Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story
In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.
Read the series
Page 8
I applaud the new parents!!! They are in a tough situation by choice and respect the relationship between these boys and their birth mother. DSS is an understaffed Agency, everyone knows that. The Birth mother and absentee father are the people who let these children down. Hopefully she will stay on the right track!
Katie, Newton
I'll agree that this article was well written, but it certainly was not well balanced. You could almost sense Ms. Wen's hostility towards DSS.. She made an extraordinary attempt to understand Barbara's perspective, but made little effort to understand DSS's. A great followup article would be for Ms. Wen to spend a few months with several DSS employees to fully understand the issues and complexities they face. To show that DSS should be more efficient is easy; to better understand how that could be accomplished with limited funds is difficult. How could you not be offended by this article if you are a DSS employee? I've had some exposure to these folks, and on the whole, they are very dedicated, well meaning persons.
Al, Bedford
I applaud the State for its actions. I think it's a shame the children were not removed to foster/adoptive parents sooner. The State was involved in this woman's life for a long time - spending, almost wasting its resources on a case that had little hope of ever turning around. Barbara's lack of personal and/or parenting skills is often blamed on her unstable and unfortunate childhood. If she was allowed to keep her children in that environment, they would've simply fallen in to the rut that has spanned at least the 2 generations of her family that we know of - living in deplorable conditions, never keeping a job, and considering Welfare, Disability, and Food Stamps a way of life. It is doubtful that they would ever have gone forward to become productive, contributing members of society. This story should serve as a lesson to the masses of people in similar situations all around. Children should not be deprived of the basic necessities - shelter, cleanliness, safety, health, nutrition, and education. If you are not in a position to provide these things to your children - you shouldn't be having children. Regardless of financial situation, trash and clothing do not have to be left on the floor, dishes can be washed, the house can be cleaned, and basic personal hygiene can be practiced. As for employment, there are TONS of jobs out there - jobs for which you don't need a college degree or that don't require any technical skills. The problem is that people are unwilling to take these jobs. People don't want to empty trashcans, clean bathrooms, cut lawns, stock shelves, or work cash registers. These are all jobs that Barbara could've tried. She could have tried anything and everything to help herself, but more importantly her children. Jim and Anne are an extremely generous couple, doing what many would never even consider. I hope these 2 boys go on to lead productive, happy, and healthy lives.
anonymous, Stamford CT
The biggest tragedy in this case is that the children weren't removed from their mother's custody years before. A mother who can't even be bothered to make sure her children have clean clothes and teeth and food to eat (while she herself is grossly obese) shouldn't be allowed to have her children. I work in a government agency that deals with people like her every day. You know from the moment that a baby is born that that child has no chance at all in life. Our liberal welfare rules encourage these people to have children who then grow up to be just like their parents. Then social services dollars are thrown at these people. The money would be better spent on improving the foster care and adoption system.
GT, VT
Such a sad story-makes me feel so grateful for my own happy childhood.How can Nancy from Scituate call Barbara a"lazy disgusting beast"? Have you walked in her shoes? How about some compassion for an obviously troubled woman?
Teresa, Boston
Now here's a really scary thought...Barbara's only 38...she's got herself a new boyfriend...she's proven to everyone that she has really bad judgement...why not have another baby?
Sara, Boston
Kim, I must also point out that you are missing the point and looking at this the wrong way. Neglect can be just as bad as someone with an alcohol or drug problem. If someone needs assistance with providing a clean, healthy environment for their two young children, my guess is, that person has a problem and needs help beyond DSS. The same level of help that a drug or alcohol addicted person may need. There is no doubt in my mind that Babara loves her two children, but the fact that she loves her two children and still lost them is indicative of all the problems she faces. This is about the children and ONLY about the children. It's not a question of whether she loved her children, the services or lack of provided by DSS, or any personal feelings you may have towards this situation.
Amos, Boston
I loved reading this series. Excellent work, Boston Globe, in bringing us such an important subject. Like everyone else, I applaud Anne and Jim for opening their home and hearts to the boys; but, I wonder: why $1,000.00 on Christmas gifts? Is it just me, or does anyone else think that was just a wee tad excessive?! As for Barbara, I am glad that she had the wisdom to put her children up for adoption. She obviously realized that she just couldn't make it as a parent. But I don't agree with those who think that "society" had failed her. "Society" is not supposed to teach you how to brush your teeth or clean up your house; these are activities that you learn as you grow. It's part of being a responsible adult. Barbara had grown up in a home where her father had set restrictions and enforced rules; she decided that she was going to run her own home differently. That was HER decision - not society's. Barbara failed Barbara.
Sonja, Boston
I found this story so compelling and heart wrenching. I am the mother of three children myself and I was fortunate enough to have a husband who always worked hard and loved his children and supported all of us through good times and bad. I, too, have battled depression for many years but thanks to the support of my family and counselling and medication, I have been able to stay functional and work through the bad times. My heart goes out to Barbara and her sons and my admiration for her as a self-less mother who put the welfare of her sons before her own emotions is beyond comprehension. Unfortunately, I believe we are going to start seeing more of this situation due to the rise of divorces, broken families with no male figures present, rise in the cost of living. We need to address these issues and stop burying our heads in the sand hoping it will go away. Homelessness, poverty and the breakup of society as we know it will continue to occur as long as no safeguards exist to stop them. Our politicans need to stop worrying about votes and really start to work together to prevent situations such as this and we as human beings need to reach out to those who are suffering and volunteer to help them to the best of our capabilities. We all hope we never have to face a situation such as Barbara has faced but life can sometimes take cruel turns that are unexpected. I wish Barbara and her sons better times ahead.
Deborah , Manchester, NH
I would like Barbara to know that she has shown what a wonderful mother she is by doing what is the best thing for her sons, even if it might not be the best thing for her. As the mother of four daughters, I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult her choices must have been for her. But I would like her to know that I respect her and I admire her. May God bless Barbara, her sons, and all those who love them.
Sue , Worcester, MA
