he needs. In any family, you do the best you can for that child.

Deb: (Asking Joshua) Who are we? Who am I?

Joshua: Momma.

Deb: (pointing to Jill) Who is she?

Joshua: Mommy.

Deb: I assume some time he will ask about a Dad, but I don't think he's going to feel he's missing anything. He has male role models -- his uncles, Pappa, and Grandpa.

Andrew Davidson, 35, of Shrewsbury

Was 6 months old when a Northborough couple, with one biological son, came to his foster home. He now works in development at Harvard University and is married with two sons.

My parents went to Catholic Charities looking for a baby girl. They said, `We're in short supply of girls, but we have this delightful little boy.' My mother said from the first time they met me they knew they would adopt me. She also said my birth mother stipulated that I be raised Catholic.

In our household it was a matter of pride. I loved going to school and at sharing time saying, `I'm adopted!'

I remember a nun coming to my house to talk to my mother about how the adoption was going. My brother, who was older said, `You better behave.' I went under the table and bawled my eyes out. I was just scared. I didn't want to leave my house.

After locating my birth mother in 2001, the first thing I told her was `Thanks for not having an abortion.' Not that it was a legal option then. I learned she married my father eight years after I was born, they had two little girls. . . . I met my birth family a few years ago in San Francisco. It was amazing.

How thankful I am to be adopted. Now, Catholic Charities is deciding not to do that. I don't think people decide if they are gay or straight. There are plenty of gay people who would be wonderful parents.

I think the wrong thing to do is walk away from the church. The right thing to do is influence their decisions. I am Catholic. I'm proud of being Catholic.