Sides call for civility in gay marriage debate

BOSTON --Groups on opposite sides of gay marriage this week called for civility as the debate over a proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage moves forward, but some say the state won't avoid a nasty battle despite appeals for mutual respect.

The proposed amendment will appear on the November 2008 ballot if approved by lawmakers during the current legislative session. That prospect looks to intensify an already bitter battle.

Gay marriage opponents say they object to being called "haters" and "bigots," while gay marriage supporters say their opponents are more "anti-gay" than "anti-gay marriage" and point to a leading gay marriage opponent accused of assaulting a gay rights activist at a rally.

Kris Mineau of the Marriage and Family Institute, which opposes gay marriage, said both sides owe it to the voters to be cordial.

"People take sides, let's discuss it, let's debate it, let's recognize one another as fellow citizens and human beings," Mineau said.

On Wednesday, Mineau's group announced an "Initiative to Promote Mutual Understanding and Dialogue on Same Sex Marriage" just hours before gay activists held a previously scheduled candlelight vigil to "promote peace and respect."

The vigil at Boston Common was held in response to assault and battery charges against Larry Cirignano, director of the anti-gay marriage group Catholic Citizenship, who's accused of pushing a gay rights activist to the ground during a December rally in Worcester in support of the constitutional amendment.

Cirignano, citing the pending case, declined comment to The Associated Press on Thursday. But he has denied pushing the woman and called her fall "great theater." A hearing in the case before a clerk magistrate is scheduled for Feb. 20.

Tom Lang of Know Thy Neighbor.org, a sponsor of the vigil, said he's skeptical of calls for civility in the debate because gay marriage opponents aren't honest about the real reason they oppose gay marriage: "They don't like gay people."

"The dialogue can't exist unless they're honest and they come clean about how they really feel about gay people," he said. "We'd like them to just admit it."

Arline Isaacson of the Massachusetts Gay & Lesbian Political Caucus, said she believes political opponents such as Mineau are acting in good faith. But she said any campaign against gay marriage inevitably draws virulently anti-gay activists from out of state who will say hateful and destructive things. Groups such as Mineau's have to take responsibility for that, she said.

"It's naive at best to think it won't happen," Isaacson said.

Mineau said his group isn't against gay people, but rather for promoting the man-woman model of marriage as the best way for society to raise children.

"That's what we should all be esteeming for," he said. "We shouldn't try to deconstruct it."

Ray Flynn, who founded Catholic Citizenship, said he's "uncomfortable" that the debate has devolved into two sides screaming at each other from opposite sides of the street in front of the Statehouse.

"There's so much division and anger," he said.

Prominent religious and political leaders on both sides of the issue need to step forward to publicly discuss the issue with each other, Flynn said. That would to marginalize extremists and change the tone of a debate the public needs to have, Flynn said.

"What you're doing is sending a message to people on both sides of the issue that there's openness, there's dialogue, there's respect," he said.