Addressing issue

Kelly Godsey was different than everyone else. A great athlete, and a tortured soul.

Godsey loves sports. Her first word was ''ball." She grew up in Connecticut, where she started getting hassled about her androgynous look in the seventh grade. When her family moved to Parker, Colo., seven years ago, things got worse. Much worse.

''Kelly was so bullied in high school she attended just 28 days one year," said Godsey's mother, Renee, reached by phone.

''It was dreadful. I went to the principal. Every time she walked down the hallway they would yell 'dyke' or worse. They wrote things on her locker. They threatened her. It got to the point where she tried to kill herself several times before she was 18.

''She went through hell and that's not even a fair comparison. She was hospitalized for it. I had to make the house suicide-proof. I couldn't leave. I had to hide the knives, nail files. I was afraid if I came home, she'd be dead."

But Kelly persevered. Her parents sent their daughter to Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, for its liberal, progressive attitude and pledge of dignity. Kelly, who wants to be a physical therapist, majored in English and developed into one of the greatest women athletes in school history -- an 11-time All-American in five track and field disciplines: hammer throw (outdoor), shot put (indoor and outdoor), discus (outdoor), and the 20-pound weight (indoor).

Last summer, Kelly Godsey decided to become Keelin Godsey and asked to be referred to using the male pronoun ''he."

Bates readily agreed to support the preoperative transgender athlete during what experts call a transition period.

For the first time, the man inside Keelin Godsey was out.

Before the fall term began, Bates consulted with the NCAA on Godsey's eligibility. The organization defines an individual's sex as classified by state law.

''At Bates, we understand this to mean that an individual who is physically and physiologically female may compete in intercollegiate competition with females," the school said in a statement.

Godsey, now a senior, ''will continue to compete in women's track and field events while self-identifying as male," the statement said. ''Since he will not have changed his physiology to male, he will meet the criteria required to compete in women's sports."

Godsey also is delaying hormone therapy and possible sexual reassignment surgery until after the 2008 Olympics, because Godsey wants to compete in the female division.

The International Olympic Committee says that a transgender athlete has to wait two years after surgery to compete in their new gender. Godsey will also be competing in the NCAA Division 3 championships this month.

''There are no rules being broken. I am not doing anything illegal, anything wrong. I'm not doing anything other than going by a different pronoun and a different name," Keelin Godsey told the Lewiston Sun Journal in Godsey's only newspaper interview.

Godsey also received support from the other New England Small College Athletic Conference schools.

''It's not an issue," said Jeff Ward, athletic director at archrival Bowdoin College. ''There's no hormone replacement, how she chooses to identify herself, that doesn't have anything to do with what we do. She's not breaking any rules, those are her decisions, not ours. She's really good."

But the decisions have been painful.

''I've lost a lot of friends over this," Godsey told the Sun Journal.

Bates said that so far there have been no incidents.

Maine law provides explicit anti-discrimination protection to transgender individuals. Unlike the case of Dr. Renee Richards, the tennis player who in 1975 went from male to female, under a hailstorm of publicity, transgender issues are more common today.

''It's the flavor of the month," according to Alyn Libman, a club figure skater and female to male transgender at the University of California at Berkeley.

There are approximately 1,200 sexual reassignment surgeries in the United States each year, according to gender specialist Michele Angello, PhD.

The majority of transgender people do not have complete surgery but only make the change psychologically or through hormone therapy, Angello said.

Bates College discouraged an interview with Godsey. ''I guarantee he will not talk to you," said women's track and field coach Jennifer Hartshorn.

The school instead faxed eight pages of information.

''College should be a safe place -- physically, emotionally, and intellectually -- where students can learn about themselves and their world. One's gender identity is a part of this learning, " the statement said.

The school said it would provide separate dressing facilities and possible hotel accommodations for Keelin.

Godsey said Bates is a ''comfortable environment" to start the transition to becoming a man.

The school also released a Q and A with Godsey.

''Why now?" Godsey said in the interview. ''I've hid who I am for my entire life. It's hard to live what you see as a lie. Everyone knows this one person, but you don't even consider that one person to be you. Or, you feel like you're lying to every important person in your life because they don't know everything about you. I try to be as honest with everyone as I can, so it's especially hard.

''For me to be in a fair competition, I have to compete as a female. I could not compete vs. men. It's a very hard task, especially in my field, which is mostly brute strength, plus technique."

