Living in a downward spiral

In Mike Ruth's eyes, God has a plan for him. One of the greatest New England college football players in history, Ruth said he trusts God's plan, even though he has lost everything: his home, his health, his marriage, his livelihood, even his freedom when he has landed behind bars.

Ruth gained national celebrity as a theology major and prospective priest at Boston College in January 1985 when he helped Doug Flutie lead the football team to victory in the Cotton Bowl and later that year won the Outland Trophy as the nation's most outstanding interior lineman. He earned his degree, but he passed up the priesthood to marry his college sweetheart and play professional football, including two seasons with the New England Patriots.

A generation later, Ruth, 43, survives on faith, medication, and the kindness of friends. Enmeshed in a bitter divorce, he is fighting allegations by his wife, Judy, that his drug abuse, which she says began at Boston College with anabolic steroids, has caused him to engage in "irrational, delusional, abusive, and threatening behavior toward [her] and his children."

Ruth denied most of the allegations and said his wife is "trying to destroy me." The Ruths are wrangling in court over the custody of their six children between the ages of 5 and 19.

"They say nothing happens that God doesn't allow and nothing is given to you greater than you can handle," Ruth said in an interview. "That [stinks] because if you're a good person or a strong person, you're going to get a lot to handle."

Judy Ruth has alleged in court that her husband's behavioral issues in recent years have been caused by his abusing a prescribed amphetamine he takes for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Ruth denied the allegation.

He was less direct, however, about the assertion that he illegally used anabolic steroids when he played for Boston College. Judy Ruth said she saw him inject the drugs.

"I never claimed to be Snow White," Ruth said, "but that's all I'm going to say about it."

He declined to say whether he believes any of his health problems are related to his alleged steroid use.

"It's a non-issue," he said. "The whole topic is not worth getting into."

In a divorce case that a probation officer described as a classic "he said, she said," the Ruths have endured months of emotional and legal turmoil in the court fight for their children and property.

The toll for Mike Ruth has included suffering "a complete physical and emotional breakdown" in February, he said. He spent three nights last month in the Essex County Jail on a charge that he violated a protective order granted to Judy. He was evicted from his leased home in Andover by a sheriff's deputy the day he was released from jail for failing to pay his rent. And he said he has "had to beg and borrow for food."

Down to 260 pounds from his playing weight of 285, the 6-foot-2-inch former All-American has persevered with help from his former BC teammates, including Flutie, Gerard Phelan, and Jim Turner, as well as the school's chancellor, the Rev. J. Donald Monan, among other friends and charities.

"Mike is one of the most high-integrity individuals I have ever met," said Gerard Lorden, a former BC classmate who opened his Milton home to Ruth after his eviction and planned to help him secure another rental property. "He would rather starve than do something wrong."

Judy Ruth has filed documents in Lawrence District Court and Essex Probate and Family Court that cast a far more disturbing portrait. In raising the allegations of drug abuse, she stated Ruth failed to provide for his family as his emotional stability deteriorated after he lost his job with a Wilmington-based insurance company in 2003.

"What I've endured the last few years, no human being should have to go through," she said in an interview.

She alleged in May that Ruth's "current mental state is very alarming to me" and stated that a Catholic Charities social worker quoted Ruth as saying, "I wish I killed her when I had the chance." Ruth denied making the statement.

Judy Ruth also told the court in May that the Department of Social Services had supported three findings of child neglect against Ruth. He said he has appealed the findings.

By Ruth's account, he has been diagnosed with ADHD and depression, both of which he said he treats with medication and therapy. He said he also takes medication for chest pains. In court documents, he stated that specialists who evaluated him as an inpatient at Massachusetts General Hospital and McLean Hospital would "attest to his positive mental health."

Ruth alleged in the Essex court that his wife "has been defaming me in the workplace and to family members and business associates such that she has had a serious and negative impact on my work efforts." He said Judy has cost him jobs by telling people he has engaged in abusive behavior and has a drug problem, among other allegations.

Lorden, a financial services executive who has tried to help Ruth find work, said Judy Ruth made such allegations to him.

"When somebody makes claims like that, a lot of people assume the worst," Lorden said. "I wasn't willing to do that."

Lorden, who has two young daughters, said he sought to corroborate Judy Ruth's assertions before he invited Mike to share his home.

"If I thought any inkling of it was factual, I wouldn't have let him within 100 feet of my house," Lorden said.

Judy Ruth said she never has tried to hinder Mike's job prospects, which would be counterproductive since the family needs any money he could earn. She said her father, Joseph DiNardo, of Belmont, has supported the family for several years. As for Lorden, she said she spoke privately to him as a mutual friend, not as Mike Ruth's prospective employer.

Ruth, who once ranked among the strongest players in the National Football League, also alleged that his wife physically beat him, prompting him to obtain a temporary restraining order against her and press an assault charge (a judge dismissed the charge). Ruth stated his wife has punched him, kicked him, spit at him, and threatened to kill him, all of which she denied.

Judy Ruth, who weighs 130 pounds, described her alleged assault on Ruth as "a dope slap between his shoulder blades" when he was speaking ill of her on the phone to a priest.

For her part, Mrs. Ruth received a temporary restraining order against Ruth in 2005 from Lawrence District Court and last year was granted a protective order by the Essex court barring Ruth from the family home in Andover. She cited his behavior as becoming "erratic and increasingly frightening."

