The conventions: Good for a laugh

I missed the Olympics, by accident. I spent the middle of the month in a house without a television. I had hoped to miss as much of the Democratic National Convention as possible, but the darned thing kept oozing into my life. I would switch on the TV to watch the US Open tennis tournament, and there was some multimillionaire - Nancy Pelosi, say - telling me how much she cared about the Little People.

You really had to laugh, watching the parade of fame-gorged celebrities and Democratic Party plutocrats - Pelosi, Clinton Thing One and Thing Two, the Kennedys - professing their concern for the common man, and, of course, woman. Interestingly, Joe Biden and Barack Obama are among the poorer members of the US Senate, comparatively speaking. It's true that Obama has made over more than a million dollars, but he earned it honestly, by writing.

Are there Americans whose votes can still be swayed by Demo-shill Will.i.am, the comically passé frontman for the Black Eyed Peas? Time was, Mr. am was singing "She-she-she-she got a big o' butt (Damn!)/ I like the way she move it." Now he is extolling the virtues of Barack Obama. It's a living.

My favorite comedic moment of the convention came when Governor Deval Patrick sat for an interview with WBUR's Robin Young. The talk show host mentioned an invidious comparison made between Patrick and Obama, his new BFF, two politicians whose sizzle may exceed their steak:

Young: "You came out of the box with a fantastic victory, and now you are being criticized. A lot of your major efforts - casino gambling, property tax relief - didn't go over well, and this is in a state that has a Democratic legislature. There was a lot of excitement at the beginning, and there hasn't been much implemented. Some critics say Barack Obama would have the same result."

Patrick: "We just completed the most productive legislative session in what - 30 years? If that's the example you want to hold up, go ahead."

What state is Governor Patrick living in? A state of delusional bliss.

The 15,000 journalists swarming the Democratic convention were easy targets for mockery. The Columbia Journalism Review's website asked "What reporters do at the DNC?" and answered its own question: "7,500 aren't doing much at all." But some have been filing important dispatches. I kept my eyes glued to Sara Avant Stover's pieces on the Yoga Journal website, where she has written on subjects like "The DNC's Challenge: Can You Walk the Yoga Talk?"

In between shots of "monkey drinks" - dark green, leafy veggies blended with banana and kiwi - Stover ruminated on the restorative powers of yoga and meditation at the DNC: "If [yoga] can work here, can it not work anywhere?" she asked. Well, almost anywhere. The Journal won't be sending Ms. Stover to the Republican National Convention in St. Paul. Bad karma, I guess.

Republicans can be good for comic relief, too. While Obama was rhapsodizing about a better tomorrow, Dangerous Dick Cheney was trying to slip warships through the Dardanelles into the Black Sea. He thought maybe Vladimir Putin was too busy watching the Obamapalooza and wouldn't notice? The Great Game was a losing proposition for the British Empire, and it hasn't been a winner for the Oilpatch Twins in the White House, either.

I see that President Bush will be speaking on Day One of the Republican convention, in the hopes that by Day Four everyone will have forgotten that he's president. The GOP will likewise be trotting out its own empathetic millionaires, such as Mitt Romney, Carly Fiorina, and Meg Whitman, who surely care just as deeply about the travails of Jane and John Doe as the Democrats do.

Inevitably, the Republicans will dredge up a few right-leaning boldface names to counter the Hollywood-in-the-Rockies spectacle in Denver. Is Bruce Willis still drinking the Kool-Aid? Will Wilford Brimley be in town? The purportedly nonpartisan Creative Coalition, which carpet-bombed Denver with Obamaphilic headliners, will be sending a reduced contingent to the St. Paul GOP shindig, a spokesman confirmed to The New York Times: "The star power in the Twin Cities will be small."

At least John McCain picked a bona fide star to be vice president. I am a big fan of Tina Fey's work. Oh, that's not Tina Fey? Starting today, I am watching less television.

Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.