The college said Godsey has never tested positive for male hormone supplements, including testosterone and nandrolone.

Recently, the Bates website listed its male and female athletes of the week. Keelin was selected for breaking a personal record in the 20-pound weight throw at the Maine indoor track and field championships. The article, per Keelin's preference, repeatedly referred to Godsey as ''he." That even confused some members of Godsey's family.

Renee Godsey got a call at home.

''My mother called me up and said, 'Renee, there's some mistake.' I said, 'No, Kelly wants that,' " Renee said.

For the Godsey family, there is lots of love and support, but also remorse.

''Oh, my gosh. I gave her a name and it's not Keelin," said Renee. ''I'm sad, but I respect her decision. We will support her 100 percent. I'm going to lose a daughter and that's very sad to me. I do still call her Kelly; you're going to have to give me time."

Sexual reassignment surgery -- less common for female-to-male than male-to-female changes, and more complicated -- could cost as much as $1 million.

It is not covered by insurance.

''I will not do everything," Keelin Godsey told the Sun Journal.

''We will not pay for this," said Renee Godsey.

''It's like this fine line," Renee added. ''I'll be home to take care of her after her surgery, but I can't pay for it. That's just something inside of me that says I can't. I will always love her, always support her. That doesn't mean I support what she wants to do."

At a recent meet at Boston University, Godsey had access to a separate dressing area. Few athletes knew or cared about her being a transgender athlete. The well-buffed Keelin, wearing silver earrings and spiked short hair, warmed up by prancing in the hallways past the concession stands.

Godsey's 20-pound weight throw was powerful and passionate. In a warmup, Godsey almost hit a photographer who was told his position was safely out of reach. Competing against Division 1 schools from the Northeast, Godsey placed second with a then-season-best throw of 63 feet 2 3/4 inches, and also finished second in the shot put at 45-6 1/4.

The next day, Keelin accompanied the team to a meet at MIT.

''We don't care anything about what anyone wants to be called," said MIT's Aline Thomas, who also competes in the hammer throw. ''We just care about competing. It's up to her if she feels that's what she wants to be called. Fine, we'll refer to her as a he."

Said MIT coach Fletcher Brooks, ''I've known her [Godsey] for a while. She's obviously set herself apart as a thrower. She's tremendous. Extremely talented and has worked hard to improve every year. Other than that, I have not noticed anything or really cared. Truthfully, it hasn't bothered me in the least; that's her choice."

Asked why he was using the pronoun ''she," Brooks backtracked. ''Because I'm not used to it. If she were my athlete, I probably would."

Ned Rich, a 1972 MIT graduate who was watching his daughter, Sarah, compete in the 20-pound weight throw, said transgender athletes are welcome, but the education process is difficult for the public to grasp.

''It is making for a strange situation for everyone trying to understand what is going on," Rich said.

''Competitively, she's still a woman. Psychologically, she feels like a man. They should try to find some other pronouns or keep using the first name."

The Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders do not agree.

According to a statement on GLAD's website, ''A person who identifies as a certain gender, whether or not they have taken hormones or had surgery, should be referred to using the pronouns appropriate for that gender."

Not everyone is comfortable with that. Several athletes, including a male from Bates, thought long and hard and simply said, ''No comment."

Peter Roby, director of Northeastern University's Center for the Study of Sport in Society, urges understanding.

''It's an adjustment for everyone. It takes a lot of understanding to adjust on everyone's part," said Roby. ''People don't just wake up and make this decision. They're trying to make peace. What it really comes down to is respect. It's like a choice between Mrs. and Miss or the use of a hyphenated name. It's more out of respect. It's something we need to get used to."

Libman, who wants to be a civil rights lawyer, has a message for Godsey. ''Tell him to follow his dreams and don't stop until he gets them. Don't let anyone tell you you are less than you are because you are a transgender person. Until society realizes we're like everyone else . . . We're human and we shouldn't have to hide who we are to pursue a passion."

Godsey's father, Jim, urges compassion for Keelin, pronouns notwithstanding.

''She's very shy," he said. ''She's not looking to make a political statement, just to be happy and find peace in the world. She doesn't want to be a champion for someone with a political agenda. I applaud her. She's thoughtful and driven.

''She's the bravest person I have ever known on the planet."