Mortgage Haiku
A California mortgage broker, probably trying to fill time once spent arranging mortgages, has taken to writing haikus about the present predicament. Each of his poems is printed on a piece of Japanese art.
The broker, Mike Mueller, told the San Jose Mercury News that he wrote the haikus mostly for an audience of other real estate professionals. Consider the example at right, which bemoans the industry's plight.
Others, however, will resonate with borrowers, too:
Homeownership dreams
or a financial nightmare?
I am your mortgage.
Accusing a mortgage broker of creativity generally is not a compliment, but of Mueller I mean it in the nicest possible way.
Have a real estate haiku in you? The standard poem is three lines of five, seven and five syllables. Post yours below.
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Bear Sterns gets bailed out
Billions more for home builders
Thank you taxpayers
congress is angry
"loan to high-risk borrowers!"
chickens come to roost
looking for a home
400K fixer up
just keep on walking
home is where you live
house is just big wooden box
sits in rain and rots
prices raise or drop
advice is always the same
"now good time to buy"
not dropping my price
house prices always go up
new buyers whiney
borrowed way too much
government will bail me out
I go to Caymen
author seems angry
writes several mean haikus
a bit cynical
Fed bails out Wall Street
Euro now fiat money
Would you accept SIVs?
House worth 80K
Buyer wants 500K
I'm watching from the sidelines
Privatize profits.
Charge losses to tax payers.
Bail out everyone.
Reward the reckless.
Blame "predatory lending."
Fabricate "victims."
Bail outs for lenders
Disguised as "homeowner help"
Are corporate welfare.
Stocks bonds and houses;
Bernanke chooses winners.
Sucker want to play?
You said he bid what?
Did you show him the granite
and the stainless steel?
Two half baths makes whole.
Fourth bedroom in the basement.
Bidding war, of course.
C Class lease past due.
Condo flip not so simple.
Back to perfume sales.
Stated income loan
Makes living like Trump easy.
Guess who's a victim?
Barney Frank feels bad
For all the deadbeat debtors.
Check is in the mail.
Boom, bust, or meltdown
Relitter never changes
Buy buy buy buy buy
Bankers own us all
Own nothing without interest
Debt slaves forever
Why fight the bankers?
WIth Inflation indexing
Savers are punnished
Dance along America
Buy that beautiful mansion
Only get to live once
What will I do with
My new granite countertops?
My marble foyer?
House worth 80K
Seller wants 500K
My typing so so
The bubble is dead
when money rent costs the same
as rent on housing.
Liabilities
cost you money to possess.
Assets make money.
U.S. home prices,
correcting for inflation,
up less one percent. [since 1890]
Harvard's Retsinas,
NAR shills Lereah and Yun.
All discredited.
ARM, Alt-A, NINJA
Are MBSs, CDOs
that killed BSC.
Biggest economic
bubble in world history.
Years until bottom.
Globe respects free speech
But disagree with their view
They censor your post
nice . . .
[An Editor's note:
Actually, we let you post
all kinds of nonsense.]
Now it's obvious
that Alan Greenspan is an
incompetent fool.
sitting on market
smelling of mold and mildew
empty for 12 months
water floods basement
is not a real inground pool
seller is insane
Like a falling leaf
My house value still falling
On my banker's head
There goes my money,
savings and cash. And what now?
Bitter memories.......
( More to come ... )
Woe is me to see
That so much fuss was made for
Home Hyperbole......
Subprime lending crash
Like waves on an angry sea
Swells to tsunami.
Jingle mail, walk-away,
use your "put" on home values.
Banks are bag holders.
Ever up they will go
How can i not believe them?
To earth we all crash
I can see the light !
Wall Street, Banks... They played us blind.
Crying for the Moon.
mortgage payment late
should have taken fixed rate
credit score implodes
mom wants to downsize
taxes taking a huge bite
school’s a taj mahal
Now I must depart
Heed my sage advice. Beware !!
Have a good weekend.
( I hope you enjoyed the poems !!!! )
Congress is outraged
Where were you 3 years ago?
Take pen from buyer
Depreciation,
especially when leveraged,
is very painful.
Real estate's local,
Bad news does not apply here.
So says everyone.
First: it's just sub-prime.
Now: still safe - my town is rich.
Soon: my block's immune.
