Marriage of the doer and planner

Planners need to involve the doer in implementing plans. Doers need to get planners to imagine the “be here now” value of the house. Then they must agree to stick their agreement as each opportunity comes up.

Doers have opinions about planning issues and vise versa.
The doer cares about the monthly payment because it impacts daily life. Doers will not naturally think about questions like whether a 15-year note would be better, or if paying down the mortgage in the first 5 years is a good idea. The planner needs to get the doer to agree to long-term costs of buying. Doers tend to minimize the expenses of repair, maintenance and improvement.
Step one: Make spending limit decisions before house hunting. Promise one another.

The planner cares about the long-term comfort of living in the property, as does the doer. The planner should be involved in picking the properties to see; the doer will tend to pick properties that are more out-of-the envelope. The doer must share his/her perceptions about why a given property will work for the couple because, generally, the doer feels it sooner and knows it more clearly.

Choose the features of your future house together, then search within those limits. Develop a list of top features that must be, then some that would be good to have. Keep it simple. If your budget limits you, agree to a matrix that meets both of your living needs. This involves both doer and planner skills. Give the doer a chance to imagine the house, the community and the life. Let the planner imagine problems with the compromises on any of the three variables: size, location and condition.

Step two: A. Agree to key features that are either there or feasible to add. B. Agree to the same compromises on the size-location-condition matrix. Agree to only buy a smallish place in certain locations, or in a certain condition. Agree to buy in some towns only if the place is big, in good condition, or both. Promise one another.

Now a story:

Mr. and Mrs. F. went house hunting with their buyer agent (me.) They wanted a two-family house with a two-bedroom unit for themselves and a two-bedroom rental at one price, with a higher price limit for a three or four-bedroom rental. Off street parking was a must for Mrs. and a big kitchen was a must for Mr.

They found a house that Mrs. F. fell in love with. It had exceptional antique woodwork. It also had a one-bedroom rental unit with no off-street parking. “We could put in a curb cut” argued Mrs. F. “But we can’t add a bedroom,” countered Mr. F. The buyer’s agent reminded them that they promised one another to buy a two-bedroom or bigger rental unit. The house also needed a new boiler, a good bit of exterior repair and painting, and some other updating. They passed on that house.

I acted as our buyer’s agent. I was mad at my agent for weeks. The agent wasn't so happy with Mrs. F, either.

I mention this for two reasons. One, I understand both sides of this dilemma. I am naturally a doer, but I have honed my planner skills to do my job. Second, I have lived through the conflict. I found that the pre-discussion, the buy-in, and the mutual promise work to take the charge out of disappointments along the way. I was mad at the buyer’s agent, but not at my husband.

What happened when you bought? Did it become clear who was the doer and who was the planner? What happens when you buy as a single adult?

Jim, did I answer your questions yet? J1mbo01, how about you?