Tabling politics

Many families split over campaign '08 seek a unity dinner today

(ESSDRAS M SUAREZ/GLOBE STAFF)

Pamela Worth knows better than to bring up Sarah Palin's name on Thanksgiving.

A few weeks ago Worth shared her views about the former vice presidential candidate with her mother and got the silent treatment. "My mom stopped speaking to me for a few days until I apologized for insulting her love for Sarah Palin," said Worth, 28, a Barack Obama supporter who is hosting dinner today for her mother and two friends at her Somerville home. "This year we were pretty worried, because I thought I had blown Thanksgiving. We cannot absolutely talk politics over Thanksgiving or Christmas."

As families gather around the dinner table this holiday season, some members will do their best to keep one particular item off the menu: politics.

It's a touchy topic to raise in a family of various political stripes. With the divisive presidential election fresh in the minds of Americans, bipartisan families will have to tolerate their differences under one roof for several hours during the holidays. Throw in alcohol and spirited support for a political candidate, and tensions are bound to burst.

Obama may have won the election, but he didn't win over entire households and families. Some relatives have quietly resigned to setting aside their political opinions in hopes of avoiding the kind of family drama often portrayed on ABC's "Brothers and Sisters" when the siblings gather for dinner and everyone talks at once.

Marion Just, a political science professor at Wellesley College, believes politics will surface one way or another today. "It's inevitable, particularly because this was an election where there was a substantial generational gap in support of the candidates," said Just, who is prepared to be cornered by relatives and friends at her daughter's home today. "I don't think many families can entirely escape that tension even though they have the best intentions of sitting down and giving thanks. I have had talks with colleagues and friends who will tiptoe into the kitchen to check on the turkey when the conversation gets particularly fraught when politics comes up."

Amie Ross, who grew up in Lawrence, plans to keep her politics to herself today. "I am avoiding the whole topic. Basically I am going to hide in the kitchen," said Ross, 38, who is cooking a turkey for 24 guests. Since the election she has attended family gatherings such as children's birthday parties, and politics filled the air. She said she and her husband have heard an earful about their preferences. "My mom likes to say that my grandfather is rolling in his grave if he knew he raised a Republican. My husband and I are the only ones that voted for [John] McCain, and everyone is all over us for it. I just smile and keep quiet. Life is easier that way."

Some family members who will gather today for the first time in months are going out of their way to avoid friction at the festivities.

Consider Worth, who swallowed her political pride in order to have a peaceful Thanksgiving with her mother. "We are speaking now," said Worth, a fund-raiser copywriter. "I had to apologize because I was highly critical of Sarah Palin. I just mentioned that I wasn't a big fan of hers, and my mom responded that Palin hadn't been given a fair shake by the mainstream media . . . I really had to eat humble pie."

Her mother offers a diplomatic view. "I do not share my daughter's political views. She does not share my political views," said Karen Worth, who lives in Yarmouth. "I have no problem talking about it. I want my opinion respected, though, and accepted as thought out."

While political debates can be a healthy exchange of ideas, some people worry that the freedom of political speech may stress relatives who don't see eye to eye.

As one of six siblings, Mike Morley is caught in the middle of his family, which was split between Obama and McCain, with one brother voting for Libertarian candidate Bob Barr. Before the election, Morley found himself in political crossfire over the phone and online with siblings as he defended Obama.

"We started out as a friendly discussion, which got a little bit tense," said Morley, a 44-year-old software engineer in Scituate. "There was no middle ground. It was like a microcosm of what was going on in the media."

After the election, Morley sent his McCain-supporting siblings "in-your-face-type e-mails" about Obama's win, but they haven't yet talked about the issue in person. "I wanted to avoid confrontation," he added.

That amnesty will expire today when the family gathers.

"Fortunately," he said, "we are having Thanksgiving dinner at the home of my older, more sensible sister, who supported Obama."

Johnny Diaz can be reached at jodiaz@globe.com.