Growing up in Dorchester, he said he was often high on crack cocaine, smoking $200 worth a day and drinking heavily. Sober now for nine years, he said he now accepts that mental illness is part of who he is. "I'm not (saying) that I don't have a mental illness, because I do,'' he said. Today, with medication to ease his mania, he is able to live safely outside the strict rigors of an institution.