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Mortgage Haiku

Posted by Binyamin Appelbaum  April 4, 2008 08:00 AM

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A California mortgage broker, probably trying to fill time once spent arranging mortgages, has taken to writing haikus about the present predicament. Each of his poems is printed on a piece of Japanese art.

The broker, Mike Mueller, told the San Jose Mercury News that he wrote the haikus mostly for an audience of other real estate professionals. Consider the example at right, which bemoans the industry's plight.

Others, however, will resonate with borrowers, too:

Homeownership dreams
or a financial nightmare?
I am your mortgage.

Accusing a mortgage broker of creativity generally is not a compliment, but of Mueller I mean it in the nicest possible way.

Have a real estate haiku in you? The standard poem is three lines of five, seven and five syllables. Post yours below.

This blog is not written or edited by or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

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70 comments so far...
  1. Bear Sterns gets bailed out
    Billions more for home builders
    Thank you taxpayers

    Posted by Marcus April 4, 08 09:17 AM
  1. congress is angry
    "loan to high-risk borrowers!"
    chickens come to roost

    looking for a home
    400K fixer up
    just keep on walking

    home is where you live
    house is just big wooden box
    sits in rain and rots

    prices raise or drop
    advice is always the same
    "now good time to buy"

    not dropping my price
    house prices always go up
    new buyers whiney

    borrowed way too much
    government will bail me out
    I go to Caymen

    author seems angry
    writes several mean haikus
    a bit cynical

    Posted by Greg D April 4, 08 09:39 AM
  1. Fed bails out Wall Street
    Euro now fiat money
    Would you accept SIVs?

    Posted by Sunny Jim April 4, 08 10:24 AM
  1. House worth 80K
    Buyer wants 500K
    I'm watching from the sidelines

    Posted by yawn April 4, 08 10:53 AM
  1. Privatize profits.
    Charge losses to tax payers.
    Bail out everyone.

    Reward the reckless.
    Blame "predatory lending."
    Fabricate "victims."

    Bail outs for lenders
    Disguised as "homeowner help"
    Are corporate welfare.

    Posted by bostonbubble April 4, 08 10:59 AM
  1. Stocks bonds and houses;
    Bernanke chooses winners.
    Sucker want to play?

    Posted by Marcus April 4, 08 11:38 AM
  1. You said he bid what?
    Did you show him the granite
    and the stainless steel?

    Two half baths makes whole.
    Fourth bedroom in the basement.
    Bidding war, of course.

    C Class lease past due.
    Condo flip not so simple.
    Back to perfume sales.

    Stated income loan
    Makes living like Trump easy.
    Guess who's a victim?

    Barney Frank feels bad
    For all the deadbeat debtors.
    Check is in the mail.

    Posted by Kung Fu April 4, 08 11:47 AM
  1. Boom, bust, or meltdown
    Relitter never changes
    Buy buy buy buy buy

    Posted by Marcus April 4, 08 11:49 AM
  1. Bankers own us all
    Own nothing without interest
    Debt slaves forever

    Why fight the bankers?
    WIth Inflation indexing
    Savers are punnished

    Dance along America
    Buy that beautiful mansion
    Only get to live once

    Posted by Middle April 4, 08 12:56 PM
  1. What will I do with
    My new granite countertops?
    My marble foyer?

    Posted by yawn April 4, 08 01:03 PM
  1. House worth 80K
    Seller wants 500K
    My typing so so

    Posted by yawn April 4, 08 01:07 PM
  1. The bubble is dead
    when money rent costs the same
    as rent on housing.

    cost you money to possess.
    Assets make money.

    U.S. home prices,
    correcting for inflation,
    up less one percent. [since 1890]

    Harvard's Retsinas,
    NAR shills Lereah and Yun.
    All discredited.

    ARM, Alt-A, NINJA
    Are MBSs, CDOs
    that killed BSC.

    Biggest economic
    bubble in world history.
    Years until bottom.

    Posted by Sunny Jim April 4, 08 01:13 PM
  1. Globe respects free speech
    But disagree with their view
    They censor your post

    nice . . .

    [An Editor's note:
    Actually, we let you post
    all kinds of nonsense.]

    Posted by matt April 4, 08 01:28 PM
  1. Now it's obvious
    that Alan Greenspan is an
    incompetent fool.

    Posted by Sunny Jim April 4, 08 01:37 PM
  1. sitting on market
    smelling of mold and mildew
    empty for 12 months

    water floods basement
    is not a real inground pool
    seller is insane

    Posted by just me April 4, 08 02:05 PM
  1. Like a falling leaf
    My house value still falling
    On my banker's head

    Posted by Chris Dunlea April 4, 08 02:06 PM
  1. There goes my money,
    savings and cash. And what now?
    Bitter memories.......

    ( More to come ... )

    Posted by Caruso April 4, 08 02:07 PM
  1. Woe is me to see
    That so much fuss was made for
    Home Hyperbole......

