Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story
In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.
Read the series
Page 7
Barbara Paul did a very difficult and smart thing in giving up her parental rights to her two boys. I applaud Anne and Jim for taking on a difficult situation. I would ask Anne and Jim to tread very carefully going forward. Anne and Jim need to realize that the boys are older and do know what is going on. Anne and Jim only have three years with the fifteen year old, Joe at which time he can chose to leave or stay. The closer they work with the birth mother the better off it will be for everyone. Please find it in your hearts to strengthen not only your relationships with the children, but also Barbara. Include Barbara as often as is possible. This might help to bring everyone closer and more secure. When Joe turns eighteen he will be an adult with a lot of choices. He could make a wrong choice if driven away from Barabara. I wish all the best of luck in what is a difficult situation.
DAVID , NORWOOD
I have read all of the responses to this story. Shame shame on the people that put the DSS system at fault , and the people that are worried about there tax dollars. This article brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to Barbara, no matter how much help she has been offer, and recieved from the "system" if you will, the demonds in her head will always win ! Mental health is one of saddest illnesses. However I do comment Barbara for not turning to drugs or alcohol. I hope her visiting with the boys makes things better and not worse, and she is able to increase her visits , and able to see them on birthdays and Christmas . It certainly sounds like Ann and Jim are willing to go the extra mile to make sure the boys are able to see there mother. I hope in the future Barbara gets her feet on the ground and is able to build a workable realationship with them. I am sure the boys will be o.k. kids are truly troopers when it comes to hard times. I hope they are able to unload any anger or recentment they may have, that is probably the most important thing for them to thrive. Ann and Jim , you are brave, loving and patient people ! Keep those lines of communication open. Oh and just one more thing, as the mother of teenages , tough job.
kelly, Lexington
It is a tragic story, so let us assign some blame. How about the judge who relaeased Barbara;s rapist after serving a little over 1 year in jail! How about the father or fathers of her children? Where are these moochers?
Homer, Hudson
My heart goes out to the boys, their mom and the adoptive parents. At one point I was down the DSS for not doing more for the mom, but there are so many cases! The mom is lucky to have two great sons who adore her and know who their mother is...but they both have a new mom who will loves just as much. May all of them be blessed forever.
Biatris, Coppell, TX
Your story was touching. I have no children and have often thought of adopting. After reading your story, I now don't think I could.
Paul, Lowell
Wonderful-wnderful article-I had tears in my eyes at the end-I feel every one in the story should be applauded-as they all had many obstacles to overcome-I do believe that the end result was the best choice for all concerned. It would be great to read a follow-up story on how everyone was doing in a year or so. Wishing all the best.
Bea , Medford, MA
Those who are scornful of Babara Paul due to her "gorging" on junk food and keeping a home that is unsanitary fail to consider the real cause of most of her ills -- a debilitating depression not treated for most of her life. Her boys are too old to forget her, they will never stop thinking about her as the only real mother they have ever had. The adoptive parents seems like wonderful people, true humanitarians, who will provide a good home and love to these two boys. I give them much praise. DSS did the right thing for the boys in the end, but failed Barbara miserably. To present her with a multitude of goals that she could not have possibly completed in the amount of time provided showed me they had no real intention of doing anything other than taking the boys from Barbara. The goals were written up as more bureaucratic paper to solidify their case already set -- Barbara is dirty and nearly illiterate therefore she is bad. The adoptive parents have a nice home and are educated -- therefore they are good. There was some bias there in my opinion. I do not think most people responding here understand what depression can do to a single parent, which is to make the simplest tasks out of reach. The proper medication and more productive visits would have been a better route to take in my opinion, and that would have possibly allowed this family to stay together. I wish the boys luck in their last chance for a future, and I would ask them to always hold Barbara in their hearts without bitterness. Her best was not good enough for them and she gave them a chance. Good luck to all concerned.
Rose, Boston
This is a very sad story. Not only has a mother lost her children but children who have lost their mother. Barbara has given her children the most painful gift of love and truly she is amazing for seeing what she was not capable of, verses being selfish. I also think that Jim and Anna are amzing people, adoption is not always the easiest route and they stuck to their guns, as to not dispoint the children again. Finally DSS and other goverment agencies need to be looked at. Other options should of been given to Barbara, we give them to the jailmates, why not parents...
unknown, easton
I think the title of this series -- "Barbara's Story" -- says it all. It was not an exploration of the difficulties that the DSS has in caring for our at risk families or the difficulties these boys experienced because of Barbara's poor parenting skills. This was Barabara's story. Ms. Wen, obviously a gifted writer, used fiction-writing techniques to try to get us to see this experience through Barbara's eyes.This made the series biased. Frankly, I could have used a bit less of this kind of melodramatic phrasing:
"These women brace themselves for the knock on the door from the state's child-welfare agency - a knock that, now more than ever, signals the start of a race against time, a race they will often lose."Also, I found some of the fictional techniques a bit hard to swallow. For instance, in the second story, she writes:
He remembers her saying, ``You'll be here until your mother shapes up.''Really? Did a 15 year old boy who had been raised in that environment, who had never heard the term "shapes up" have use those words? Was a kid raised in that environment somehow emotionally astute enough to note the various connotations of that phrasing. Or is that Ms. Wen?
Shapes up. Joe had never heard the phrase before. It seemed so blunt, and intimidating, and hopeless.
David, Norfolk, MA
So many of you keep focusing on the fact that the social worker was only 22-years old. Have you all missed the part about the fact that is degreed and that she “leaned heavily on advice from the agency’s senior staff members”? Keep in mind that Barbara had been involved with DSS since 1993. She had numerous chances to get her act together, but she failed every time. Barbara wants to blame everyone but herself. If she truly loved those kids she would have tried harder. DSS did the right thing. I wish Joe, Art and their new loving parents the best.
Diane, Quincy
