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By Vicki Croke, Globe Staff, 01/22/2000

e're here. We love pets. Get used to it.

If we pet people marched on Washington, that would be our rallying cry. But, of course, we don't need to demonstrate (or rhyme) because we are the majority.

And that makes our behavior "the norm." Ha!

The concept may be a scary one when you read the results of the latest national survey of pet owners conducted by the American Animal Hospital Association.

Our love is as shameless as it is deep and, unlike those sex surveys that you never quite believe, you will recognize yourself in these results if you're a pet owner. In fact, the weirder the responses, the more we identify with them. People may lie about bedroom antics, but they tell the truth about cats and dogs.

Among the answers, there are some that you would expect. Like the way we define our relationship with animals: 84 percent of the 1,200 respondents from the United States and Canada refer to themselves as their pet's "Mom" or "Dad." Natch. (What about that other 16 percent, though? Do they call themselves their pet's "good friend"? Animal Beat wants to know.)

There are items that clarify how close we are to them: A whopping 94 percent of us keep a pet's photo on display. The spot that the most pets sleep on is our beds (46 percent). Sixty-three percent of us celebrate our pet's birthday.

And it's not surprising to see the way we project ourselves onto them: Eighteen percent of us think our pet is a genius; 57 percent feel their pet is smart.

But there are some deliciously revealing reactions in the survey, whose respondents take their pets to association veterinarians.

Seventy-two percent of married respondents "greet their pet first when they return home." Ring a bell? It actually makes sense. How often does your significant other bound to the door (wearing only a collar, Cosmo girls!) at the sound of your footsteps, communicating "You! Fabulous you! You're home! And I love love love you"? Well, why can't they both act that way? Imagine your spouse and your pet brawling all the way down the hallway, knocking each other out of the way to get to you first.

Two-thirds of us bring our pets to the vet more often than we see our own physicians. And about half of us have taken time off work to tend to a sick pet.

We know who loves us, baby. But how about understanding? We believe that pets "understand" us better than do friends or family members, though spouses edge them out in this category. Thirty-one percent believe that pets understand us best. Eleven percent chose friends, and another 11 percent selected family members. The most, 47 percent, say their spouse or significant other understands us best.

We may be goofy in love, but we have some limits . . . really. A full 79 percent of pet owners did not make Y2K contingency plans for their pets. What would that have been anyway? A bunker with a three-month supply of Snausages? Filling the tub to the brim with catnip before midnight strikes? And if one needs any more evidence that we are not over the top - 99 percent do not have a Web site for their pets.

Two-thirds of us have, though, sung or danced with our pets. I'd like to know the percentage of mothers who have yelled, "Will you please leave that poor dog alone!"

Many pet owners even think they know what kind of music pets enjoy. While 26 percent said pets had "no preference," 16 percent own "easy listening" pets; 16 percent are classical cats; and 10 percent are pop pups.

And if pets like music and dancing, they're sure to love a party. Eighty-seven percent of us include pets in holidays, and, of those, 98 percent celebrate Christmas, 20 percent Valentine's Day, and only 1 percent Passover. (There's something odd here. That's the same percentage of owners who have tried color therapy for their pets, for crying out loud.)

We give them love and attention (97 percent); bring them to the vet (92 percent); cook for them (52 percent); clean their teeth (46 percent); hire pet sitters for them (60 percent); and groom them (61 percent).

And boy, do we talk about them. In answering the question "Whom do you talk about with co-workers most," 20 percent said spouse, 23 percent said kids, and 34 percent picked pet.

The good news from the survey is, this is all perfectly normal.

This story ran on page F01 of the Boston Globe on 1/22/2000.
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