    Posted by Caruso April 4, 08 02:09 PM
  1. Subprime lending crash
    Like waves on an angry sea
    Swells to tsunami.

    Posted by Chris Dunlea April 4, 08 02:12 PM
  1. Jingle mail, walk-away,
    use your "put" on home values.
    Banks are bag holders.

    Posted by Sunny Jim April 4, 08 02:17 PM
  1. Ever up they will go
    How can i not believe them?
    To earth we all crash

    Posted by sean April 4, 08 02:20 PM
  1. I can see the light !
    Wall Street, Banks... They played us blind.
    Crying for the Moon.

    Posted by Caruso April 4, 08 02:22 PM
  1. mortgage payment late
    should have taken fixed rate
    credit score implodes

    Posted by lbl April 4, 08 02:24 PM
  1. mom wants to downsize
    taxes taking a huge bite
    school’s a taj mahal

    Posted by lbl April 4, 08 02:30 PM
  1. Now I must depart
    Heed my sage advice. Beware !!
    Have a good weekend.

    ( I hope you enjoyed the poems !!!! )

    Posted by Caruso April 4, 08 02:31 PM
  1. Congress is outraged
    Where were you 3 years ago?
    Take pen from buyer

    Posted by gern April 4, 08 02:37 PM
  1. Depreciation,
    especially when leveraged,
    is very painful.

    Posted by Sunny Jim April 4, 08 02:38 PM
  1. Real estate's local,
    Bad news does not apply here.
    So says everyone.

    First: it's just sub-prime.
    Now: still safe - my town is rich.
    Soon: my block's immune.

    Posted by bostonbubble April 4, 08 02:40 PM
  1. Ignorant buyer
    Slimy lender no doc
    Americans porked

    Posted by Orlando April 4, 08 02:44 PM
  1. drained the equity
    staying afloat in rough seas
    moved and left the keys

    Posted by lbl April 4, 08 02:44 PM
  1. Declining markets all around
    High mortgage with a soft second
    Try to refi but the appraisal is low

    Posted by Honest Appraiser April 4, 08 02:44 PM
  1. The Moon and the Sun
    Inherent Duality
    So Too With Mortgages

    Doing My Taxes
    Mortgage Int'rest Deduction
    Love Me My Refund

    Alan Schwartz' Bear Shares
    Thirty Bill' Plus Ten a Share
    Loves Him Bernanke

    Posted by Apple April 4, 08 02:46 PM
  1. clown buyers ripe
    bernake smokes crack pipe
    do not believe hype

    Posted by Orlando April 4, 08 02:53 PM
  1. Ancient secret, this:
    What goes up comes down harder.
    Beware of bear traps.

    What is wealth, Daddy?
    Well dear, it is what you have.
    But what about debt?

    HELOC fees are sweet,
    But second liens are less so.
    Banking 101.

    A wise man once said:
    Reputation matters most.
    A contract: not close.

    Posted by Kung Fu (the legend continues) April 4, 08 02:57 PM
  1. American Dream
    Let's reward stupidity
    Lawyers will settle

    Posted by Benny Hill April 4, 08 03:13 PM
  1. Whoever bought the
    Tasteless McMansion on hill
    No food heat or car

    Posted by yawn April 4, 08 03:37 PM
  1. Real Estate now sold.
    Holding onto cash in bank.
    Waiting for bottom.

    Posted by Saw the future April 4, 08 03:38 PM
  1. live within your means
    offers too good to be true
    usually are

    Posted by lbl April 4, 08 03:41 PM
  1. Broker writes Haiku
    as a new occupation.
    Market must be bad.

    Posted by Mel Belle April 4, 08 03:44 PM
  1. Is Real Eastate for real?
    Only Spock knows,
    it's logical?

    Posted by HandyHenry April 4, 08 04:12 PM
  1. Still no afford new place
    Woman stuck on toilet
    Hawk attack arods face

    Posted by Orlando April 4, 08 04:13 PM
  1. House worth 80K
    Buyer wants 500K
    I'm watching from the sidelines

    Thats the best in the rest...

    Posted by Jimmy April 4, 08 04:20 PM
  1. Forclosure is not
    The worst thing that can happen
    We have each other

    Posted by Mrs. Ladylegs April 4, 08 04:31 PM
  1. I thank you Jimmy
    I meant to say Seller though
    Still watch from sidelines

    Posted by yawn April 4, 08 04:38 PM
  1. Greed was all around
    Why resist buying that home?
    I'll sign on the line

    Don't listen to them
    Best interest not at hand
    Talking 'bout realtors

    Posted by The Gurl April 4, 08 05:58 PM
  1. From the Mortgage Guy
    Who wrote the originals...
    Thanks for Jumbo Joe!

    PS: I'm still busy arranging mortgages. I'm also a Huge Hockey Fan.
    Thanks for the mention!