On June 1, two weeks after Judy Ruth received a six-month extension of the protective order, the conflict grew even more contentious, landing Ruth in jail. The incident began when he pulled into the driveway of the family home to pick up the three youngest children for a weekend visit. He was following a routine the Ruths had agreed on since he moved out of the house 16 months earlier.

This time, according to an Andover police report, Mrs. Ruth said she told her husband the vehicle he was driving -- a modified Ford Bronco -- was unsafe and informed him he could not pick up the children until he obtained another vehicle. She said he advanced to the front steps and called her derogatory names.

When police officers arrived and reviewed the protective order, they found no provision allowing Ruth to enter the driveway to pick up the children, and they arrested him. Because the arrest occurred on a Friday after the courts closed, Ruth spent three nights in the Essex County Jail awaiting arraignment.

Only later did Judy Ruth acknowledge Ruth was not driving a modified Ford Bronco. In fact, she said, he was driving a Nissan Maxima with no apparent safety problems. She described the episode as a regrettable misunderstanding, but it cost her the protective order.

Acting on a request by Mike Ruth, Essex Probate and Family Court Judge Mary McCauley Manzi revoked the order July 9, citing the driveway incident. The judge also ordered Mrs. Ruth to pay $1,250 in legal fees her husband incurred to seek the revocation.

Yet Ruth continues to face a criminal charge that he violated the protective order. And he confronts the reality of a life turned upside down.

While the couple's tumultuous divorce has been painful for everyone involved, Ruth has gone from a football celebrity hailed in 1985 by Sports Illustrated as a would-be priest who "can quote Cicero but looks like Schwarzenegger" to an ailing individual dependent on charity.

The long weekend in jail posed a particularly stark contrast for Ruth, who holds a graduate degree in education from Harvard and began his post-football career as a counselor at the Norfolk County House of Correction in Dedham.

Ruth also gave motivational speeches after his football career, including one to Catholic men at an event presented by the Diocese of Fall River. His speech, according to the Providence Journal, "was filled with references to 'headship,' the Promise Keepers' concept of men serving their families and spouses the way Jesus Christ served the disciples."

"We need to be leaders, but lead with love," Ruth told the crowd of 200, the newspaper reported.

By that time, however, Ruth's marriage already was rocky, his wife said. Judy Ruth said she remained "in denial" for many years while she tried to sustain the relationship. The situation became untenable, she said, after Ruth began using prescription amphetamines in 2000 and lost his job three years later.

As Ruth's income plunged and marriage deteriorated, his wife filed for divorce in February 2006. His financial position then became more perilous as he tried to meet his bills, including his $2,000 monthly rent, while paying $350 a week in court-ordered child support and alimony.

Mrs. Ruth's financial situation also grew more dire.

"Both parties rely heavily on the contributions of others for meeting their respective financial needs [the wife relies on income from her father and the husband relies on gifts from friends]," Ruth stated in May to the Essex court.

Ruth received help last year from a BC alumnus, Sam Conte, of the Andover Financial Group, and another friend, Sal Lupoli, of Sal's Pizza, who each paid some of his rent, according to court records. St. Theresa's Church of North Reading gave him furniture and the Salvation Army contributed $200 toward his gas bill.

But by last August, Ruth informed Manzi he was earning no income, facing debts greater than $21,000, and unable to meet his court-ordered payments. He tried to cover his expenses by securing a $50,000 loan against his share of the estimated $400,000 equity in the family home. But when he was unable to obtain the loan, his situation worsened.

Ruth's truck was repossessed. Manzi found him in contempt of court for failing to pay nearly $11,000 in child support and alimony. And Ruth fell behind in his rent, while his other bills continued to pile up.

"It got to the point where if I got out of bed, it was a great day," he said.

Then came some help. Ruth said Flutie and Phelan arrived at his door last Christmas, with Flutie buying him a car -- Ruth said he has borrowed as many as 12 vehicles in the last year -- and paying the insurance on a truck for his 19-year-old son, Michael Jr. Phelan also helped financially, as did Monan, who contributed a month's rent and reached out to other alumni on Ruth's behalf.

Ruth said Turner, an assistant football coach at BC, and Barry Gallup, BC's assistant athletic director for football operations, have helped in several ways, including trying to restore his reputation among members of the college community who had heard negative comments.

"Finally, I've got some good friends," Ruth said.

He recently was earning $18 an hour as a rigger for a Wilmington transportation company. And though Manzi in late May lowered Ruth's weekly child support and alimony payments to $312, including $50 to pay down his overdue obligations, he said he has little or no money remaining after the court-ordered payments.

Judy Ruth, a homemaker, said she remains dependent on her father.

"He has not made a mortgage payment in four years," she said of Ruth.

As the divorce case progresses, both parents said their primary concern is their children.

"I want to co-parent with him, but I can't in his current state," Judy said.

Ruth maintains he is fit to parent. And he said he believes God will sustain him, his faith as strong as it was in college. In addition to his 1985 Cotton Bowl ring, he wears two religious medallions, including an Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal.

"God always has a plan," Ruth said. "If anything happens to me, he already has considered how he is going to take care of my kids."

Still, Ruth said, "I would really like to have a nice day one day."

To that, Judy Ruth said, "Wouldn't we all."

Bob Hohler can be reached at hohler@globe.com.