Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story
In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.
Read the series
Page 4
I think it is a shame that the Department of Social Services could not do more for this woman earlier than they did - maybe things could have been different for this family.
Michelle, Malden
Very touching. My eyes teared up as I read it. A great series. Kudos.
Shawn, southboro
The author of this article did two things I take issue with: In bowing to present day convention and writing a politically correct piece, she completely missed the myriad opportunities for humor, irony, and social commentary. Also, she negelected to even make note of how much money has been spent on the miserable failure that is Barabara's life. The cost of the multiple social workers, police, therapists, money for housing, disability, food stamps, etc. represents easily a hundred thousand dollars that has been poured into this experiment, and to what end? An end that was utterly forseeable at the beginning of this travesty. Our money, well, your money, actually, would have been far better spent simply hiring a maid service to clean Barbara's house twice a week, for the state to define what foods could be purchased with Barabara's food stamps (healthy, nutritious food as opposed to whatever garbage she apparently gorges herself on) a social worker to visit the children every few months and make doctor/ dentist appointments whenever necessary, and to enable Barbara taking the appropriate medication for her depression and going through therapy of some sort, stop kicking her out of her houses, but force her to stay in her house, with her children. A kind of private halfway house if you will. That would doubtless cost considerably less money, leave Barabara's family intact, and make certain that a member of society actually receives the care society has paid for.
Nick T., Westchester, NY
I enjoyed reading the series on Barbara Paul. I feel for her, to give up the parental rights of your children must be a very, very difficult and excruciating decision. It appears the Social Services Dept. did it's job well. Barbara was an unfit mother (not an unloving mother) and I believe she knew the boys would be better off in a stable home. Barbara was given ample time and opportunity to get her life together, yet failed time and time again. I like to think Barbara did this in the best interest of her boys, not what was best for herself.
Dan, Grafton
The state and federal agencies should be developing programs to help people like Barbara Paul who come from a home envrionment that has no structure. Barbara was not brought up with the basics of good hygiene, set meals, or any real kind of discipline. The state was aware of her home situation but did not take any kind of acton. Thus, when she had children herself, she was at a loss. No one gave her any real attention, parenting classes. etc. Even when she was raped and the guy was caught, no counseling was offered or suggested. Barbara Paul was and is a victim of our "system". Not knowing that you should or how to ask for help is not a crime. If the state had stepped in when they looked at her own upbringing, Barbara would not have been in the situation to eventually lose her children. Yes, they are in a better situation now. But all of this could have been avoided if she had gotton some guidance, help when she was growing up or even in high school. You can't demand someone fit into your idea of a parent when they grew up with no parent fiqure per se. Our state and federal agencies must address these issues so that adults that have parenting issues can get the help they need. Barbara Paul is not a bad parent, just someone who was not parented herself.
Rhoda , Malden, MA
Thank you so much for this heart-wrenching story of Barbara and her children. Many of us do not know about the struggles of women like Barbara, and this series really helped me to empathize and understand the choices that she needed to make. The thing that was clear throughout the series was that Barbara always loved her children, and tried to put them first in her decisions. This series brought me to tears, for all parties involved...Barbara, her boys, and the adoptive parents.
Cyndi, Natick
i was very moved by the series. i grew up in a home very similar to what the 2 boys did - my mother was chronically mentally ill and depressed, the house was always a mess and my father was an alcoholic. we were dirt poor even though my father always worked. when i was very small (before 6) there was at least 2 opportunities when i could have been adopted by healthy, middle class couples which would have provided me with a decent start in life. instead my parents fought the proposed adoptions and were able to get me back. although i was able to start working when i was 17, get a college degree on my own and have been independent and functioning it is no thanks to either my parents or the system that i felt failed me. i have had nothing but problems all my life and they stem directly from the atmosphere i grew up in. it has been extremely difficult to overcome (and not to be immodest i have a very high IQ which is probably why i have survived as well as i have), and i have been behind financially and socially my entire life. it is an incredibly difficult thing to overcome. while i feel for barbara paul, this woman should never have had children and should never have been allowed to raise them. i don't doubt that she is a decent woman and loves her kids and vice versa. but love is not enough. children need stability and opportunity and hope as well. barbara's children will always love her and i'm sure that they will help her out once they get older and become independent. but right now her sacrifice will enable them to lead decent lives and have opportunities and experiences they never would have had otherwise. and yes - the state did fail barbara paul miserably, but it just goes to show, the state can't do everything and sometimes the best thing is to put the children in another environment. i wish that had been done for me.
jm, boston
It seems pretty straightforward and simple to me... The priority was the boys, both for the DSS, and ultimately for Barbara. She knew in her heart that this was the right decision. It was clear that she was unable to provide the healthy, nurturing and stable environment that children thrive on. Her love for her boys is apparent and genuine. She made the supreme sacrafice by allowing her boys the opportunity for a better life. She is not to be condemned, but applauded for facing the reality of her situation and making the right choice. The DSS did not steal her children... It seems pretty clear that they (and Anne & Jim) saved them.
DB, Waltham
This was indeed a bittersweet story. And one of hope. The boys, raised by an obviously loving mother, who just was incapable of providing for them, are now with loving parents, who can. In the middle are social service agents, who care more than their actions sometimes say, and who try to balance the welfare of children between love of parent and basic needs being met. In a strange way, the boys are the fortunate ones. Bad teeth can be fixed. Their emotional issues will hopefully be dealt with. Barbara made a supreme sacrifice. She gave her children their best shot. Her gratitude toward Jim at the end of the visitation was compelling - there were tears in my eyes at the end of this story. May all involved be blessed from now on.
Carol, Arlington
Barbara Paul should not have had to relinquish her parental rights. She is clearly the mother of those boys and always will be. I predict that as soon as they grow up and are on their own, the boys will return to her voluntarily.
Anonymous, Columbia, MD
