When the U.S. military gets in on the zombie fad, it’s officially over, right?
The Defense Department really does have a 2011 zombie invasion plan, according to documents revealed by Foreign Policy. Dubbed CONOP 8888, or “Counter-Zombie Dominance,’’ the plan lays out strategic and tactical plans for a regional, national, or worldwide response to a zombie invasion.
According to the Pentagon, this is just for training purposes. And not for training for actual zombies. Just regular training for regular disasters. NOT ZOMBIES.
From Foreign Policy:
Navy Capt. Pamela Kunze, a spokeswoman for Strategic Command, acknowledged the document exists on a "secure Internet site" but took pains to explain that the zombie survival guide is only a creative endeavor for training purposes. "The document is identified as a training tool used in an in-house training exercise where students learn about the basic concepts of military plans and order development through a fictional training scenario," she wrote in an email. "This document is not a U.S. Strategic Command plan."
The idea is to use crazy scenarios that would mirror a real-life emergency. In the unclassified plan’s introduction, instructors noted that using crazy scenarios had a couple of benefits. It would eliminate the potential for panic, should a training op about a real nation be leaked to the public. Instructors also found that using fanciful scenarios kept participants interested and could be used to train on real skills.
“Because the plan was so ridiculous, our students not only enjoyed the lessons; they actually were able to explore basic concepts of plan and order development (fact, assumptions, specified and implied tasks, references etc) very effectively,’’ wrote planners in the document.
But whatever, reasons are boring. Let’s get to the zombie attack! What will the government do? We’ve added the PDF to the bottom of this post, but there are a few highlights to consider.
What kind of zombies will attack us? The plan covers all types, including pathogenic, radiation, space, vegetarian, “evil magic,’’ and other varieties (species?). When it comes to planning for contingencies, it’s hard to beat the US military.
Will the bleeding-hearts in Congress or the UN try to prevent our attempts to defend against the zombie apocalypse? Nope. International and U.S. law applies to humans and animals. According to CONOP 8888, “There are almost no restrictions on hostile actions that may be taken either defensively or offensively against pathogenic life forms, organic-robotic entities, or ‘traditional’ zombies.’’
Will we defend just America or the entire world? That all depends on where and how the zombies strike, but the plan conceivably could help us save the world.
Are we gonna try to cure and/or befriend the zombies, or just kill ’em all? Kill ’em all. According to CONOP 8888, “It is important to note that zombies are not cognizant life-forms. As such, they cannot be deterred or reasoned with in any way.’’
And we haven’t even gotten into the collateral issues, like pandemic zombie pathogens. You can read the entire plan below.