The two Democrats who would be president, Hillary Obama and Barack Clinton, are supposed to stomp through the area today. If either of them starts talking about how much they admire the Patriots, they should be arrested immediately on charges of insulting our intelligence.
At least we know that after tomorrow, with the primary out of the way, the political sideshow will go elsewhere and we can get back to the important issues of the day, such as wondering whether NESN will bring back that TV show in which a low-rent version of "The Dating Game" takes place at Fenway Park during Red Sox games.
If our esteemed Senate president, Therese Murray, has any sense of dignity, she will follow Barack Obama all over town today and call out anybody who deigns to support the candidacy of this young, inexperienced US senator.
In case you missed it, and you probably did, last week Madam President dogged her male political peers who had the temerity to back Obama over Hillary Clinton. In a speech to the Massachusetts Women's Political Caucus, Murray opined that not backing the first woman with a real chance to become president amounted to sexism. Or heresy. Or treason. Or something like that.
There were no references in the speech to those self-hating feminists, Caroline Kennedy and Samantha Power, the Harvard prof who would make a very good national security adviser, thank you. For some reason, Murray only singled out men as being craven in their support of Obama.
I shudder to think what Madam President will say when she finds out I skipped the Spice Girls concert the other night.
It's tempting to chalk up the lack of attention paid to Murray's chauvinism to that vast left-wing conspiracy in the Commie mainstream media. But if such a conspiracy existed, surely we would have been treated to daily heaping helpings of Mitt Romney's attempt to get down with his bad self in Florida.
In case you missed it, and you probably did, our former governor inserted himself into a group of African-American kids standing on a sidewalk in Jacksonville while he was taking part in a Martin Luther King Jr. Day parade. Clearly as comfortable on that sidewalk as he would be in, say, a coffee shop in Provo, Romney ingratiated himself to some in the crowd by complimenting the "bling bling" one of them was wearing.
Then, displaying a deep and nuanced appreciation of contemporary African-American culture, Mitty Cent barked out a line from the song "Who Let The Dogs Out," which was popular around the time George W. Bush was running for president. The first time.
Props, as Mitty might put it, to the aides who urged him to say goodbye to the black kids before he got a chance to hang his tongue out and yell "Whassup!" like those guys in the Budweiser ads that were popular, oh, around the same time that "Who Let The Dogs Out" was. I was kind of hoping Mitty would have hung around just long enough to shout out "Soul Train!" or "Tawana told the truth!"
You've got to give Romney credit for at least reaching out to what is not a natural constituency. But his talking about bling and chirping the chorus from an outdated song surely is goofy as, if not goofier than, Mike Dukakis riding in a tank 20 years ago. The Duke in the turret, wearing that ridiculous headgear, was played over and over on network TV, part of the vast left-wing conspiracy, until it became a signature moment in a failed candidacy. And yet Romney getting jiggy with it is consigned to the You Tube bin of history.
Go figure.
Well, welcome to Boston, one last time, all you pols and coat-holders and partisans and phonys. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. And whatever you do, don't mention the football game.
Kevin Cullen is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at cullen@globe.com.
