Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story

In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.

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I think you did an outstanding job profiling this poor woman and her struggles through her life. Barbara Paul seems like such a good-hearted woman and I can't help but feel horrible for the choices she has had to make. It is obvious that given the right circumstances, she would have made a fantastic mother and I applaud her for giving her sons the manners and the ability to love that they seem to have. The story also has an underlying message of how screwed up the state's DSS system can be. Long delays, red tape, cancelled meetings and phone calls to be never returned are no way to run an agency that's purpose is to help children.

Jodi, Boston

What a sad story. I feel sorry for Barbara because it's obvious that she cares for children. She had a sad childhood to begin with and an awful tragedy happen to her when she was older. But, unfortunately, that doesn't excuse filthy and unhealthy living conditions for your children. I can't imagine having the life that she's lived to far, so who am I to judge. But, I do believe if you love your kids enough, you would want them to have a "better" life than you had. Even if you had to work 4 jobs to give it to them. And, I notice a lot of people are putting down the 22 yr. old who got assigned to Barbara's case. I think she did a great job. I hope that any person, no matter what age, who works for the State can decipher whether children are being neglected. And that's what she saw. She saw their living conditions and knew right away. Thank god she stuck to her guns and followed through. If Barbara thought she was a 22 yr. old who knew nothing about parenting, she should have straightened herself out to show this "girl" how to be a responsible mother. Instead, she decided not to. And, as far as Anne and Jim, they are angels. I'm so happy they were deteremined and stuck it out to the end. Joe and Art seem like lovable, and truly unique children and I hope they have a wonderful life together with their new family. I wish them the best of luck!

Janet , South Boston

Joseph Scott, South Boston, thank you for stating the truth. The state did make the correct choices considering how lazy and unreliable their mother was. I bet she hasn't changed.

Debra, Bedford

As a former DSS social worker, investigator and special investigator, I think this article did a better than average job communicating the complexities and the tough decisions that are made in these situations. It was appropriate to concentrate mostly on the families, though I wish there was a little more about the social worker's feelings about the removal and adoption. I remember the first time I removed children from their parents. It was a very difficult experience and I was determined to try and help the mother correct her parenting deficiencies. Ultimately, it was unsuccessful and the children were adopted. The article does a nice job of showing that often, the parental failure is not really anyone's "fault." Here, the mother was born with some minor cognitive deficiencies that were exascerbated by the rape. I recall a case I had where the mother was very violent to the children and abused them terribly. Your immediate reaction is "monster!" But the reason the mother was like that was because at age 5 she was struck by a police car in her drive way and suffered serious brain injury. She had been developing normally prior to the accident. DSS often finds itself called into tragic situations in which the die has already been cast and it is frequently without substantial fault. Often parents who are drug addicts grew up in horrible circumstances. There is clearly, at some point, a choice that they need to make about taking responsibility for their actions and their children, but it is important to always keep in mind the circumstances that brought them to this place. Best of luck Joe and Art!

Michael, West Hartford, CT

Although I certainly feel that Barbara did not have a great start in life, I feel worse for her children. They did not have the advantages and stability they needed withing the family unit. Basic needs were not met for them, despite the fact that their mother loves them. It's easy to blame neglect and/or abuse on the parent's upbringing, but many people overcome such obstacles to become excellent parents.

Sandy , Plymouth, MA

Very touching story, but unfortunately very true & very sad. I am currently in the process of adopting 3 little boys who have been in the care of DSS since 1997 and the oldest is 8. Reunification has been tried many times over these past 6 years and failed miserably each tim. Currently the parents have not had their rights revoked and this is only the beginning. The neglect these boys have suffered is very apparent and is something we are dealing with every day. The things, we all take for granted, love, clean clothing, food, trust and on and on, are things these boyse have not had. My partner & I are continually working on the positive aspects of life with these boys. They know too much about the negative things for someone so young, ie. drugs, alcohol, phyical abuse, sexual abuse and neglect. While DSS does deserves credit for what they are doing. Unfortunately, the Social Workers and their staffs are underpaid, overworked and understaffed.. They handle the responsibilities of multiple cases - probably the case load of 2. It is unfortunate, but a fact. With Spending cuts, I suspect it will only get worse. I can only commend the work they do, but also understand that their business probably has a high turner-over rate - too high. Unfortunately, at the same time, there are the horror stories of working with a state agency and DSS is not excluded. While the debate continues, the children are the ones who suffer. These children do love their birth parents very much. But now are beginning to love & trust new people and it is a very hard, slow and long process. The emotional toll is very high, for everyone. My hope is that DSS, the birth parents and us (pre-adoptive Parents) can move through this process quickly and understand that the lives of 3 little boys will be better. I have the faith, we are doing the right thing by trying to adopt these boys and will ride this rollercoaster.

Anonymous, Worcester County, MA

Janet , South Boston

Although I feel for all the parties involved, I don't feel too much pity for Barbara. I, too, was raised in a house that wasn't clean, by two alcoholic parents. However, I got myself out of that by studying hard, practicing good hygience, and developing a strong work ethic. Now, I am fairly well off, and live in a clean house, and am raising a beautiful child. END THE CYCLE, Barbara.... Do something about it now! Get a job, clean up your house, and maybe you can try again with new children. Question is... will you ever be fit? What was Barbara's excuse before the rape? I'm sorry she had this traumatic experience, but it sounds like she wasn't together before all that. So sad for the boys. The adoptive parents are the heroes in my eyes.

Kikki, Methuen, MA

I was moved by Barbara's story. It's too bad something couldn't have been done for her family while she was a child. Her upbringing was far from normal - poverty, mental illness and isolation - really set the stage for her life as an adult. I give her much credit for having her tubes tied after her second child was born. Obviously she realized how hard it would be if she continued to have children. I sympathize with Barbara and give her credit for making the tough decision to relinquish her parental rights. However, I feel that rather than taking responsibilty for her situation, and using the services offered by DSS as a means to help her improve her life for herself and for her children, she chose to view DSS as an adversary and to play the role of victim. I wish her luck.

Cynthia, Rindge, NH

This is a very sad story, with the potential for a happy ending. Of course the boys should still see their mother, and try to have a relationship with her. But first and foremost they need to be in a healthy environment. Many people seem to think it would have been a good idea to hire a maid service for Barbara. I do NOT want my tax dollars spent on maid service for someone who is perfectly capable of cleaning their own house! Also, there were a lot of comments about how she should have gotten "more help." I think that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink. When there are children involved, you can try to give opportunities to keep a family together. But if the people involved don't want to make even the most basic effort for the children (i.e. tell them to brush their teeth, take out the garbage), what makes anyone think giving more help is going to motivate a person. The best interests of the children have to be given priority. Just because you have children, doesn't mean you are entitled to "keep" them, like some sort of possession you got at the local department store. If you cannot provide a proper home for your children, then society must step in.. Even it isn't entirely your fault because of mental health issues, trauma, etc, it certainly isn't the children's fault. Children should not be made to pay the price of their parents' shortcomings, especailly if the price is neglect and instability. Barbara was given many opportunites to try and make a better life for her children and herself - and chose another path. But eventually she did make the best decision for her children - to give them a safe and healthy environment, even it was not with her.

CR, Salem, MA

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