Time for a little chat with the automakers

TO MAKE US actually believe in Change We Can Believe In, a huge thing Barack Obama could do if he wins the presidency is to go to Detroit and lock the CEOs of America's automakers in a room for a little talk about their industry.

"Guys, good to see you again," President Change could say to General Motors' Rick Wagoner, Ford's Alan Mulally, and Chrysler's Bob Nardelli. "I hope you saw how nice I was to you in the general election. I hope you know how lucky you were. The economy was so bad, I had to appeal to your workers in Michigan, Ohio, Wisconsin, all over the Midwest. I hope you noticed that despite how many times you all have shot yourselves in the foot, I supported not only the first $25 billion bailout for you clowns, but I've said we should give you another $25 billion.

"I trust you saw what I said in the last debate. To refresh your memory, I said you guys 'are obviously getting hammered right now.' I said you were 'already having a tough time because of high gas prices. And now with the financial crisis, car dealerships are closing and people can't get car loans. That's why I think it's important for us to get loan guarantees to the automakers.'

"But I hope you were paying attention to what I said right after that. I said, 'But we do have to hold them responsible as well to start producing the highly fuel-efficient cars of the future. And Detroit has dragged its feet too long in terms of getting that done. It's going to be one of my highest priorities because transportation accounts for about 30 percent of our total energy consumption.'

"I see you guys smirking already. I know what you're thinking. You think I am just another pointy-headed liberal who pontificates about fuel-efficiency standards while sipping cocktails with the Sierra Club, but when push comes to shove, you can sic Michigan's Democratic congressional delegation on me to put me in my place. I know you're a little spoiled because Senator Carl Levin and Representative John Dingell always help you block tough fuel-efficiency standards.

"But remember this. Remember that little speech I gave in 2007 at the Detroit Economic Club? You were all mad when I said that your companies 'continued to reward failure with lucrative bonuses for CEOs.' Instead of taking me seriously, you, Rick, trotted out one of your spokesmen to say that a one-mile-per-gallon-a-year increase in fuel efficiency was, quote, 'not achievable without great consequence to the industry and consumers.' One of the henchmen for all three of you guys, Dingell, spoke a week later to the Detroit Economic Club to chide me by saying I was out of place. He borrowed from 'The Sopranos' to say he would not travel to Chicago for the purpose of teaching people how to butcher hogs.

"Alan, your executive chairman Bill Ford chastised me for driving a V8 Chrysler 300C. OK, so Michelle and I now drive a Ford Escape hybrid. But that proves my point. I am willing to change. Are you?

"I just don't see it, guys. I'm watching the Bears on TV and I still see you pushing the power of Cadillacs.

"So here's the deal. You want that $25 billion and my additional $25 billion? You want it now? The way the loan is structured, it could take you a year-and-a-half to prove you are moving toward 35 miles per gallon for your fleet by 2020. But we're already losing ground on global warming as we speak. If you three get behind me on the podium after this little session to say that you are committing to 45 miles per gallon by 2015, then I will tell Congress to release the funds.

"You've had the technology all along. Now is your chance to use it. If you don't, I will announce that all small vehicles in the government fleet will be replaced by Toyota Priuses.

"Now, Rick, Alan, and Bob, are you ready to talk change we can believe in?"

Derrick Z. Jackson's e-mail address is jackson@globe.com.