Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story
In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.
Read the series
Page 3
I really was taken by this story. I have a sister who is a social worker, and is constantly dealing with these predictaments. It's beautiful, to me, to have stories like these, real life stories, that reflect a human's struggle in this world to not only survive, but to emcompass enough love not to let their near dear suffer along with them. I truly was touched by this arcticle...
Andrea , Norwood
This is a heartwrenching story that brings to light the inadequacies of the current mental health and social service systems. It cannot be argued that the programs are chronically underfunded, but what money is spent is spent to "patch" problems and not address the root of the problem. From reading the series, there seems to be no question that Barbara loves her children but suffers from a debilitating depression that prevents her from taking adequate care of herself, let alone her children. Perhaps if her depression was addressed appropriately when the DSS began their intervention, the children would have a healthy functioning mother.
W. Zunitch
First of all the story is very well written and easy to comprehend. I tip my hat to Ms. Wen and Ms. Kreiter. Secondly, as the parent of two sons, I can't imagine that Barbara couldn't get her act together and keep her children. It seems to me she could have worked three jobs to make ends meet. I've done it. The boys were school age and not infants which was an edge for her. Also, her biggest problem was her personal hygiene, it seems. Surely, there must have been a way to address that issue. Although I'm happy for the boys and their future looks sunny, I can't fathom that a mother would give up her sons, without making every effort imaginable to her.
Mary, Cambridge
What bothers me about this is the DSS and the Courts have become the middle agencies for the middle class who are looking for children to adopt. All the moneys that had been spent on this case could have been used to house these children properly with their bilogical mother and for family rehabilitation.. I cannot condone, except for seriously endangerd children, this long drawn out process that has only fueled an already out of control hurt and anger. This family has been divorced and seperated and has cost the taxpayer an nth amount of dollars in the process. Are we so heartless that this be only solution in reducing the workloads of DSS and Court cases and thereby seriously thinking that these children will find true happiness, or will they at some juncture of their lives see how the DSS had failed them and their heart broken mother. There are many lesser evils and would it be so evil for the state to spend money on keeping families together rather than look for middle class handouts. What about the children who will ever be scarred by the carelessness of the DSS and the Courts...Ms. Paul and many like her have given up because of the myriad of other options unavailable to them. This state would do better to service the families in need first before carting the children off to expensive foster homes . Taxpayers are being cheated out of the very purpose behind the DSS and that is to serve families in need, not childlless couples...
claudia , mandeville, louisiana(formely of Marblehead Mass)
I thought this article was very well written and I commend Ms. Wen for resisting the urge (for the most part) to blame all Ms. Paul's troubles on society. While the story is heartwrenching, I think in the end the system worked properly. Ms. Paul was given more than enough assistance and opportunity to help herself, but showed a remarkable lack of interest in improving her situation. The article was a bit slanted against DSS, though. It reades as if a 22 year old was entirely responsible for the decision to remove the boys from their mother's custody, but that is simply not the case. I commend all those idealistic young people trying their best to improve the lives of children in this state. To those who mock their youth and lack of experience, I urge you to put your money where your mouth is and leave your jobs to walk a mile in their shoes. My prayers are with all those involved in this story. I would love to read a follow up article in a few years when both boys have graduated high school to see how their lives progress.
Karl , Arlington
Kim --- you miss the point in many ways. The adoptive parents aren't going to just provide materialistic things, as you say. Adoptive parents will provide many other things, such as stability, cleanliness, health, support, caring, nurturing, and many other "non materialistic" things, such as love. Barbara could only provide "love", but obviously the "love" wasn't strong enough for her to concentrate on keeping her house clean, and keeping a steady job.
LK, Hyde Park
I think that Patricia Wen did a terrific job with this article. I think the most important thing that all of us should remember when reading this is not to judge...I feel for the biological mother and her obvious handicaps in providing for her boys whether they be self inposed handicaps or not. I did get an overwhelming feeling that she really loved her kids...hence why she was able to sign those papers. I feel for the adoptive parents who had to endure so many stops and starts with the process but ultimately whose perserverance paid off and they are now raising , loving and providing for those children as their own. I also feel for the state social workers....as a group they are over worked and underpaid. They also are being chastised by many for failing these boys when indeed they perhaps saved these boys...albet it was a long road but ultimately they have found a safe, stable, loving home for the 2 boys...their futures have many more possibilities than they had previously. Finally...the boys...sound as if, despite all they have been through, are and will continue to be fine young men. Congratulations on a great article that has enlightened, educated, and touched this reader!!
LA, Watertown
While I feel some measure of sympathy for Barbara, the loss of her children was of her own doing. Being poor does not mean you should live like animals. Keeping a clean house is not a difficult thing to do. There is no excuse for having garbage on the floor or dishes in the sink so disgusting that mold is growing on them. How hard is it to ask your children to brush their teeth or bathe? Loving your children means you do whatever it takes to keep them safe, clean, happy, and to the best of your ability, well taken care of. It doesn't mean you let them live in squalor and then complain when they are removed from your care. While I don't agree with DSS placing the family's survival in the hands of a 22 year old, I applaud the outcome. DSS had a responsibility to those children first. They could have done A LOT more to help Barbara. They gave her little to no help in coping with her life, but made some pretty strong demands for change. I wish Anne and Jim all the best. They are the heros of this story. They took these boys in and are doing their best to raise them the way they deserve to be raised. They let Barbara keep in contact with her children. They expect good things from those boys. The boys will learn, in time, what a real family is like. Good luck, boys.
Michele, Dover
Kim... you said "you gave them your all, your genuine motherly love and they knew that. It was evident by their reaction of being removed from your care" However, as someone who is familiar with the whole DSS process, are you aware the even children who are severely abuse and/or sexually molested by their parents or family members still have this same reaction of being removed from their homes?????? Kim -- you need to do some more research before forming your opinions... which are obviously biased. Did DSS do you wrong in your eyes at some point? It sounds like it.
Kip, Worcester, MA
sometimes just loving your children isn't enough. my heart breaks for Barbara, who was failed by the system on just about every level. However, I applaud her courage in giving up what she loved most so they could have opportunities and a life that she could not give them. I also applaud Anne and Jim, not only for the adoption, but by having hearts big enough to "share" the boys with their birth mother. I wish them all well.
linda, boston, ma
