A duty to honor
As communities observe Veterans Day, families who have lost loved ones use creative ways to ensure that the fallen will never be forgotten
Over the past five years, a growing group has embraced Veterans Day as a time to remember and honor those lost, and renew the strength to carry on.
For families of soldiers south of Boston who have died in Iraq or Afghanistan, this is a time to share what they feel every other day of the year: the grief, mixed with the pride. It's about commemorating loved ones through plaques, memorials, and even tattoos, they said.
This holiday, Michelle Shea hopes people will take a look at the KIA-MOM (Killed in Action) plate she has on her car. Mary Ellen Callahan will see the documentary "Remember Us." Karianne Golemme may walk the Freedom Trail created in honor of her brother, Army National Guard Sergeant Michael Jason Kelley, at Christ Lutheran Church in Scituate.
"We look for different things to keep his memory going," Golemme, 33, said. "We miss him, but we look to honor him."
Paul Monti, of Raynham, will probably spend Veterans Day updating the websites that have been established in his son's memory since he died in June 2006. It's an opportunity to raise awareness about the scholarship that has been set up in Army Sergeant Jared Christopher Monti's name at Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School. Paul Monti is amazed - and overwhelmed - at the 14 pages of comments family and friends have written about his son on one website.
There are those, such as Callahan, of Hanson, whose efforts reach far beyond Veterans Day. She is starting a local chapter of American Gold Star Mothers, an organization for those who have lost a child in military service. Callahan is rallying support for the Toys for Tots program that her son, Staff Sergeant William Joseph Callahan, volunteered for whenever he was on leave from the Marines. She also is involved in the Wreaths Across America program that places greenery on veterans' gravesites in Arlington National Cemetery and at other cemeteries and monuments around the country.
William Callahan died April 27 in Iraq.
"This is my journey; this is what my son would have expected me to do," said Mary Ellen Callahan, who said a new Gold Star Mothers chapter would unite residents south of the Boston area, reaching to Cape Cod.
In 1954, President Eisenhower renamed Armistice Day - marking the end of World War I - as Veterans Day, to ensure that those who had served in World War II and the Korean War also would be remembered. Since then, Vietnam veterans and those who have served since Sept. 11, 2001, have been added to the legacy of all servicemen and women - living and dead - honored every year on Nov. 11.
On Veterans Day, members of the Fisher family take a long look at the tattoos some got in honor of Donald Eugene Fisher II soon after the Army corporal died in Iraq. They also repeat the prayer that was written in the Brockton native's memory. Most members of the family got tattoos of either a picture of Donald or the prayer. He was known as Superman to everyone because he fit the name, family members said.
Donald Fisher II, whose family moved to Washington state when he, his brother, and sister joined the Army, considered Veterans Day his favorite holiday of the year, his father said. It's also the day he died, two years ago today.
"He just loved the flag," said Donald Fisher, of Tacoma.
For other families, Veterans Day means making a special trip across the bridge named after a loved one who died in the war. The Route 44 span over Brook Street in Carver was named for Robert E. Rooney in June 2006, the same month the North River bridge in Scituate was dedicated to Michael J. Kelley. Both were sergeants in the Army National Guard.
Throughout the year, some have found ways of keeping alive the memories of those lost. Kevin Farrar, who lost his son, Andrew Kevin Farrar Jr. of Weymouth, in Iraq, recently attended a weightlifting competition, something the pair had planned to do together long ago. "It's very difficult for families to accept that their son or daughter might be forgotten," said Farrar. "Life goes on, and it's difficult to accept others don't grieve with you."
When she gets the chance, Martina McCabe says a thank you to a veteran to honor her boyfriend, Army Private Norman Darling, who was from Quincy. Dana Bean, of Pembroke, sends packages to troops overseas, and stays in contact with soldiers in the Army unit that his son Matthew served with in Iraq.
Michelle Shea, whose son, Jeffrey Charles Burgess of Plymouth, was killed in Iraq in March 2004, regularly updates a MySpace page in his name. It's a way to stay in touch with the many comrades he had who somehow feel the need to call her and express their sympathy, no matter what time of night. Burgess, a Marine, was born on Patriots Day, and on any given day during his childhood he could be found playing Army, his mother said.
Shea reluctantly lays claim to being one of the first mothers in the area to lose a son in Iraq, and relives the nightmare each time she reads another Department of Defense announcement. She sympathizes with the newcomers during American Gold Star Mothers meetings, and recognizes mothers who have felt her grief every time she attends an event.
"You know that pain, you know that walk," Shea said. "There's no one for them to talk to."
So families find one another, through the Gold Star Mothers, or through the websites allowing them to share their memories, such as legacy.com. Callahan has left a comment in honor of the soldiers from the south-of-Boston area who have died in the war.
James Rooney never realized how many friends his brother, Robert, who spent time living in both Plymouth and Carver, really had. Shayne M. Cabino, a Marine from Canton and Franklin, wasn't the youngest of his family, but in a way was still the baby among his brothers and sisters, because he was always the center of attention, said his brother, Justin Cabino.
Walter O'Haire was a Marine who is known as the hero to his brothers and sisters, and the dozens of foster children his parents took in when he was growing up.
"He's my hero," said his mother, Maureen O'Haire, of Rockland.
In some families, there is a future of hope in the fresh new faces who will carry on the names of soldiers they will never have a chance to meet, long after Veterans Day has passed.
Some families see hope, and pride, in the next generation. Marcus Anthony Palermo was born just weeks after his father, Army Captain Anthony Palermo of Brockton, was killed April 6 in Iraq.
William Callahan named his son Daniel Allen Callahan, after two men he served with who died in Iraq. William Callahan was killed 10 days after his son was born.
Brian Oliveira, a Marine from Raynham, never got to meet his son, Nathan.
"Brian was so happy when his son was born, and then to die six weeks later, before he came home," his mother, Lillian Oliveira of Fall River said.
"No words can describe how Brian was . . . and his son will be proud of his father."
Milton Valencia can be reached at Valencia@globe.com. 