Quietly, Patrick keeps up a somber duty

Yesterday, Governor Deval Patrick attended his 34th funeral or memorial service for a service member killed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, this one for Petty Officer Tyler J. Trahan, a 22-year-old from East Freetown who died when a roadside bomb exploded in Fallujah.

This is Patrick's view of war, not of the front lines of battle or the conference rooms where policy is set, but along the edge of human grief, in one church after the next, watching families come to terms with the suddenness and depths of their loss.

He has witnessed entire towns halt in honor of deceased soldiers, canceling classes as complete strangers come to pay respects to a man they never knew. At a funeral in a largely Hispanic church in Revere, Patrick welled up with patriotism as immigrants, many of them said to be undocumented, wouldn't leave the service before singing "God Bless America."

"You'd have to be a stone not to be moved," Patrick said, himself growing teary-eyed during a 15-minute interview in his office late yesterday, the Trahan funeral still fresh in his mind. "It's the family's loss, and how untimely it is. You can't help but be struck by the youth. I have been to funerals where a spouse came with a child the lost serviceman had never even held. There's a tiny young mother holding this baby."

Patrick has been reluctant to publicly discuss his attendance at these events, not wanting to take away from the families. He spoke yesterday only after being pressed by the Globe, which recently reviewed his official schedule for his time in office and tallied the number of funerals he has attended.

Patrick, by choice, rarely plays any public role at the funerals, instead praying and singing with the congregation.

"I try not to intrude," Patrick said. "Most of the time there's an opportunity to express sympathies directly to the family. I've tried to do that in a separate room or at the car, so it's not a production. It's just one human being to another."

Politicians have had different approaches in attending military funerals. President Bush made a point not to attend any, because he argued that attending one would mean rejecting others. Catherine Baker Knoll, the former lieutenant governor of Pennsylvania, was criticized for attending a funeral uninvited and handing out her business card.

Mitt Romney made a point of attending funerals of Massachusetts servicemen and women when he was governor. Patrick has attended all funerals of fallen servicemen and women in Massachusetts since taking office, aides said.

"I thought it was important that the families knew the highest elected officer of the state recognized their sacrifice, and there was nothing more important in Massachusetts on that day I could do," Romney, who attended over 40 wakes or funerals, told the Associated Press in 2007.

"The service and the sacrifice are profound," Patrick said. "Whatever you think of the mission, that there are people who are willing to step up and place themselves in harms way for us deserves honor."

Patrick's political views put him at odds with the decision to put troops in Iraq, but he says that does not affect him.

"My view of the mission is my view of the mission," he said. "But it doesn't take away from how extraordinary these contributions are, and my respect for the soldiers and sailors and air men and women who do it."

"There is no bitterness," Patrick added. "I have never been to one of these things where there is any, 'I wish this one or that one hadn't joined this or that branch.' There's just such pride and respect for the contribution. It is incredibly moving."

Patrick said he has been able to track the focus on the wars by the number of funerals being held. "There was a period about a year ago, a year and a half ago, when we had a lot of them close together, a lot of loss," Patrick said. "In a way, you can feel the ebb and flow of the mission. There's been a relatively long period, before the one today, of not so many."

In 2007, his first year in office, Patrick attended 22 funerals, according to a Globe review of his official schedule. He attended seven last year and has gone to five so far this year. He went to six in May 2007 alone.

Patrick also missed the start of the Democratic National Convention, flying back from Denver for the funeral of Army Private First Class Paul E. Conlon, Jr., in Mashpee. He returned to the convention to give his speech.

On Oct. 6, 2007, there were two funerals on the same day: a funeral Mass in Quincy for Ciara M. Durkin, a 30-year-old Army National Guard corporal who died in Afghanistan, and a funeral in Falmouth for Zachary D. Tellier, a 31-year-old infantryman who died in Afghanistan. Patrick attended both.

"What do you say to a parent that's lost a child, to a sister who's lost a brother?" Patrick said. "I thank them for their service. I tell them if there's anything I can do to help in any way, I'll do anything in my power.

"The other thing you're so stuck by is the youth," Patrick added. "You see their friends who are dealing, you can tell, with their first close exposure to death. The utter disbelief on their faces, on the parents'. It's not the order of things. It's incredible. It's incredibly moving."

Family members say they appreciate the governor's attending, along with members of Congress, local politicians, and military brass. The encounters are typically brief, sometimes nothing more than a handshake.

"If they didn't come out, I would have been insulted," said Dominick Iwasinski, a waste-water treatment technician from Belchertown whose son, Army Private First Class Kenneth J. Iwasinski, was killed in Baghdad in 2007 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle.

"My son paid the ultimate price," he said. "It's not them paying respects to me; they're paying their respect to my son."

Matt Viser can be reached at maviser@globe.com.