Suicide note describes Pa. killer's anguish

NICKEL MINES, Pa. -- The local milk truck driver who tied up and shot 10 Amish girls in a rural one-room schoolhouse on Monday, killing five, wrote in a suicide note of recurring dreams about two family members he allegedly molested 20 years ago, and spoke of the anguish of losing his own newborn daughter in 1997, authorities said.

Authorities portrayed the gunman, Charles Carl Roberts IV, as a deeply troubled man who apparently showed no signs of anguish to his wife or three children. Police said evidence suggested he had planned the attack well in advance, brought in supplies for a long siege, and may have planned to molest the girls.

Meanwhile, the Amish, a cloistered, deeply religious farming community in this rural swath of southern Pennsylvania, struggled to comprehend the stunning violence that invaded their pacifist, tradition-bound lives. As the news spread among them, by horse-drawn buggy or word of mouth, those who know the Amish said they would seek comfort in centuries-old rituals, their families, and their Christian faith.

``The Amish have always felt the modern world is barreling in," said David L. Weaver-Zercher , a Messiah College religion professor who has studied the Amish. ``They have largely seen the world as a spiritually dangerous place, and in this horror they see the world can be a physically dangerous place."

At a news conference yesterday, the Pennsylvania State Police commissioner, Colonel Jeffrey B. Miller, said that Roberts' suicide note and evidence he left at the scene and at home indicated he planned the assault on Sept. 26. Roberts had a checklist of items -- batteries, a stun gun, chains, tape, toilet paper, a flashlight, more than 100 rounds of ammunition, binoculars, and lubrication gel -- indicating he was preparing to molest the 10 girls, police said.

The assault was ``organized, preplanned, and had forethought," Miller said at the news conference, which included local clergy and Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell. Roberts, Miller said, intended ``to victimize these children many ways prior to killing them and killing himself."

One girl fled before the shooting started, but authorities said yesterday they did not know if she escaped or if Roberts let her go. Holding up copies of the suicide note Roberts left his wife, Marie, and their three children, Miller added: ``He did not intend to come out alive."

On Monday, Roberts burst into the schoolhouse, dismissing the boys and adults, and lined up the girls, ages 6 to 13, along the blackboard. Roberts barricaded the doors and bound the girls, then opened fire with a handgun as police closed in, shooting the girls before killing himself.

The slain victims were identified as Naomi Rose Ebersole , 7; Anna May Stoltzfus , 12; Marion Fisher, 13; Mary Liz Miller, 8; and her sister, Lina Miller, 7. Three other girls were receiving medical treatment at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia and the two others were taken to Penn State Medical Center in Hershey.

Miller said four of the wounded girls were shot in the head, while one was shot in the back and the shoulder. Roberts apparently shot all of them at close range.

Authorities are still ``trying to develop some insight into what drove him" to violence, according to State Police Captain John W. Laufer , the lead commander on the scene during the shooting. But a clearer, if incomplete, picture of Roberts's motives began to emerge yesterday.

Miller said Roberts's note repeatedly refer to Elise, his infant daughter.

Elise was born premature in November 1997, and survived for just 20 minutes before she died. ``He blamed God for allowing that to happen," Laufer said.

But in a cellphone conversation Roberts had with his wife from inside the schoolhouse, police said, Roberts mentioned for the first time that he molested two female relatives 20 years ago, but provided few details other than the relatives had been ``3 or 4." Roberts would have been 12 years old at the time.

``He was having dreams of molesting again," Miller said, citing both the phone conversation and the note Roberts left for his wife.

Authorities said that they could not corroborate Roberts's assertion , but that they had not finished interviewing relatives.

Because their community has such close ties, the impact of the shooting was devastating among the Amish.

Many of the schoolchildren were related; just 11 girls and 15 boys attended the school, from a total of 10 Amish families that live within walking distance.

The Amish who live in Lancaster County pride themselves on their faith, their work ethic, and their rejection of the modern world -- including electricity, television and automobiles. Their lives are largely devoted to worship, their families, and the land they farm.

Families gathered at the Ebersole homestead down Mine Road for a vigil, one of several held at small churches throughout the area yesterday.

Some of them likely read from the book ``Martyr's Mirror," a retelling of the 16th-century persecution of the Anabaptists, the Amish's European theological forebears, according to Weaver-Zercher , the Amish scholar and author of ``The Amish in the American Imagination."

``They have historical resources to draw on from their early heritage that recounts stories of men and women -- young men and women -- who were put to death," said Weaver-Zercher . ``They have worked hard over the last century to negotiate with modernity."

Indeed, the Amish were reluctant to speak to outsiders.

Eddie Lopez , a mason from Lancaster who works with the Amish here, reflected their mood.

``They said they were not motivated to go to work today," said Lopez, 19, as he paced in one of the 10 small family cemeteries that dot the area.

Still, Lopez and others familiar with them were confident that the Amish's strong ties can help them cope with the tragedy. ``They are a pretty unified people," he said.

Gibson C. Armstrong , who represents the 100th District in the Pennsylvania House of Representatives, met with some of the families who lost children yesterday morning. Standing outside the Middle Octorara Presbyterian Church, he said he recalled thinking that ``if there is any community that can recover from this, it's the Amish families."

Bryan Bender can be reached at bender@globe.com.