    Mike Mueller

    Posted by Mike Mueller April 4, 08 05:59 PM
  1. Pay Landlord's Mortgage
    While I pray for a collapse
    Live in Brighton forever

    Like a gong you bong
    One note "we must run and hide"
    Hey gong, get a job

    My house costs much coin
    I will show you it someday
    when pizza you bring

    Posted by Wun Hung Lo April 4, 08 07:03 PM
  1. Realtors never lie
    Now is a great time to buy
    Trees grow to the sky

    Different this time
    Everyone wants to live here
    Nothing could go wrong!

    I remember when
    A million-dollar mortgage
    Was a lot of dough

    They kept repeating
    Real estate always goes up
    And you believed them?

    Last crash so recent
    A man with short memory
    Overpays for house

    Posted by Teavo April 4, 08 11:12 PM
  1. First haiku by yawn
    A pithy statement indeed
    cannot say it better!

    Posted by yawn_fan April 5, 08 01:46 PM
  1. No contingency,
    Good credit and downpayment:
    You own this market.

    Posted by Lotus Blossom April 5, 08 02:17 PM
  1. Yawning at sidelines
    always price too much to pay
    sidelines where you stay

    market doomsayer
    later always best time to buy
    later never come

    No money, live with mom,
    lay prostrate with your keyboard.
    Still got internet

    Confucious say he
    who offer much under price
    stay renter for life

    Posted by Won Hung Lo April 6, 08 03:39 PM
  1. Cash flow negative
    Sure sign of bad "investment"
    Landlords lose money

    Your house cost much coin
    So you swim as debt rises
    Underwater, going down

    Those who urge caution
    Are just poor, jealous renters
    Like Warren Buffet

    Posted by George April 6, 08 04:00 PM
  1. Won Hung Lo dead wrong
    Waiting can bring better deals
    Prices are falling

    Lo's bad attitude:
    Buy now or I will taunt you
    Pay my wishing price

    The irony is
    Buyers now hold all the card
    Your equity's gone

    Posted by George April 6, 08 09:10 PM
  1. Confucius say he
    whose asking price is too high
    stay seller for life

    Posted by anon April 7, 08 09:19 AM
  1. Price only go up
    Yes, prices only go up
    Yes, price go up....crash!

    Posted by John April 7, 08 09:19 AM
  1. Can easily tell
    who is buyer or seller
    just read their haiku

    Posted by me April 7, 08 09:20 AM
  1. On my rural road
    Snow melts as three houses sit
    Vacant and foreclosed.

    Young friend rejoices
    At last I can leave Mom's house
    I'm buying my own

    Posted by jane April 7, 08 09:57 AM
  1. Won Hung Lo must say
    Why houses are not selling?
    Why foreclosure news?

    Posted by yawn April 7, 08 10:07 AM
  1. "Haves" taking a hit?
    Gosh, maybe we really are
    Doing something wrong...

    Posted by Columbine April 7, 08 10:15 AM
  1. Finance folk try to
    write haiku's. Bored, since they now
    cannot steal anymore.

    Posted by Mike April 7, 08 10:44 AM
  1. Bank gang rips us off
    for several years. They push
    prices til roof caves.

    Posted by Mike April 7, 08 10:49 AM
  1. I was not greedy
    I have lived within my means
    modest house, big smile

    Posted by Eric R April 7, 08 12:36 PM
  1. Fat Americans
    Eat McDonalds McMansions
    Need Congress Maalox

    Posted by Eric R April 7, 08 12:41 PM
  1. Confusing lending
    I thought I got a sweet deal
    and a big balloon!

    Posted by Eric R April 7, 08 12:46 PM
  1. Appreciation
    Means "Adequately Valued"
    Not "goes up and up"

    Posted by JGB April 7, 08 01:03 PM
  1. In over my head
    House towers over neighbors
    And you bail me out!

    Posted by Eric R April 7, 08 01:04 PM
  1. Why should we save you
    too stupid to save yourself
    next time read fine print!

    Posted by Eric R April 7, 08 01:11 PM
  1. if money were free
    it would have no value
    - extreme inflation

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    forgive all debts

    settle all accounts
    no one owes anything

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    make housing costs look cheap

    go paint a rosy picture
    just get people to sign up

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    live way beyond your means

    just ignore reality
    soon you will win lottery

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    money may not make money

    you made it through smart work
    it may not work smart for you

    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe says
    interest is a bad thing

    you must give up your money
    and get nothing in return

    Posted by USpace April 19, 08 07:32 PM
  1. What drops down in price
    Must rise back up again

    Posted by Michael Ramstedt August 22, 08 05:56 PM
  1. Sticks and stones break bones
    But a tough realty market?
    That will leave a mark

    Posted by Michael Ramstedt August 22, 08 05:57 PM
About boston real estate now
Scott Van Voorhis is a freelance writer who specializes in real estate and business issues.

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