Know the code

Anyone who's shopped for real estate knows the surreal experience of walking into a house and -- recalling the listing blurb -- wondering if you're in the right place or even the right planet. The snappy description that lured you to the doorstep had only a tenuous connection to reality. What's the hapless buyer to do?

Having seen over 100 homes firsthand in the course of our own search, I offer to Boston homebuyers this brief, only partly tongue-in-cheek translation.

Charming, adorable: Small

Cozy: Really small

Exclamation mark in listing (single): This house isn't getting much interest.

Exclamation marks in listing (two): This listing is in trouble; it won't sell.

Exclamation marks in listing (three or more): Will somebody, ANYBODY buy this house?

Location, location, location: The only thing going for it is the name of the town, and these are the cheap seats.

Bring your updating ideas: Bring your contractor.

Ready for your personal touches: Get ready to rip up carpet, tear down wallpaper, and hire a personal shopper at Home Depot.

Investment opportunity: Knock it down and build a new house.

Room for expansion: Has a yard. (If you had a spare $100,000 laying around after the down payment, maybe you could build something.)

Don't miss out/hurry: We are getting truly desperate to sell this place.

YES! You can afford to live in Newton!: See "location, location, location."