Some decency, please!

Miss Conduct, a.k.a. Robin Abrahams, is a Cambridge-based writer with a PhD in psychology. Her column appears in The Boston Globe Magazine. City Weekly asked her to comment on the state of civility on the T:

‘‘I think that behavior on the T has entered into a vicious cycle, in which people feel disrespected and imposed upon both by the system’s considerable inadequacies and by other passengers. Many people deal with this unpleasant feeling either passively (e.g., using headphones, refusing to look at other passengers) or aggressively (e.g., taking up too much space, talking loudly). This in turn leads others to feel disrespected and imposed upon, and so forth.

‘‘The only thing we can control in life is our own responses to a situation. You do not have to allow the negativity of the T to affect your own behavior to others. Think of it as a little ethical workout every day. Can you endure 20 minutes of unpleasantness with grace, kindness, and dignity? Put that way, it seems almost insultingly easy to ask yourself to be a decent person on the T, and if more of us took this attitude, things might change.’’