Outfoxed by a squirrel

My house is no longer my own. At least that is how I have been feeling lately after a posse of much too friendly neighborhood squirrels have become squatters in my attic.

When I last let loose on the ongoing saga of my hapless efforts to wrest back control of my attic, months of frustration over the midnight antics of these furry nocturnal visitors had boiled over.

Trying to wish the problem away hadn’t worked. So finally I broke down, rented a trap, and set it up under the eaves with a wad of peanut butter on a piece of bread as the bait. No dice. When I checked in the morning the bait was gone alright, but there was no sign of a squirrel.

While disappointed, I was still not worried. After all, my wife and I are renovating and adding onto our Natick handyman’s special, a project that includes all new siding. And soon after the trap fiasco, the final strips of white siding were hammered into place, seemingly covering up any small squirrel holes leading into our warm attic.

Success at last, or so I thought. I had succeeded in finally locking the squirrels out.

Instead, one night soon after the siding was finished, I awoke again to the now familiar pitter patter on the floor above my head. And what had really happened suddenly became unpleasantly clear – I had succeeded in locking them in, not out!

I hit bottom and hit it hard. It was time for some professional help. Rising before dawn, I began emailing any and all firms specializing in the removal of wild animals.

Surely, these vets of the animal control business would have answers to a problem as common as squirrels in the attic?

It felt good to finally take control of this situation. Victory appeared to be just a phone call away. I am taking care of this, I assured my wife. Really. You’ll see.

Then the “technician” for the wildlife removal service I had hired arrived at my front door. And despite his title, which seems to suggest some expertise beyond that of the average, clueless homeowner like me, I did a double-take when I looked and saw him holding a small cage of the same design I had just rented a few days before.

And so far, the same cage has yielded similar results, except this time I am nearly $300 poorer.

The icing on the cake was the phone call I got just days after I hired these guys. Would I be home on Saturday so the “technician’’ could swing by and pick up the cage for the weekend?
I guess even squirrels need a little downtime on the weekends. Or maybe this was just a ceasefire.

I don’t know, but I’ve just about had it.

Unfortunately, I am also running short on ideas.