Message board: Share your thoughts on the Globe series Barbara's Story
In Barbara's Story, Globe reporter Patricia Wen and photographer Suzanne Kreiter told the story of Barbara Paul, a Boston-area woman forced to relinquish parental rights to her two sons after the state Department of Social Services determined she was an unfit mother. Share your reactions to the series and your thoughts on Paul's situation.
Read the series
Page 9
Barbara Paul was in some ways the very worst kind of parent and the very best kind of parent. Neglectful and immature, she should never have had children in the first place. Yet, she loved her boys, and in the end made the ultimate sacrifice a parent can make. Her decision to surrender her "parental rights" was correct, and made out of love. The boys will know that they were loved, and have the type of home life they deserve. What a nice ending to a very sad story.
Jim, Salem
I found this series compelling as well as engaging. I find hope that Barbara raised 2 wonderful children despite the deplorable living conditions. There are parents in all socioeconomic levels who haven't done as much. In regards to the 22 year-old social worker, I'm troubled that she was given the power to remove these children from their mother. Someone in this post mentioned that she was an educated professional with a bachelor's degree.. How is it that to counsel drug-addicts, social workers are required to have a Master's in Social work and internship experience? (I have friends who perfom this work) Shouldn't as much be expected from those overseeing these families? Perhaps DSS should have required that she work more closely with a superior, not just seek advice. Ultimately, I believe the right decision was made by all.
CN, Nashua
fieldwrap@boston.com 08/26/2003 06:13 PM I just got to read one of the segments but I think the story fails to paint an accurate picture. We've been caring for a young child first removed at 2.5 months old for neglect (again - nothing so horrifying he would never be reunited). He is now over three years old and still in the "system". His birth mom loves him and wants to raise him but she has trouble making monthly one hour visits. So yes, we are more financially stable, suburbian parents (of other biological children) - your story made me feel like we were trying to "steal" a child. You should know that we are just one family of many, many families that put up with late birthparents for visits, late social workers, substandard insurance for these kids. We invest 200% of our hearts and souls (and driving time) to these kids. We attended court to ensure our foster child's side was heard (which involved over 6 trips to a court house and more than 18 months of delays, and continuations). As foster parents we fight for children to get early intervention, movement classes because they are so tense and we teach children how to sing their ABC's. I respect that birth parents have rights and to move too quickly would jepordize fundemental rights of all involved but how many chances and how long until the child has stability is just as important. The system that I interact with at DSS is so skewed to the parents rights that children are literally lost - or reunited sometimes and killed (Lawrence - just this spring). I hope that your future stories focus on why the courts take so long to do their job. If Barbara didn't sign she would have had a cusion of at least 2 years before the courts did anything.
Kath K., Stow, MA
Patricia Wen, I thought the story was very informative.I felt happy and sad at the situation the boys had to go thru. I knew a woman who's daughter was in limbo with the state for years finally a family member got invoved and took the child to another state. The Department of Social Services is not a system to be proud of. The State should realy make some major changes in how it deals with the lives of our future generation. The adults in this story could deal with disapointment and time lags better than the children who have already endured so much pain. I have no faith in the system. The story made me rethink my future plans to be a foster parent. There has to be changes in the way "the family" and services work together. I realize alot of parents are unfit. Give them the 3 strikes your out deal within a one year time line. Its too bad a third party watch group couldnt do the same to the system when it fails the people trying so hard to help the children. Alot of people have good intentions and get frustrated at the systems failure.
Melanie , Medford, MA.
As I read this story, I looked around my house, wondering what a DSS agent -- perhaps called in by a neighbor angry that I parked in "his" space (this actually happened to my brother-in-law) -- would see if (s)he came in at this very moment. Would they see a two-income family, homeowners and degree-holders, who see their son for all of four waking hours a day and therefore let cleaning and shopping fall behind -- a lot -- sometimes in order to take advantage of that time? Or would (s)he see "the floor littered with trash, the kitchen full of dirty dishes" perhaps an empty fridge (from part 1 of the article), and conclude that we're unfit parents, dreadfully neglecting our son? Well, you say, for Barbara the situation was constant. But "constant" depends on sampling frequency. I am frightened by the thought that someone from DSS could show up at our house, pass judgement on my decisions about how we spend our time, and slap us with a bunch of hokey requirements that interfere with our ability to work and parent, under threat of taking our child away from us. We might end up neglecting our child emotionally in the name of a spotless kitchen floor. But of course it wouldn't happen to us. We have money to pay for lawyers to fight DSS. Barbara lost her children because she didn't. She didn't even have money for the laundromat. Depression and the failure of the justice system (just over a year served for a rape?) and the failure of the welfare system (you have no skills, are retarded and clinically depressed and morbidly obese and responsible for two children in a society with virtually no subsidized childcare: now go find a job) ensured that. But even with all that, the article doesn't mention at all that the children were malnourished -- tooth decay was the only problem noted -- and they apparently were psychologically well-adjusted, not involved in gangs or drugs or other antisocial behavior, and managed to be "average students." Pretty good parenting, I'd say, compared with what some middle class suburban couples I know provide to their kids along with their Gap clothes. If the Commonwealth had spent my tax money on proper services for Barbara, maybe it wouldn't have had to split a family.
Jennifer, Brighton
