Meet the parents
I was told to brace myself. My client called to say her parents were coming to town and they wanted to see the house. Brace myself?
My fellow brokers have been known to say that the parental visit is “the kiss of death” for a transaction. I generally disagree. I would like to think that parents love their children. Parents are supportive of the choices their adult children make. My experience bears this out.
Today, my client’s step-mother found the house charming. She was concerned about the age and the work it will take to make it good as new. But the earth did not shake. There was no “you are making a huge mistake!” No “we won’t help you if you fail.” No “what were you thinking?”
Maybe I have just been lucky. In the seventeen years that I have been doing this work, I have only had one parent trash a house that the buyers were buying. That parent started trashing before we even got to the town it was in and didn't stop, ever. The deal fell through. I stopped working with those buyers. They still don't own a house, more than thirteen years later.
Have I been unusually lucky to have met only one highly critical parent? Or are parents generally support and trust the judgment of their children when it comes to real estate? My father did not question my choices, but then again, I was a pro. What did your parent's say? Did they affect your decisions?
We've brought our parents in and included them in all discussions. We value their judgment and continually do sanity checks. Who else is going to put you in check when emotion gets the best of you? Who else has more experience?
That said, when we have had our parents visit homes we were interested in, we already had a P&S. Because we involved them early, the kinks were worked out so to speak.
If an agent, mine or the seller's, was adverse to having our parents come, we would walk. I actually had one that said, "What if your parents don't like the house?" My response, "I'm not 2." The agent was a big reason we didn't get that house, not the house.
I had an offer contract accepted on an old house in Wayland -- only to have my father trash it, saying it needed too much work, etc etc.. we never got a signed P&S worked out and we ended up a couple miles away in a renovated ranch for a much cheaper price (in Natick). In my case, my father convinced me not to buy ... my buyer's agent didn't like him much and he also felt she was pressuring us to buy the old house, so we ended up dropping her too and finding a new agent.
Bringing the parents in Massachusetts is a huge mistake unless they come from Massachusetts. Ideally you want them for a sanity check, right? The problem is, they will assume you are insane to buy a delapidated, 40 year old house on a busy road for half a million. You will stammer out something about the importance of good schools and they will look at you like your crazy. Unless you have lived here and shopped for houses long enough, you cannot understand just how much you have to lower your expectations to buy a home here.
I always bring my parents to look at a house I am considering buying. Buying a home is one of (if not THE) largest financial decisions you will make in your lifetime. Why wouldn't you seek the counsel of people you trust? If doesn't have to be your parents, it could be siblings or close friends. But assuming that you have a good and close relationship with your parents, of course you'd want to get their opinion. Do not do so would be arrogant and self-destructive. Any realtor who discourages you to get the opinion of others is trying to bully you into a sale and should be dropped.
My family isn't from MA and frankly, I worry about including them when they think that we shouldn't be spending any more than $250K on our first home and it should need no major fixing up and certified lead free. They simply have no concept of the housing stock in MA and what's a good deal versus not a good deal. I'd love to find this fairy home that they want me to buy, but it just isn't gonna happen. So whoever you bring should have a realistic picture of the local housing market.
If you can't make judgment calls without your parents' help, you probably shouldn't be buying real estate.
As a realtor, I never discourage buyers from having their parents check things out - and often the parents are helping with the downpayment, so it's stupid (IMO) to do otherwise.
A supportive parent will help calm a jittery first-time buyer - another plus - will help put things into perspective and may even help give the buyer a vision of the "future" house.
But the helicopter parents scare me - they're the ones who interfere with the transaction and bother the agents, attorneys and even sellers either by calling themselves or by giving the kids lists of things to check. Interestingly, these are often the parents who were silent when seeing the house.
RE: Number 3: I can't tell if you're kidding.
RE: Number 5: I've informed my parents of the insanity of the local markets, and they advised what the Missus and I are already doing: Wait. Owing the bank would be great, but I'm not paying the prices I see in the listings as of today. There are reason there are no "fairy homes" in Massachusetts, not the least of which people think a dilapidated 2BR in a flood zone should command $300k. Buyers who overpay are part of the problem.
No sir. We're not in such an all-fired hurry to be in debt that we can't rent until we find a house that's actually worth the money the bank will lend us to pay for it. If it won't happen in Massachusetts, then it can happen elsewhere in New England, and I don't mind commuting a bit.
RE: Number 6: Valuing the input of an experienced homeowner with respect to things you by definition do not have experience with is not the same as being paralyzed without parental guidance.
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