Ignorant buyer
Slimy lender no doc
Americans porked
drained the equity
staying afloat in rough seas
moved and left the keys
Declining markets all around
High mortgage with a soft second
Try to refi but the appraisal is low
The Moon and the Sun
Inherent Duality
So Too With Mortgages
Doing My Taxes
Mortgage Int'rest Deduction
Love Me My Refund
Alan Schwartz' Bear Shares
Thirty Bill' Plus Ten a Share
Loves Him Bernanke
clown buyers ripe
bernake smokes crack pipe
do not believe hype
Ancient secret, this:
What goes up comes down harder.
Beware of bear traps.
What is wealth, Daddy?
Well dear, it is what you have.
But what about debt?
HELOC fees are sweet,
But second liens are less so.
Banking 101.
A wise man once said:
Reputation matters most.
A contract: not close.
American Dream
Let's reward stupidity
Lawyers will settle
Whoever bought the
Tasteless McMansion on hill
No food heat or car
Real Estate now sold.
Holding onto cash in bank.
Waiting for bottom.
live within your means
offers too good to be true
usually are
Broker writes Haiku
as a new occupation.
Market must be bad.
Is Real Eastate for real?
Only Spock knows,
it's logical?
Still no afford new place
Woman stuck on toilet
Hawk attack arods face
House worth 80K
Buyer wants 500K
I'm watching from the sidelines
Thats the best in the rest...
Forclosure is not
The worst thing that can happen
We have each other
I thank you Jimmy
I meant to say Seller though
Still watch from sidelines
Greed was all around
Why resist buying that home?
I'll sign on the line
Don't listen to them
Best interest not at hand
Talking 'bout realtors
From the Mortgage Guy
Who wrote the originals...
Thanks for Jumbo Joe!
PS: I'm still busy arranging mortgages. I'm also a Huge Hockey Fan.
Thanks for the mention!
Mike Mueller
Pay Landlord's Mortgage
While I pray for a collapse
Live in Brighton forever
Like a gong you bong
One note "we must run and hide"
Hey gong, get a job
My house costs much coin
I will show you it someday
when pizza you bring
Realtors never lie
Now is a great time to buy
Trees grow to the sky
Different this time
Everyone wants to live here
Nothing could go wrong!
I remember when
A million-dollar mortgage
Was a lot of dough
They kept repeating
Real estate always goes up
And you believed them?
Last crash so recent
A man with short memory
Overpays for house
First haiku by yawn
A pithy statement indeed
cannot say it better!
No contingency,
Good credit and downpayment:
You own this market.
Yawning at sidelines
always price too much to pay
sidelines where you stay
market doomsayer
later always best time to buy
later never come
No money, live with mom,
lay prostrate with your keyboard.
Still got internet
Confucious say he
who offer much under price
stay renter for life
Cash flow negative
Sure sign of bad "investment"
Landlords lose money
Your house cost much coin
So you swim as debt rises
Underwater, going down
Those who urge caution
Are just poor, jealous renters
Like Warren Buffet
Won Hung Lo dead wrong
Waiting can bring better deals
Prices are falling
Lo's bad attitude:
Buy now or I will taunt you
Pay my wishing price
The irony is
Buyers now hold all the card
Your equity's gone
Confucius say he
whose asking price is too high
stay seller for life
Price only go up
Yes, prices only go up
Yes, price go up....crash!
Can easily tell
who is buyer or seller
just read their haiku
On my rural road
Snow melts as three houses sit
Vacant and foreclosed.
Young friend rejoices
At last I can leave Mom's house
I'm buying my own
Won Hung Lo must say
Why houses are not selling?
Why foreclosure news?
"Haves" taking a hit?
Gosh, maybe we really are
Doing something wrong...
Finance folk try to
write haiku's. Bored, since they now
cannot steal anymore.
Bank gang rips us off
for several years. They push
prices til roof caves.
I was not greedy
I have lived within my means
modest house, big smile
Fat Americans
Eat McDonalds McMansions
Need Congress Maalox
Confusing lending
I thought I got a sweet deal
and a big balloon!
Appreciation
Means "Adequately Valued"
Not "goes up and up"
In over my head
House towers over neighbors
And you bail me out!
Why should we save you
too stupid to save yourself
next time read fine print!
if money were free
it would have no value
- extreme inflation
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
forgive all debts
settle all accounts
no one owes anything
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
make housing costs look cheap
go paint a rosy picture
just get people to sign up
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
live way beyond your means
just ignore reality
soon you will win lottery
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
money may not make money
you made it through smart work
it may not work smart for you
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
interest is a bad thing
you must give up your money
and get nothing in return
What drops down in price
Must rise back up again
Eventually
Sticks and stones break bones
But a tough realty market?
That will leave a mark
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